August 17, 2003

[In the meeting on August 3, Samuel suggested that everyone eat raw food one day a week until this meeting.]

Samuel: So how many of you have been raw since the last time we spoke? Many of you. And how was it for you? Aye.

One of the nice things I discovered is that it made me more aware of the things I wasn’t eating raw. I would find myself eating some raw, and making a lot better food choices. Also, I moved from eating big meals to being more of a grazer, and my energy levels stayed much more even.

S: Good. Very good. Good thing to learn. Yes. Yes. Suzanne.

I found it surprisingly easy, and that was a surprise, because I was really resisting it. Grumble, grumble, grumble. One of my least favorite things is food preparation, and, of course, I solved that by marrying a wonderful cook, but he wasn’t going to be preparing those meals, and I’m going to have to figure it out. So, a little planning ahead and it was very easy.

Again, I did a very similar thing to Steve. I did much more even eating throughout the day, which is what I do anyway, and this was just more official. I wasn’t hungry at all, and it was really amazing.

S: Nice. Nice. Frank.

It gave me an opportunity to be thankful for all those diets and different, strange fads that went on over the years, because I went on many diets that went for a week, or two weeks, or three weeks, or four weeks. It was so nice to be on something that changed my eating habits that felt good, but only lasted a day. So if I was real hungry, it was over in the morning.

S: And did it feel bad?

I’d get hungry now and again, or when I’d be getting ready to go to bed is usually when I’d realize how hungry I was, and I’d just say, “Well, I’ll just go to bed, and in the morning I can have a big bowl of cereal.”

S: And why would you get hungry?

I generally didn’t eat as much. Fruit and vegetables aren’t something that give me a sense of satisfaction the way eating other foods does, which is why I have the weight problem I have.

S: I thought I was going to have to ask what it was he was doing with the fruit and vegetables if he was not eating them. Good.

Jean.

Kathy pulled together a raw night, so some of us have been to her home to sample foods that other people cooked that really saved me a lot.

S: Cooking. Yes.

[. . . ]

S: That other people found. Mary Claire.

Well, the first raw day that I did, I stayed up late the night before making gazpacho and all kinds of raw concoctions, and they were wonderful, but I found myself throughout the day—and I was grazing—very hungry, and not satisfied, and a bit of a stomach ache from the raw foods, but what I realized was that—and I’ve learned this before the raw day—was balance was really important, so I investigated ways to have some complex carbohydrates mixed in there, and fats too, because I wasn’t getting any of those micronutrients. So the next week that I did a raw day, I had soaked barley, that was quite good actually—it tasted like cooked barley—and some raw almond butter to get the fats, and also just a little bit of trace protein in there, and I was satisfied all day. And it was a balance, because before it was just raw fruits and vegetables, and the second time I did it, I had the balance and I was not hungry at all.

S: And so you let yourself learn more about what your body needed, and how to look in different ways than usual to allow your body to have what it needs, and it ended up working out very well for you, which is what that exercise was about.

Heidi.

Well, it was actually a treat for me, because I love nut butters, but I don’t allow them in the house. And so this was my opportunity to have raw almond butter, and raw cashews, and I had avocado with my salads. So, for me, it was like, “Wow, you’re cheating, and it’s totally like [. . . ] so it was fun.

S: I gather you and Frank could relate about that, is that it?

Yes.

S: Aye. Aye. Bonnie.

I don’t think I realized until the next morning how much I enjoy carbohydrates, because I went through the whole day and I seemed to be fine. The next morning I had four pieces of toast.

S: And it tasted so good, didn’t it? Yes, it does. Yes, it does. Good. Good.

Now, I gave you one of the big reasons—because Mary Claire fairly well came out with it—of why it was I suggested that for you. Why else, because there was a lot of good reasons for asking you to give that a try? Why do you think? Look at what you got from it.

For me, it caused me to change my patterns. I usually would get up and have a cup of coffee first thing in the morning, but I didn’t.  I had a glass of ice water instead, and found that I could change my whole routine and it didn’t disrupt my day.

S: Good for you. Good for you.

Aye, love.

Life force from the foods was so appealing. You could feel it. It was almost incredible.

S: Good. Good. And it’s very beneficial for your body as a whole.

Lillibeth.

I found that the night before I was going to have the raw day the next day, I was preparing for it. And so it was a very conscious awareness about preparing for change.

S: Good. Good. Yes. Absolutely. Good.

Any more thoughts in there?

It kept me very consicous.

S: Very good. Yes. Very good.

And that consciousness spills over into the days that you’re not eating raw, plus there’s the awareness there of this pendulum being swung in a real extreme swing of it. It brings you back to, “Gee, you know, balancing my food—it’s a real easy deal.” When you go back to your diet after doing that, it becomes so much easier to create something that works.

S: Nice.

How many of you would be perfectly content if I were to ask you to do a raw day a week? It’s really nice to see that. I’m not asking you to do that, but it’s really nice to see that, because, of course, Phoenix draws every rebellious, stubborn leader of people that are functioning as Guardians about now. How many of you would say that there is, within your heart of hearts, a small authority issue. That’s right. That’s right. Maybe not so small authority issue. Maybe it’s a lot bigger than that.

And I do want to say—although I make jokes about it—that that’s really not a surprising thing at all, because you would not be a leader, you would not be pioneering, if you did not have the ability within you to step out of the mainstream, to be willing to stand up, even if standing up shows you up for being just a little different. It’s really a very healthy thing, as long as I never know about it. It’s a very [. . .] thing, and the idea is for you to learn how to function and use it, instead of being used by it in a way that is inappropriate to what you are doing at the time. If you are constantly resisting authority, then you ‘re not going to be a leader. What are you going to be? Pretty soon a target all by yourself somewhere. You’ll probably be alone, because there are times in which the best leader follows. So it all balances out in there.

Rignt now, in your world, there is so much change going on. Change in .., i want to be dramatic. I want to say something that will help it register strongly that the changes that are going on now are unlike what you have been experiencing up till now. But there aren’t words that will give it justice. You fill it in. Your world is experiencing change on all levels, and you are experiencing change on all levels. And how you work with change is everything to do with how you are going to be able to manage yourself once this first passage is complete. There will be those who are just mowed flat, and there are those who will still be standing. And there will be those who have learned, actually, how to not be affected by what’s going on in the world, to embrace as a challenge and to move forward, maybe even able to reach out a hand to those who have fallen.

It’s not a bad thing, all that’s going on in your world right now. It’s not a good thing, all that ‘s going on in your world right now. It is. But what makes a bad thing and what makes it a good thing is the reaction or action of those who are in the midst of it. And that’s you.

And part of what I want to do this night is talk about how are you doing with your life? How are you doing with your life? Because these are the things that move into that part of you that says, “I will just deal with things as they come, step by step,” that says, “This is too much. I cannot deal with it. Never mind,” that says, “I think I should probably have a portal coming along now. Goodbye.”

And so I want to ask you some questions. There are those of you who have papers to make notes, and if you are somebody who remembers better what is written down, you need one of those papers. And people who have papers are always ready to loan, so if you need one and don’t have one, let it be known. But if you can just remember these things, that’s all right too. You know if you’re good at remembering. Heidi says she does not remember if she’s good at remembering or not.

What is the first thing that you remember that you wanted to be when you grew up? What’s the first thing you remember? And there’s a little side question that goes with that one, and that is, Do you remember why it was you wanted to do that? You wanted to be a milk carrier, because you had such a lovely friendship with the milk carrier—the dairy man—where you grew up. That sort of do you know what it was that tuned that for you?

[. . .]

S: When I grow up I want to be a policeman. Perhaps some of you thought that when you were a child, because, you know, when you’re a child and you’re way too young to actually make those decisions so nobody worried about trying to force you into something else, there’s a lot of things that the child sees as special or fun or good.

And often there are five or six things you wanted to be when you grew up. Did you, from the moment you were five and aware, want to be a doctor?

Six.

S: Six.

That wasn’t the first thing.

S: That was not?

No, I wanted to be a ballerina.

S: Even before six you’re remembering like that? That’s great. Good.

I think this is Stuart’s voice in my head right now. That is great and grand and greedy. Is that you? All right. Yes, he looks down and say, “Yes, it is.”

All right. So that’s what I’m saying. This means that Joni’s answer would be ballerina. The first thing she remembers ever wanting to be is a ballerina. Now, there actually are people who the very first thing they ever wanted to be is exactly what they’re doing right now. It’s the only dream they’ve ever had. And if that’s the case, that’s absolutely fine as well. But there’s still that corollary question, which is, What was it that made that connection for you? Why was it that you thought being a ballerina, or a mail carrier, or a cow milker fun?

If that vision changed, why did it change, and what to? Now, using Joni again, ballerina went to pediatrician—doctor is a lot easier—went to doctor. Why? So if there was that switch for you, why? And I want you quickly to think if there were ever versions of, “When I grow up I want to . . . “ And I know that some of you are still saying that; that’s all right. When you grow up, perhaps it will happen, too. “When I grow up, I want to be . . . “ That was supposed to make you laugh. Was it just too close to home? To try to look at there were these other versions of it as well and make a little note of what some of those other versions were. But it’s that first, or first couple, as the case may be, that I’m specifically asking about. So, have you thought that through?

If you are not doing, if in your life right now—you are not doing one of the things you have written down—why not? Change is a good thing, and if whatever it is that went from ballerina to doctor and held all those years, why did it hold? Or why did it change? And if you’re able to play along with me here, you might come out of this with some very important information about yourself that can be very helpful.

All right, move away from what you want to be when you grow up. I want you now to move into work that you are now doing to support your rent and food and basic necessities. For some of you that is a career, for some of you it is a curse, for some of you it’s just what you do; whatever, doesn’t matter. I want you to think about the one that you have, or if you do not have one, the one you had.

And I’m going to use the language of what you’re doing right now, but again, if you’re not in a work situation like that, you finally retired, you won that lottery, Kay. One out of two ain’t bad. Right?

How many of you know I am laughing to that. You remember Kay announcing that there were just two things she needed right now. Maybe one or the other would work and do it. Do you remember? Ah, yes. Shall we tell our viewing audience? No. Too bad. Ask someone who knows.

Perhaps it’s even a temporary sort of job that you are working, and it might even be a part of a history of a temporary sort of job. I’m wanting you to be able to relate to when you were working in order to take care of responsibilities within your life, such as the basic security necessities. You need a place to live. You need food to eat. Some of you, what do you need for your basic necessities? A lover? A telephone? Everybody’s necessities are different, aren’t they?

All right, now my question about that is, Do you enjoy it? I’m not saying did you enjoy it when you started, I’m saying right now, who you are in this time. Do you enjoy what you are doing in order to maintain your security system? And if you do enjoy it, what is it you do enjoy about it? And if you don’t enjoy it, what is it that makes it so that you’re not enjoying it? And try not to psychoanalyze yourself here. All right? Really, what’s on your mind, when you think, I am so glad that tomorrow is Monday? “I am so glad that tomorrow is Monday, and I’m going to get to go to work again, because . . .” Why? Or, “Ah Universe, it’s Monday. I really don’t want to go there because . . .” Why?

Thinking, thinking, thinking. The room is steaming up. Fire alarms ready to go.

If you were five years old—maybe not five; you might want to choose a time—if you were five years old, freshly looking at life and able to say, “If I knew then what I know now, I would want to be . . . “ what? A lottery winner at age twelve set for life. Now, you know that that’s not really a fair answer. And if it’s something that involved . . . if it’s something that is different than what you’re doing now, if “When I was five years old, I was wanting to be a doctor. Life would have been so much easier for me instead of coming to it at six years old.” All right, maybe that’s not the best one, but I want you to see the point there. Why is it? What’s different?

Now, I’ll ask that again, just in case it got lost. The first part of that question is. If you were much younger than you are now, at a place where you have that free and ready for whatever the world offers you, “I could do anything I want to be,” if you knew then what you know now, what would you say you wanted to be? And if it is different than what you are doing now, why? What’s happening in your life that that’s not available to you. And it might be that it’s not available to you because it’s really not functional in this world, maybe. Maybe it’s not a part of your life right now because . . . I don’t know; what would be a reason?

Sallie says, “Well, just maybe it’s because you’re too old right now to do it.” Ah, yes. Aren’t bodies great? You just never know what they’re going to do next, do you? And that’s all right. Make note of that. Whatever it is, just make note of it.

And then as a quick aside, if the reason you went from what you first wanted to what you second wanted to be when you were a little child, up there in that first set of questions, is the reason for that change anywhere near like the reason for not having the job you want right now? Do you understand what I’m saying there? Is that making sense? Should I try to say it again? That’s “Yes, it’s making sense,” or “Yes, you should try to say it all over again?” Does somebody here want to try to say it, to give words to it?

Look to see on the first questions that I asked you, one of those questions was, What’s the first thing that you remembered that you wanted to be when you grew up? And then I asked you, What’s the second thing you wanted to be when you grew up, and what is it that caused you to switch from the first thing to the second thing? And we’re looking at what caused you to switch, to see if there is anything at all in common with the questions I’ve just asked you about, if you knew then what you know now, is there an occupation, a career, that you would have chosen? And why do you not have that now? And that reason right there, does it fit at all with the switch from one to the other.

And what I’m wanting you to see there is if your thinking processes function together. Are the things that influence change in your life still affecting you now? “Well, actually I wasn’t going to be a ballerina because my feet grew.” Well, maybe not you. Or, “I got too tall.” Or what are reasons you would not. . . . Somebody, somewhere along the line, told you you did not have the talent, said, “You know, you really might should look into ballet management.” There you are at six saying, “All right! Ballet management!” And the answer there would be, “Somebody helped me see that I was not going to be very good at that,” or, “I lost faith in myself.” Well, would that be the same reason you’re not doing what, if you knew now, for a job you would be doing. Is it because you don’t think you have the talent? Is it because you don’t feel capable? Is it because there are those in your life who are telling you that’s not workable. I’m wanting you to see if there is a connection there, that’s all. And, as I said, that is sort of an aside thing.

Now, I want you to look at this coming week, your coming week, all right? And if you can make it tomorrow, that’s great, but if you don’t have enough going on in your tomorrow, go ahead and make it a whole week. All right. What are you really looking forward to, and what are you really not looking forward to? What are you really looking forward to tomorrow, or if tomorrow you’re not doing much, next week. This coming week, what are you looking forward to?

And as you look at what you’re looking forward to—nice to see smiles on so many of your faces as you’re thinking about what you’re looking forward to. Looking out and there’s this sort of look [makes a facial expression]. And you can tell those who are looking at the “What am I not looking forward to” part of the question, because they’re going [facial expression]. At what you’re looking forward to it. What is it about it that causes you to look forward to it? And for what you’re not looking forward to, same question. What is it about that that you’re not looking forward to?

Now, look at what it is about what you’re looking forward to. Does it involve any components of the things you wanted to be as a child? Does it involve anything about being a ballerina? How? Does it involve anything about whatever your version was? Well, sort of like going to work: “I’m in ballet management and I have to do a lot of putting out fires, and, you know, that’s just like the fireman I wanted to be.” Oh, sort of. I’m saying that you might really dig around, because so many times in your life the things that you did when you were a child get put off in Never-never Land, and I want you to see how, even if the title, even if that dream, is not a part of your life, you can have your dreams by realizing what it is about them that opens you up, touches your heart, makes you happy, gives you what you do want.

I know amongst this group right here, there are those of you who really have . . . well, if it weren’t for your positive attitude, choosing to see the best, you would have to admit that you have a really difficult time. And I know that for some, there is even that part of oneself that has even given up dreaming, wanting. And that is not going to help your world.

Now, next step in there. Did I ask the question about what you do not like? And you’ve looked to see what you don’t like and how that relates back to it? No, did not get that far. All right. So you’re looking at what it is you don’t like-[cell phone rings] don’t you love it when that happens? And five different people across the room start shifting their body. And so, you are looking at what did not work in your life, remembering to turn off the telephone, that’s what does not work. Why it is you’re not looking forward to tomorrow or next week, as the case may be? What is it about what you’re not looking forward to that you could set aside and say, “Well, it’s this. It’s this sort of situation that’s hard for me.” Or, “It’s this sort of thing that’s making me unhappy. It’s this piece of what would otherwise be a good thing.” Or, “Once was a good thing. It’s this part, here.”

Now, back in the early parts of these questions, when I asked you what made you change from one thing to another—yes, I’m going back to exactly the same thing as before—what made you change? Was it somebody said, “Your feet are too big, and you don’t have talent, and therefore you should go into ballet management”? Was it you just lost interest because it wasn’t very much fun, or you learned what you could, or you mastered what you could, or it wasn’t realistic, or whatever—your interests changed? Does that connect in any way with what it is you don’t like about what’s happening tomorrow, or this coming week? And the key there is, what brings about change? Because it will show up in the good things of your life, and it will show up in the things that you’re not enjoying about your life. So, it’s going back to the same piece, that change.

And it might be that in this particular job situation or what you don’t enjoy is . . . or what you’re not looking forward to is . . . not knowing what is going to happen so that you’re sort of feeling your way in the dark, and you’re kind of nervous about the situation, and you really like it better when you know what’s going to happen. Or maybe there’s a specific scenario coming up. And I’m just using that one as an example. You’re looking forward to it because it’s challenging and exciting, but you’re also not looking forward to it because it’s scary.

And when you look back to see what made you change, if you find something like somebody, maybe you, said that it was too much work and you would never be able to get through that much schooling, and it was going to be too much trouble, or there would not be that sense of “fear what you don’t know, avoid what you don’t know” was seeded there, instead of being challenged and excited by what’s new, you find that it’s a little scary. And I’m asking you to see if there are parallels like that. There’s not judgment attached to this, and there’s not going to come out of this night a final “Well if you do this then, all of that will be taken care of,” because your life doesn’t work that way. Darn! Don’t you wish it did? Here is the formula. Do this and the lead will turn to gold. And they’re still looking.

When is the first time in your life you remember failing? Shift here. What’s the first time in your life that you remember failing? And what made it that label? You know, a lot of children never think they fail, even though they fall. They skin their knees, they go play; they don’t win the game, they’re on the rotten team, they just keep right on going. But all of a sudden, some day, that becomes a failure instead of just happy-go-lucky life. What’s the first failure you remember?

And I want you to try to look at that, not as the adult that says, “Whoa, that was a failure!” I want you to try to remember the first thing that you thought of as failure. How old were you? What were the circumstances? Did you give yourself that label, or was it given to you? If you gave yourself the label, what was the thinking behind it? And the reason I ask that is because a child doesn’t think in terms of failure—winning, losing, it doesn’t work that way. Losing doesn’t mean failure to a child. That’s a different thing altogether. And if, for instance, your parents made a lot of statements about losers, failures: “You’re just a loser. You’re just a failure,” “Your father’s a failure.” “Your mother’s a loser”—cousins did it, teachers did it, doesn’t matter—there becomes an awareness that failure looks like this. That would be the sort of situation from which a child would label it of themselves, if somebody provided that label. So, try to think for a moment, where did that label come from? “I never knew that there was such a thing as failure until I went to school and could not read. And I could not read and everybody else was getting ahead of me, and I became ashamed of my lack of ability.” That’s where it was put into your head that doing things differently will make you different and ashamed and a failure.

That’s just an example, and I’m not saying it’s your example. I’m asking you to look to see what was behind that label, the first time that you remember the child you were failing. What were the circumstances with it, around it? And do any of those circumstances still function in your head? And do any of those circumstances that still functions in your head have anything to do with why you are not doing what really makes you happy? Is there a voice inside of your head that says you will fail, your friends will go on without you, you will be left out, made fun of?

Now, let’s move it to something a bit more pleasant. Same sort of direction. When you look back on your childhood—and some of you may need to look back to the one that was going on this past week—well, I know that there’s a few of you in here who do not remember your childhood. And there’s some very good counselors in here who could help you with that. I want you to look back to a memory, the earliest one that you can come with, that was just purely happy, a time, the golden years, the real golden year, where your life was really good. You were happy. What were the circumstances of that time, that experience? What’s the setup for that particular moment in time? You were wandering the woods with your dog, and it was beautiful, and you felt safe and happy and a part of all that is. And you’ve never forgotten how precious that was. And now, whenever you want to be happy, you go take a walk in the woods and you borrow a dog. Well, that really is going to be the next part.

Do any of those circumstances play in your life now, and if they do not, could they somehow? Are there pieces of that? “Well, it was a birthday party, and my whole family’s dead except me, and so I just can’t bring any of that back.” Well, wait a minute. It was a celebration with those you loved. So, are there celebrations with those you love that you have? No, there aren’t. That you could have? Well, all right, maybe so. Really, some of you have very distressing childhoods, so I’m trying to be playful with it, but sometimes there’s a reason that you have a hard time looking happily at things.

Now, think about over the last few months in your life. All right. Let’s say—what?—the last four months. What would that take you back to, the last four months? To April? All right, let’s go back a little further. Let’s go back to the equinox, so that’s just a little bit further off. The equinox of March twenty-first or twenty-second, somewhere around there. All right. Sort of around now, but March. What do you remember as a bright and shining happy time? And if you are fortunate enough to have a whole lot of those, pick one that’s particularly grand for you. And if there aren’t any, just hold off and your section will come in a moment. What were the circumstances? Now, I asked you a moment ago to think about what created bliss for you in your childhood. Now I’m asking what it is in your adulthood.

And look, some of you are already going, “Hello!” Some of you are getting more depressed as the night goes on. It’s all right, it’s all the same thing.

As you look at the circumstances of the golden, brilliant moment of joy in the last four months—four and a half, whatever—is there any correlation there to things, the first one, with the sorts of things you wanted to do when you grew up? Were you able to express any of those same putting-out-fires delights or whatever. All right, somebody’s sending me a very interesting scenario here—stop it! It’s usually the front row. And, look, they’re shifting down in their seats, looking about. All right.

Now, for those of you who could not relate to something making you really happy over the last four and a half months, can you come up with something that was like the epitome of gloom for you over the last four months or so. Just one of those situations that were really not good.

[Cell phone rings] There’s another one. They know where you are!

If you can pull yourself away from it emotionally, can you think about the circumstances of that unhappy experience? What made that experience? What were the players? What was the situation?

Is there any relation, and I think by now you probably could just back over your list and your answers to the question and begin just looking in there for any patterns that would show up for you. Well, part of what I’m not looking forward to here, part of what made a really difficult situation is just the same situation of what I’m not looking forward to tomorrow, and it is also the same sorts of things that show up as failure the first time I ever experienced failure, and it looks like that’s a pattern based on whatever, whatever. You might be seeing those sorts of patterns that clearly. And, actually, if you are, good for you, because most individuals do not know themselves well enough to see patterns. They may be able to remember scenarios, but it’s quite another thing in self-knowledge altogether to be able to see patterns. So, if you’re not seeing patterns, do not worry about it. Just play with it a little over the week, because I will say you will find those parallels. You will find them, because you repeat in your life what works, because it brings you success. And you repeat in your life what does not work until it gives you success. That is why it is so important that you know what does not work for you: so that you know what is involved in what you’re afraid of, what makes you unhappy, what you’re nervous about. So that you know why you’re both really looking forward to your first day at school and really not looking forward to it, because you see this is what I really enjoy, and this is what I really don’t, and I am afraid that I’m going to repeat some of those things I really don’t enjoy. But by your being aware, you have within your hold an opportunity to give yourself a very important gift, and it’s the gift of your present.

I just had to do that. Your present is your gift. Isn’t your language hilarious? Do you ever think about that?

Your present is your gift because that first awful failure in your life, you remember it? You got over it. It did not kill you; you’re still alive. Here you are.

You have created a system in your life. Now, before I get into that system, I want to go ahead and say that this system is very easily abused; this system becomes a means of backing out of reality, which is a pity. This system becomes a means of hiding behind walls, but you have a system that has kept you alive, and I don’t mean only physically, I mean that has allowed you to keep going when the going gets really hard. And that system is, you have learned how to amplfy the good and minimalize the difficulty. There is no other reason that you have the population in the world you do but for that.

That also was a joke, and clearly I’m not getting anywhere tonight, am I? Well, I’ll try it more plainly, that’s why women have two children or more, because they forgot. Kittens are so cute. Babies are so sweet. They become children—teenagers! All right. Slowly, you’re getting my point. All right.

The ability to minimalize what does not work is a very good thing. To amplify what does work, what makes you happy, is a very good thing. To understand what did not work and what you could do to change it so that it did work is the difference between a child and an adult, because you have that choice. This situation was an absolute failure, and you lock it away, never to look at it again. Or this situation was a failure, because of this and this and this. It made me feel this way. These were the circumstances. But, I am aware of those things that work for me, and I’m going to try to put more of that into this situation that does not work. I’m going to see if there’s a way to turn any of those around, any of those circumstances around, the next time it comes up my way.

Your ability to learn from those things that were failures, mistakes, your ability to learn from them makes you about as special as the monkeys and the dogs that also do that same thing. That’s not your unique ability. Your unique ability is to turn it into a success by consciously, purposefully, rewriting the script as it comes to you next time, tomorrow. That takes you from reaction to action—that.

And if you are, in your life right now, in an unhappy situation, in a situation—maybe it’s not unhappy, maybe it’s just really dull, maybe it’s just a paycheck—you have the ability to change that. And it doesn’t mean that you have to change what you’re doing. “All right, I really hate managing the ballet. It’s just a job. I’m not enjoying myself. It’s not what I want, because what I really, really wanted as a child was to be on stage, getting applause for being graceful and beautiful.” All right, that one might be tough. No, no, it’s not, because what you do is you look into your life and you say, “What are ways that that delight, that joy, can be brought into my life?” And although it might seem at first a very pale version of being the prima ballerina, being an adult and getting into a ballet class and letting youself just feel it is going to do one of two things. It’s going to actually show you you really do have talent, and you are going to find that there actually are openings for you to have some fun with this. Or, you’re going to find that it really isn’t what you like, and you’re not going to be held back—and I do mean held back—by the power of something you don’t want any more.

If you are not—oh, this is really risky, but I’m going to say it—if you are not happy, if you are not blissfully happy, if looking back on this time in your life is not going to be golden, you’re doing something really wrong. You are dishonoring you.

And if you think that what it takes to make it golden is dropping all that, getting away from those awful people, quitting your job, leaving your marriage, whatever, you’re wrong. Unless, what really gives you a thrill in your life is having all kinds of hearts broken all around you, and a continual sense of incompletions following you around the rest of your life. It will give you that. That’s not what’s needed. What’s needed is looking at your life, and looking at the patterns. Here are the things I want, and here is why I want them. Here is what changes my sense of what I want and don’t want. Here is how those show up throughout my life, in one way or another. Here is what I think of as failure. Here is where what I think of as failure, those circumstances that play out in my life even now, here is what I can do to move beyond failure.

It’s your life, and I will tell you it is the most important gift you have for this world—your life. And as much as this world needs you, it needs you happy, balanced, aware, secure. And you have the tools to make it happen. What do you want? Do not be afraid of checking it out. Don’t throw it all away, right away. Stick your foot in. See if it really is what you still want, see if there’s a way you can bring it into your life. Your life matters. And now is your gift to you—now.

Glochanumora. Happy, happy trails.