March 4, 2007

Samuel: Well, hello there.

Hi Samuel.

S: So what’s going on? That bad, huh?

No. Just a little bit different than usual.

S: Stuart, what can you do about the lights?

Right now? Nothing.

S: Knock about half of these up at the top here down. Well, I really sort of meant of the ones directly in front. There. What’s it do for you?

[Stuart] Nothing good.

S: And what does it do for you?

It’s nice.

S: Make it just a bit easier for you as well? Good news is it’s getting worked on. There is going to come a first-Sunday meeting that it does not start with my saying . . . [throws his hands up over his eyes as if in pain].

So, think over your last two weeks. All right? Go through your little machines that keep all of your days in them, and look back over the last couple of weeks. Oma’s taking a moment to look over her date book as well. How has it been for you?

A definite shift toward the positive.

S: Very good to hear.

Yes. Yes.

S: Good. Aye.

Thank you.

S: Don’t thank me, thank you.

Thank you.

S: Well you do the hard work, I don’t. I just sort of watch, giggle now and then.

You never let go.

S: And that is true. No matter how hard you kick and scream.

More. Yes.

Lots of wonderful opportunities.

S: Good.

Very busy, but it’s good, it’s all good. And just all kinds of wonderful and new opportunities.

S: Glad to hear it.

Let me ask this question a different way, which is not to say that having wonderful things going on with you is not what I’m looking for, because having wonderful things going on with you is what your life is supposed to be about.

How has your emotional stability and functions of empowerment been going over the last two weeks? Because more than what has been going on, how you have been responding is where your heart really is. It’s where your power really is. And that’s D.C., and then Suzie, and then Kathy.

It’s been really intense.

S: Intense.

And I’ve been working really hard to keep my balance.

S: Good.

And to stay focused on the positive when I’ve really been very frustrated with the present and dealing with what’s going on in my life.

S: Did you hear that back there? Not thoroughly? Most of it? She’s been really working for grounding, staying in the present, when now is very frustrating and it’s easy to want to go off on whatever weakness you have happening at the moment. Of course, you’re not thinking of it that way. You’re thinking of it more as, “I’m going to work to see what I can control in the world around me in order to be able to have a bit of happiness, have a bit of relief, have a bit of . . .” Whatever it is that is feeding your fancy at the moment, and recognizing that where the power is is in this moment—working through this moment, calling forth your successes that will help you in this moment. That’s good. Long way, baby.

I guess I had to relearn that lesson. I had forgotten that, because I chose to put myself into a situation of high chaos with the tornado known as my niece, Amanda, for a week. So that was quite an experience because I had no idea I could get that tossed anywhere, that tossed ever again. So it was really good, because I learned that I can be that tossed around in the storm of somebody else’s stuff. And it was really nice to be able to get back to a place of calm and to realize how I used all the tricks and tools and different things and, you know, calling on, you know, my connections to the different things, and it really worked. But the part that surprised me the most was that I was so susceptible to such a storm—but it was very enlightening.

S: Do you want comments?

Oh, sure. Yes. Yes, please.

S: [Looking at the wide, black pants he is wearing] Monk’s clothes.

Is that what they are?

S: [It] seems.

Cello pants.

S: Yellow pants?

Cello pants.

S: Cello pants. Cello pants!

Yes. Perfect for cellos because it looks like you have a skirt on, but they’re really pants, and so.

S: Would you like them?

Say no!

No, thank you.

S: Monk’s pants. But that would fit for you too.

[To Suzie] You let yourself down when you think truly loving means always being the strong and powerful leader. Sometimes truly loving means just rolling over so you don’t quite get hit in the face this time.

I learned that.

S: It’s not what you took from her. It’s what you gave when you really saw her. A lot of you, unfortunately have people in your life who want you to prove to them that you can love them no matter what they’re like, no matter how bad they are. And, of course, they don’t think that’s what they’re doing, but it is. “Can you love me even if . . .” and here comes the list of all of those things that the world has said before, “No, I cannot.” Can you?

Amanda wants somebody else to justify and participate in her suicide. Now, do not call Dr. Kavorkian. It’s not that kind of suicide. It is the kind that comes with having an illness that is debilitating if it is not cared for, and it’s not being cared for. [Clears his throat several times.] That was for all of you who smugly think, “Well, I don’t feel bad. That could not be an ahem for me!” when, in fact, if you want to expand it out to a rather larger understanding of it all, ultimately, life with all of its pleasures is, in one way or another, a long term suicide mission, isn’t it? And that’s the reason why you must take care of yourself. You’ve got to do it if you’re going to get through it. Hello?

Bumper sticker.

S: And if you don’t want to get through it, just don’t do it. When one has ruled the known world, it’s hard not to be able to make one young person do what they need to be doing anyway, isn’t it? So to move away from the chaos of that which you cannot control and immerse yourself in those things that you know work is a gift, not only, darling, that you give to yourself, but one you give to everyone you are close to. Right, Mary?

And what are the things you do to counterbalance a world gone haywire? What is your system?

The first thing I did was realize I had a choice. I knew that the whole time, and that was so hard, though . . . that was the hard part because I knew I had a choice. And then I started trying to find what I could do to be different, and that was where I used all the tools, you know, different things that I’ve learned in this room over the years, and with other friends. But the hardest part was just remembering from the very beginning “I have a choice here. I have a choice. I have a choice.”

S: And once you remember “I have a choice,” you need to also remember that means do something. “I have choice. I am going to act on it. I’m going to act according to those things that I have recognized in my past as being effective in a situation like this in a successful manner.” Effective successfully; successfully effective. That’s as opposed to, “You know, this has never worked so I’m going to just keep on doing it,” and you laugh. You laugh because you’ve done it, and you know it.

What about you? What are your “here is the first thing I need to do when the going gets tough.” What do you do? Take a good deep breath; slow yourself down; follow D.C.’s advice and get yourself balanced in the moment. 

Lakshmi, then Gwendolyn.

When I found myself in this situation in India with my in-laws, the very act of just getting out of the house, grounding myself, walking, looking at the sky, playing with Sanat, it showed me that there is a lot more to this world and to me than what I’d seen in that situation.

S: That’s good. That’s good.

And again, it’s a choice of not wanting to be trapped by that little limited perspective, but choosing to say, “This is all part of the flow. There is something for me to get or give here,” and just move on with it.

S: Yes.

And I know that when the going got tough, the tough got going.

S: No. Let’s see, when the going gets tough, Gwendolyn gets on a horse.


S: Those who know.

But we know within ourselves exactly what we should be doing, whether we’re doing it or not, that’s another thing.

S: So what’s the trick to doing what you know within yourself you should be doing? What’s the little kick that works, that reminds you?

You like that, too. It’s like your choices that you make. I think everything, in my case, my feeling is that I have to make a commitment and a decision, and then the only way to make it work is to put action to it.

S: And I’m going to add just a bit to that—that’s good—you look at the decisions you’ve made when you were happy, when things were working well. Look at the decisions you made, the commitments you made, the responsibilities you took on, when you were in the flow, and go to fulfill some of that, rather than in the midst of chaos saying, “All right. Well I’m going to go find and buy a new car.” “I’m going to move to another city.” “I’m going to change jobs.” Those are probably not the sort of decisions you want to be making when life is not necessarily you feeling your best about you.

Doing those things that work requires you knowing what works, which leads us to Kathy.

Okay. Well, you asked about how the last few weeks have been, and they’ve been so much better than the last two months. You know, there’s a variety of reasons for that, but I think the biggest one goes back to focus and perspective. And I’ve already mentioned that I’ve been doing the focus exercise, but in addition to that, because I don’t want to miss out on the energy of this year, I’m a little driven to really be on to myself and change my perspective. So one of the exercises I’ve been doing is writing out all the successes for the day.

S: Good for you. Good for you.

And then also, another thing I’ve been doing is trying to see something new about me in the physical, mental, emotional and the spiritual areas, because it’s expanding my version of me, which really was needing to be changed. I was going to say, “which really sucked,” but . . .

S: I don’t know, now and again when I say that it sort of gets the whole audience very quiet for a moment, and then they laugh.

I think it’s the taking action part, but I’ve noticed so many manifestations that are just, like, they just are falling out of the sky. It’s like I put out, you know, “I want to find . . . ,” you know like “a writer’s group,” and then it’s like then there’s one. Or I want this and then it’s like it shows up, or, you know, it’s just been so like almost freaky that when I do have little moments and my thoughts aren’t that great, I’m thinking, “Uh oh,” you know, it’s like because I know the power of this time right now. It’s just amazing.

S: And which you have just multiplied your ability to make use of. You recognize it and you’re ninety-five percent through it. If that’s a difficulty, at least you’re ninety-five percent over it. If it’s a delight, you’re ninety-five percent into creating it again. Awareness is almost everything.


I’ve realized, over the past couple of weeks, where in the past I may have sabotaged myself.

S: No!

Yes! I’m shocked too!

S: In what way?

Well, I’ve been working with the Universe in a wonderful partnership lately in terms of manifesting prosperity and new clients, and I have been as busy probably as I have ever been in my office with wonderful people coming in to see me.

S: In order for Heidi to become prosperous, many children need to get crazy. So it’s a good thing and a bad thing.

And as I’ve started feeling overwhelmed, or started those moments where I looked at my schedule and go, “Well, you won’t have time for . . .” I thought, what are you telling the Universe?

S: Good for you. Good for you.

No wonder there have been those times in my life where I’ve had lots of space, because I’ve let the Universe know that, “You’ve put too many people in my office that I get overwhelmed.” So as soon as I have that emotion, I say, “I’m really doing great. Thank you so much. Keep them coming!”

And the other part of that is, I’ve realized if I am working this well—like Kathy’s saying—and manifesting, if there are things I think I want and if they’re not in my life, I have to ask myself why not?

S: Good for you. And when you ask yourself, “Why is this not in my life?” and you can answer this, but I’m asking the group as a whole, when you realize that “I’m not happy. Why is that? I have an empty wallet. Why is that? I do not have the relationship that I want. Why is that? I have not conquered the world yet. Why is that?” You laugh. Do you know what your sabotages are, and do you know what you do to move beyond that? Heidi?

I remind the Universe that I am grounded and balanced, and that I have lots of opportunities to put as much as I need in my life.

S: [Someone adjusts his sleeve.] Well, thank you, love. I did not know at all what would make that work.

Is it tight?

S: Probably not. Wardrobe malfunction! Not nearly as exciting as it might have been, but thank you. This one going to go, too? Thank you. Now, how about this part?

It’s supposed to be like that.

S: Oh, but it’s nice and soft, and it’s just so pretty, isn’t it? Surely that makes it all worth it, doesn’t it?

Now where were we in that oh-so-important discussion about your life?


S: Sabotages.

As I drive and I realize that I’m starting to obsess and have negative thoughts, I realize that there has been this really long period of time where I haven’t, and so that ties into the times where I sabotage myself, because I get myself in a pattern of negativity.

S: And this is one of those examples in which giving yourself a moment—just a moment; indulge it very seldom and only in small bites—in what isn’t working to realize what is working. You catch one of those dastardly little “bite your head off” personal embodiments of evil that lurk within your brain now and again—I don’t know how to make it sound worse. It’s you, at your worst, at your most insecure, at your least powerful making it the most powerful. “You’re not going to . . .” “That’ll never . . .” “Oh, you can’t . . .” And when you hear it and get it, when you recognize it—“Oh, hello there! You again!”—give yourself a moment to stop and realize that the reason you recognized it is because it was unusual. It’s not the way you’ve usually been thinking.

Now, again, I’m going to keep wanting to keep coming back to ways that you sabotage, and we may or may not get to what tonight’s point was going to be. I like this one better. When I asked you, as an exercise, think back to one of your very earliest memories. In fact, if you can, think back to your first memory—instead of just one of the general ones—and when I do that, more often than not, what you come up with is a memory of something that wasn’t particularly pleasant. “I was real agitated about something. I just remember lying there and crying and crying and crying,” or “I remember that my daddy had left home, and I was so upset,” or “I went to school and I was abandoned by parents who left me off in the care of this absolute stranger, who had forty little monkeys running around, and it just frightened me to death, but no, they left me anyway—school. And that’s because most of what had gone on in your life, and indeed most of what still goes on in your life, is good stuff, pleasant. So much so that the unpleasant sticks out. Well, you’ve got that choice then. Look to see just how much unpleasant you can create to go with that unpleasant one—“Hey, yes, that was really rotten, and this was too, and so was that, and this. And even now, that.” Or you can turn it around, as Heidi showed you how, and instead recognize that this is happening because “I’m getting what I asked for, that I be busy. I am focusing more on the powerful, the successful, the positive,” whatever the case for you might be. Don’t dwell in your personal “Oh gosh, it’s about to happen again!” hell. Oh it’s a bumper sticker kind of night, isn’t it? “Do not dwell in your personal hell.” It’s not fun there. No, stop, stop!

Sabotage then. Frank.

I tend to do two things—well, I do a lot of things, but two that I want to mention. I set unrealistic goals for myself, and when I don’t set unrealistic goals, when I’ve set a goal that is realistic, it’s at the far end of realistic. And I tend to . . .

S: Wait! Will you explain that a little?

It’s barely realistic.

S: I’m going to jump the eighteen-foot high jump, but actually I’ve never jumped one foot.


S: All right.

So I would put it . . . that’s a hard one for me to go with. If I were going to run a mile, I’d say I’m going to run a five-minute mile, which is very unrealistic for me at this point, not being in running condition, but if I were going to say “Gee, but I could probably do an eight-minute mile,” I’d set it right at eight minutes, rather than give myself some leeway. But the other thing I’d do is I’d say “I’m going to run it in at least eight minutes,” so that when I run in eight minutes, I’ve done the least I can do. And so it’s kind of a defeat, even though I’ve succeeded at it.

And what I’m trying to do now is say, “I’ll do it in eight minutes or better.” And so when I do it in eight minutes, it’s a success. If I do it in seven minutes and fifty seconds, it’s a great success. Whereas before if I’m going to do it in at least eight minutes, and I do it in seven minutes and fifty seconds, well I’ve done just a little better than the least I should have done. So I realize that I set my goals that are achievable as a sabotage also.

S: Just a question. How did you figure that out?

I’m doing The Guardianship Program, and it’s an exercise, and particularly the reframing exercise . . .

S: Good.

. . . as part of the Manifestation Journal. It’s just really powerful.

S: How many in here, by the way, are taking this Guardianship Program that’s offered once a year here. Oh look, there are a few who are availing themselves of this incredible program. Good.

Sabotage is what I’m looking for. Paula, and then Chris. Is it a sabotage, Kay?

Who me?

S: All right. And, Stuart, are you wanting to be called on, or giving me instructions?

A time signal.

S: Oh time does fly, doesn’t it? Alright, Paula

Mine is similar to Frank’s in that when I went into The Guardianship Program, my first manifestation attempt was a strong and flexible body, and almost immediately I ran into physical problems. I was in tremendous pain, and I was having trouble even moving. And the first thing that came to my mind was that I’d been betrayed. Here I was, trying to manifest this thing, and the Universe is sending me these negatives, which were real. I mean I wasn’t imagining these things. They were there. But what’s come out of it is I also was setting unrealistic goals for myself, and now I’m having to measure an increase in movement in quarter inches, and saying “That’s a success for me.” How many times I can move my head up and down without a pain is a success for me.

And I’m also facing the realization that this is not going to go away, this is a maintenance program for the rest of my life. And facing that realization has made me a lot more respectful of my body of what I can and cannot do. And at the same time, it’s been filled with small success, and I feel good about it. I feel really good about it.

S: Have you grieved your loss?

Yes, I have. I think, like for me, always anger comes first. The first part was I’m angry at my body. I felt like it had betrayed me. Then I was angry at my parents for their rotten genetics. But finally I got to the point where I realized that I was sad, because it means that I’m going to have to go through a whole lot of effort every day to stay pain-free.

S: You know, in your life, now and again, you are going to have opportunities to experience loss of many kinds. Some of those losses are horrendous. And some of them are the loss of the skin on the top of your nose when you fell on your face while you were whatever. Some of them, some of them are not so big—they’re all important. And they all should be respected. And that means grieving them. And here’s why: because a loss ungrieved attaches itself to you, and invites all of it like-minded friends, any other circumstance sort of like it is going to show up in your wonderful life, giving you more and more information about why you are a loser. Well, you’ve got a lot of loss. Doesn’t that make you a loser? Maybe not in the same way.

Grieving it. All right, how do you grieve? “Well, Samuel, I learned how to grieve because I grew up in the South, and in the South everybody knows that grieving is actually a celebration of the inward tantrum coming out. It is a very valuable service that you offer to all of your friends, letting them know what their patience levels and decibels acceptance levels can be. When I scream and cry and kick things and break walls and punch—oh—people sometimes, they know that something truly awful is going on with me. Otherwise they might never know.

Well, you might not can [sic] relate to that one nearly as much as compartmentalizing—finding a nice little box to stuff every bit of it into, putting the lid on, sticking it into the back of your heart, and hoping nothing ever brings it up again.

It doesn’t work.

S: No, it doesn’t. What tends to happen?

It comes out again. The top comes off and you have to deal with it again, and it’s bigger than it was.

S: I’m not going to tell you how to grieve, I’ll just tell you to grieve, because loss has a best friend. Any idea?


S: Yes. Right the first time.

I have a lot of dealings with these things over the years.

S: My sweet angel of death. You laugh.

Because it will morph—[do] you like that word?—it will morph into abandonment, and abandonment starts the process that’s hard to return from. Abandonment means you are going to dichotomize the situation so that—here comes the pattern—“Well I wasn’t abandoned, I left it!” or “Well aren’t they stupid. I don’t want anything to do with them because they’re so stupid,” or “This is so big, there’s nothing I can do about it. I must only put it aside.”

Suzie, when you grow your gardens in the summer, you have little plants pop up here and there that you did not plant.

Cherry tomatoes. Volunteers.

S: Volunteers. And how do you get those volunteers? You call out to the garden, “All right everybody!”

Yes. I have to cull several of them, because they would just take over the garden unless I selected several—probably many more than Mary would like me to keep—to keep, but I end up having to sacrifice them.

S: How do they get there in the first place?

I don’t know.

Mary plants them.

S: Keeps her busy though.

They can start anywhere. A bird might have eaten cherry tomatoes and pooped in my garden.

S: And in your life, now and again, with the situations that you’ve put back as far as you can, hoping no one will notice, hoping you will not notice any more, these situations in which it leads to, “All right, I am just abandoned and I’m lost and there’s nothing for me!” And you just get situation after situation after situation that continues that process, proving to you how awful it is. That’s because you’re getting volunteer help. The bird poop of life, passing situations through, and dropping them into your fertile, negative field. The cherry tomatoes.

Boy, there are lots of them.

S: “I’m abandoned, therefore it’s because I am unworthy, or the person, the situation, is unworthy.” That determination that those are the choices is a rather sad decision on your part, because, of course, there are more choices than that. But the typical, instinctual response—remember that your instincts are all about keeping you alive at whatever cost, and in this world you don’t want to be alive at whatever cost, you don’t want to be alone in your cave, eating your gruel. Well, all right, there’s a couple of you, actually, who think that might not sound so bad, but when you’re having a good day, that’s not what comes to mind, and you know that. Gayle is saying, “I would like to have a few days in a cave right now!” You cannot say, “I’m the bad one. I am the reason this isn’t working. I was abandoned because I am the cause, did something I should not have.” No, that instinctual need to keep yourself alive and going, even if it is in a cave, curled up and eating gruel, keeping you alive and going says to you “It’s not you. No way. Not you. In fact, look, here is a whole litany of all of the ways you have been betrayed and abandoned by your marriage, your job, your boss, God.”

Your mother.

S: Your mother, your father, your genetic structure, because your whole system says, “Not me! No way! Not me.”

Maybe next time just try on for size the “Hmm, I wonder what I can do to bring peace here?” Rather than automatically determining, “Out! Out! No good.” Automatically flowing into the if you want me, and I don’t believe that I am worthy of being wanted, I have to make you somebody I don’t want.” That one was meant to be sort of pointed at a few of you in here. [Looking at the ceiling] I’ll try very hard not to look directly at you, but just feel that little knocking inside that says, “Listen to this!”

The other version of that is “I believe I am worthy. In fact, I am so worthy and so good that it cannot be me that’s caused this problem, that’s caused this difficulty, because I am doing everything right, and I am the loving one here, and I am a Guardian, I know that certainly, and so it was not me. They’re evil and wrong, and I should never have anything to do with them ever again.”

You’re just too good for them.

S: Too good for them, that’s right. Too good for them. Well, you know, it’s your brain that works this way, and now and again, in the dark of the night, when you’re hoping nobody’s noticing, you’ve got this little voice inside of you along with the good ones that say, “Oh get over it, and just keep going.” Or that say that new one I like so much.

So what?

S: So what. No, that wasn’t it. It’s “Pull up your big girl panties and get on with it!” But for Lakshmi, I would have to say that you know it as “Pull up your big boy panties.” Right? Ah the joys of toilet training, which is another place that all of you went awry. Right? All the way back to that too. And you accept that that’s alright, that that sort of thinking is all right, never occurring to you that maybe part of what you need to look at when you’re so proudly recognizing yourself as the enlightened being of love and power, a guardian of all things good and a keeper in this world for a purpose ready to make a difference and change it all—which is such a scary thought sometimes—that maybe you can start first and say, “Is this situation familiar at all? Is there anything sort of like it that’s happened before?” Do you regularly find that when you are compassionately confronting another about a behavior that’s making things hard for you that you need to let the other person know from your lofty, but personal, opinion—because you know that nobody cares about how you feel, so you’ve got to express it as a truth that comes out of you as “Well, you know, at the last first-Sunday, Samuel l said something about that very sort of behavior, and with that sort of behavior what you should do is put yourself into a positive place instead. So if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to leave you right now because I can’t find a positive place right here.” A little too close to home?

And maybe it’s not quite that blatant. Perhaps it’s more along the lines of “This person is saying that every time we get into a little argument, I go off into la-la-love land and love nobody but myself. That can’t possibly be true, can it? Well, let me sort of look at it.” Your instinct is to preserve what you know of you, even if it’s wrong, even if it’s damaging, even if it’s not helpful, even if it’s gotten you into a lot of trouble for a long time, even if you have this pitiful belief that it’s gotten you this far, may as well get you a little further.

That wasn’t so bad!

S: I can take it. Now and again, when those extremely rare opportunities happen that I’m able to talk to one of you individually, someone will say, “Have you not been listening?” But whenever I hear that, the answer is . . .

Have you been listening?

S: I have. Obviously, you have not. You need to believe that you are right, because you cannot believe that it’s possible to function in this world successfully if you’re ever wrong. I’ve had a few of you, now and again, on an assignment. Do something wrong every day. All right, [it] doesn’t have to be a big thing, but do it wrong, do it on purpose, because you need to see that the world doesn’t stop, that tomorrow happens, that even if it is absolutely, one-hundred percent, totally your fault, people keep loving you.

The need to make yourself right—to justify behaviors that aren’t working because if they were working you would not be working, you would not be so unhappy—is a sabotage. A sabotage that comes from—and here is where I’m swinging it back around now—from abandonment, “I’m either going to abandon my own self, which is the only thing I have and can possibly trust, or I’m going to abandon those who think I’m not good enough, or I wasn’t worthy of, or I could not . . . or . . . .” Because the step that comes when the choice is made not to sabotage, not the make it a life and death instinctual issue of absolute survival, but instead to see it as a part of a manifestation process—maybe even with a little bit of curiosity, “Whew. Wonder what’s coming up now? This is interesting.” And although you sort of chuckle at that, that’s not such a bad attitude.

Not functioning with survival at stake means that maybe you can live instead of survive. But, you see, if you’re afraid to live, if there’s nothing there for you, if you don’t believe it’s possible then abandonment’s what you deserve, right? And that’s yet another sabotage.

Three big ways that you convince yourself you are unworthy—or maybe unworthy’s not the best thing—three ways that grief will express itself negatively without conscious redirection. Now, let’s see, David you should probably rewrite that sentence I just said into one that makes a little bit more sense. Three things that you can do to keep yourself from . . . we’ll try this: The first thing that you’re going to do as a sabotage is that you are going to dismantle relationships that are important to you. You know that being around people who love you, who are positive, even when now and again they have this terrible negative streak aimed directly at you, telling you how you should be. That odd little quirk now and again. Generally they are loving and kind and you know, feeding yourself spiritually, you know those people who help you grow and change and empower, but dismantling the relationships that bring you pleasure, that bring you power, this is the first thing on the conveyer belt. Let’s have a rotten life! All right, dismantle positive relationships—poof!

The second thing you dismantle is your physical being. You stop taking care of yourself. You come up with all kinds of interesting reasons why doing those things you know you need to be doing can’t be done. “I know I should . . .,” all right, fill out the blank here, “. . . eat better, eat more, eat less, exercise more, exercise less. I know that I should sit up straight, breathe deeply”—there’s people all of a sudden trying to [do that]—go to toning every time it’s offered. [They] break you down.

But there’s another way you can break you down, and this one doesn’t get quite so much press. You know a lot about breaking down because you’re not doing the good stuff, but you can also break down because you’re doing too much of the good stuff. Somebody give me an example of what that could possibly be. Mary Claire.

Years ago, I was exercising an hour and a half a day.

S: I remember that.

Rather compulsively, but I was solid muscle, and I though “Ah, I’m fixed now.” And you took a look at me one day in a private session and you go, “What are you doing? Your body’s in healing mode.” And I thought, “Why? I thought I was doing [well],” but I was breaking down my body, I was breaking down my connective tissue in my body because that’s what I had to do to keep myself in that image of what I thought I should look like.

S: And be sure, be absolutely sure, that you cannot overwork that body of yours and not pay for it. You think getting older is about creaking as you go? Well, that is typical, but not in the original plan. You can overdo. “Oh, this is such a marvelous milk shake!” Sounds like cow abuse, doesn’t it? Milk shake. Maybe I should come up with something else. This is such a good smoothie. It is so . . .


S: . . . wonderful. Smooth! Decadent.

Fruits, mmm.

S: Mmm, fruits, yum. Good stuff. But if that’s all you’re eating, it’s not going to do you. “I just have a raw diet. I only eat raw foods.” Now some of you have been around since the beginning of this work. You might remember that there was somebody who only ate raw carrots. Very proud of that.

He turned orange.

S: Turned orange, it’s true, turned orange. Aye, there comes a point that too much of a good thing shows up.

Like Willie Wonka.

S: Next in that line, you allow the breakdown of relationship, the breakdown of your body, but a part of body was your mental-emotional state, because that’s a part of your physical experience too. What do you do to laugh? Do you know how healing laughter is? Laugh every day until it kills you. Laughter, true laughter, clears your mind. When you are too gummed up with all of those sticky thoughts, you need laughter. Do you know that it’s not love that holds most American marriages together? It’s [that] you have a good time. “He makes me laugh.”

What do you do so that your mind grows? Well, I don’t ever want to be a threat to the people I love in my life and so I’m making sure that I’m staying at the exact mental age that I was when we first met. Same mind set. Same things to like; same things to not like—mental starvation. It’s a whole new world out there every day, learn something about it.

Emotionally. Emotions are symptoms, not cause, symptoms. They are signposts. Your accepting of the emotion if it’s working for you at the moment. If it’s not working for you at the moment, it’s a bad emotion. Look at them. Don’t live it.

And the third thing that most people do to ensure that they have an unhappy life experience, to sabotage themselves, to prove to themselves that they are unworthy in so many different ways is to, in one way or another, not get a handle on your finances. Now, you can have a lot of money and still be impoverished. And there are those who have very little money at all and have delusions of grandeur. And that’ll get you in trouble too. A handle on balance. And that’s because financial issues for you, in this society, they mark so much whether you buy into it or not, your knowing what your weaknesses or what your strengths are, having workable goals, being able to give to others and give to yourself as well as pay your responsibilities, these things show up in the way that you see yourself, and the way that you function in relationships, so guess what’s one of the easiest ways to sabotage both at the same time? Being financially inept can break down your emotional and your physical body, and ruin your relationships. That one can wreck it all. Isn’t that handy?

One-stop shopping.

S: Which maybe means one-stop stopping could be helpful.

Now, when I came in tonight, I wanted to talk to you about the three things that you’re going to find as your biggest sabotages over these next few weeks. And those three things are wrecking your relationships, and wrecking your physical experience, and wrecking your financial experience. What comes up in your head? What comes up in your belief system? What makes you happy and does not make you happy, because at the most basic level, that’s something that you can do say, “Hmm, maybe this works, and that doesn’t.” Because—guess what—the reason things make you happy is because you’re good at it, one way or another. It’s giving you something you like about you, even if it doesn’t appear to be about you.

Sabotage is easy. Most of you have spent a lifetime perfecting it. Open your eyes. “Samuel, that cannot be right. You don’t open your eyes. Really what you meant . . . it was just a mistake, wasn’t it? It was open your heart, because it’s all about love and light, right?” Open your . . . no, open your eyes, and look at you. Where are you? Earth. What rules earth? Form. What rules form? Free will. Choices. You did not think I was going to come back at all did you? Choices. That’s what’s in front of you. And you are going to follow a pattern or make a new one. It’s always as easy as, “Well, I really don’t like therefore I’m going to do the exact opposite.” But some of you’ve got really good at it. Then I’ve got to reel it back in.

If you are truly fulfilled, happy, with laughter, joy, ease, flow, if you are experiencing the miracles that happen daily as a part of your birthright, as opposed to genetic difficulties, if you are experiencing the beauty and the power and the love that this world is about, don’t change. You’re doing it well. Keep it up. Write a book. Be an example. But if you’ve got these kind of, maybe sort of dusty, little boxes way back there in the back of your heart that you were hoping you would never have to look at again—maybe it’s not such a little box, maybe it’s a big box. [It] started out little, but you just kept shoving more and more things into it—if you find that you don’t have the big three—do you know what the big three are?

Money, sex and body fat.

S: No. “Would that be sex, money and body fat?” No! Do you have peace? Do you have joy—we’ll put laughter in that too? Do you feel fulfilled? That’s hard for me. I want to say, “Do you fweel fwulfilled,” and the front row is still wiping it off. And you can answer, “Yes, I feel that in this situation,” don’t change, but if you’re not feeling that you don’t have anything to lose. Try a different direction. “I’m going to get up tomorrow morning. I’m going to follow the same way without the sabotages this time.” It might work for you. It’s got to be better. And “I’m living in a constant drama,” because life has not excitement for you, and so you’ve got to make everything desperately important so it feels like you’re sort of living. It’s got to be better than constantly being surrounded by people who gripe at you all of the time. Nag, nag, nag, nag. Same old stuff over and over and over. That’s a hint. It’s got to be better than not having joy, than not being fulfilled and forgetting what peace feels like.

You are in this world to help change this world. You do that by the example of your moment by moment thinking and doing. You change this world by changing yourself, and with every moment you are making a decision “I will do this with love, I will do it to be alive and loving and growing and changing and risking and falling and getting back up, or I’ll just survive until finally I throw myself in front of a truck, because it will be more exciting.”

Every day you have in front of you at least three opportunities to change the world. Look for them. Claim them.

[A cell phone starts playing the William Tell Overture. Laughter.] That is William Tell, yes?

The Lone Ranger.

S: And act with love. Don’t forget we’re in this together. Don’t need to do it alone.