June 25, 2006

Samuel: Well greetings dears.

Greetings, Samuel.

S: Nice. Interesting group tonight.

You have made it through the first half of a very, very important year, and through the first half of this year, you have, for all practical purposes, been experiencing a small version of what you’re going to be living with in the second half of the year. What I would like for you to think about for just a few moments: What has the first few months of this year given you? When you think back to January and February, moving on into spring, what are the high points? What if any, are the low points?

I talked to you a lot about chaos the first few months of this year as well as a little bit of further discussion here and there on the Laws Of Extremes. And that’s because chaos and extremes are best friends, true, but also because in your life, the nature of the energy has been such that you have been dealing with chaos and extremes. And as is the case any time you are looking at chaos—and in fact any time you are looking at anything going on in your life—the way that you look at it fully determines how you experience it. And with chaos, what are the ways that you can experience it?

Well, of course it can be a time of great change but it can also be an opening, it can be . . .

S: You can experience it as change. You can experience it as an open, a doorway, an opening.

Opportunities, potential for creation.

S: That becomes a perspective of it. You can see it as potential, opportunity. That’s good.

Or you can experience it through fear.

S: Or fear can take over, and when fear takes over what does chaos look like?


S: Stress, Hell. Was that what you were going to say, Suzanne?

Also overwhelm.

S: And overwhelm, yes.

And others in control.

S: And it seems as though you have no control and you fear the control others have on you. And that tends to create its own set of reactionary living experiences such as what?

Unfortunately, I was creating the chaos in my home, and through that it led me to the inside of my issues that I need to deal with for this year.

S: Good. The point of power is when you realized who was creating it. That’s where the power is. It’s not in what you do to make it change, the power is when you realized, Here is what’s going on. [Oma yips] And we will take that as a punctuation, an explanation point from Oma.

I had the same experience the first part of this year. I experienced a change of consciousness and through it the healing of really old wounds, really, really old wounds, and the feeling of, like what was just said, that I was creating, I was creating turmoil.

S: And did you recognize, and Lisa, did you recognize a point where it wasn’t “out there”, you realized it was “in here”?


S: It is. And to bring about healing in a situation like that can you tell me in one word what’s needed?


S: Forgiveness. Forgiveness. And the greatest key to change chaos from a painful, fearful experience into the force of creation that it is, is forgiveness. And with a bit of review here, what do you forgive? Who do you forgive? You forgive yourself.

The Universe.

S: You forgive the Universe, Source. You forgive the situation, if it’s people, an experience; the triunity of forgiveness that shows up in every situation that is bringing pain and fear into your life. There is a place within that in which forgiveness is required.

Now I have a question: Suppose what has been creating the pain and chaos in your life has been somebody that you have been holding ill will about for months, years, days, lifetimes. I’m glad some of you are laughing tonight. Don’t you just hate it when I rummage around in your head? What is it that? Let’s see, wait. Let me back up and move around this from a different direction. You have in your life a need to forgive, when you see fear, when you see the behaviors, the reactionary behaviors of fear, when you have in your life, chaotic conditions that bring about such symptoms as stress. And stress shows up as improper sleep, particularly because you can, for different reasons, go without good sleep and not be too damaged by it if you still have your dream states going. If you’re getting deep enough sleep that you’re dreaming, then your body’s going to be able to adapt for the most part, to a difficult sleeping arrangement. When Sanat was first born, how long was it before you got a whole night’s sleep? Your answer is, “How old is he now?”

Two months back.

S: And in the beginning it was very difficult wasn’t it?


S: And not only as he has grown and his needs have become less through the night, so you have adapted through it and that’s made a difference. But a new baby is not the only sort of time that that comes about. What are other times?

I feel like I’m the poster child for this. Shift work, you know, having jet lag every day.

S: That’s right. Working a night shift can cause your—particularly when you have things that you want to do with people who are not on the night shift—that can cause your body’s sleep patterns to be quite disrupted. Very good, what else?

Alcohol and caffeine will . . .

S: That’s right, that’s right. So can being . . . again.


S: Yes, yes. The things that you eat, the things that you drink, the things that you put into your head before you go to sleep, the covers that you are sleeping in, the nature of the bed that you are sleeping on, there is so much involved in your being able to have a good night’s sleep. So that there are constantly things that you can be doing to keep trying one more time to do it, but you know one of the best things to help you get good sleep is to be without bad stress, because, as I was saying, stress has a lot to do with being unable to sleep. Stress and having a lowered immune system and finding yourself getting sick, those who get every little thing that comes along and not eating well, not taking care of yourself in ways that you know you could be doing. These are stress reactions as well, and stress can be the response to a good set of circumstances in your life. What’s a good stress?

Marriage, somebody getting married.

S: Getting married, a lover, a new relationship going.


S: Travel. You love the travel; it’s a lot of fun but it’s stressful.

Having a baby.

S: Having a baby.

New job.

S: New job, good.

New house.

S: New house, all right, you’re getting the idea there. These are great things that are also hard on the body. There is bad stress, though, that takes away from rather than opens the door for adapting to. And let me explain what I mean there—I realize I’m talking backwards to you again. Bad stress, no, good stress—those things that you just mentioned; getting a new job, getting a new house, particularly when they are things that you like doing—has a stressful effect on you, but you are more willing to adapt to it. You are more willing to just take a deep breath and work through it because it’s this relationship, the love of your life—Oh, you’re so glad! You’re not getting any sleep, but you brag on that later, and you’re quite pleased. You put up with it, whereas when it is a negative stress it doesn’t have the good thing motivating you to deal with it. It does have something very important to look at though. What bad stress gives you, among its many gifts, is a view of negative motivation that works for you.

As you age, your body needs to get up two or three times during the night to go to the bathroom. And in my situation, Vernon, you know he shares the bed, we share the bed, so he gets up his two or three times, I get up my two or three times. Plus he has sleep apnea, which when he goes, I always listen for him to stop breathing so that I can shake him so he can breathe and have him turn over. All of those things are stressful, but because I accept the ageing process and because I love him so dearly, it becomes a stress that is manageable. I mean it just . . .

S: Acceptable.


S: And I agree, but I’m going to toss in one small warning. Too much good stress is still stress. You can push yourself to deal with the consequences of stress, but it’s still stress. And you want to try—well, let me ask you. You want to do something to change that situation. What are the sorts of things you can do to make change in your world? Now, I want to remind you again what I was just saying. Bonnie was talking about her particular situation, but it’s not all that different, not so much. There are things that shorten her sleep cycles and her sleep cycles tend to stay very light, but you dream. If her sleep cycles did not include dreaming she would start getting cranky (clears throat). She would begin to have physical changes going on in her body. She would start remembering things less, even more. She would find that the amount of energy that she had to do the things that she needs to do was not available there for her. She would also, given time and continual stress, begin to find such things as, along with getting more colds or flus, or in your particular case, bronchitis, pneumonia, asthma flairs, so forth. Asthma flares sounds sort of like it ought to be on the 4th of July doesn’t it? Puff, asthma flare. Not so though, aye, not so. They are a natural part of the ageing cycle to a certain extent. They are choosing to stay in bed with a loved one who you would not want to be sleeping without, yet who has certain behaviors—I won’t mention all the different kinds—that could keep you up. Now that was a joke too. Where are you tonight? I can already tell you that those who are watching the video caught it much faster than you did. You can . . . you know, what’s time to a hog? It’s all there. It’s all going on there.

There are things that you are able to do to bring about changes in stresses that need to be changed, and I want you to remember that that’s the road we’re on here, all right? And I want you also to remember that forgiveness is where I’m moving with this, all right? So moving back to where Bonnie said, “Well I’ve got stress but I’m willing to deal with it. It’s all right. I’m happy to listen for Vernon to continue breathing and I’m happy to. . . . ” And my comment is, you’re going to see within your world a certain amount of responses that happen to you physically, mentally, and even spiritually, when you’re not getting relief from the stress, even if it is good stress. And I will remind you, just in case you got lost in that hilarious joke I passed around just a moment ago, that stress is stress. Your perspective determines that it’s good stress and I am motivated to deal with it, or it’s bad stress and it’s an opportunity for you to see what motivates you, albeit negatively. Albeit, do people actually say that . . .


S: . . . or just write it?

Well, you just said it.

S: Aye, but all I put out is the seed of what’s going and the brain sort of shuffles it out, and I’m now and again surprised by. . . . Your life is always interesting.

So, stress: we’ve talked about good stress, we’ve talked about bad stress. We’ve talked about things that you might notice are going on in your life, physically, mentally, spiritually. I did not mention spiritually did I? What are some of the things that you might notice spiritually when you are overloaded with stress? Any ideas there, Mary Claire?

I think sometimes, at least for me, there’s a tendency to forget about my connection, and then when I reconnect with it then I can pull myself out of that stress. But it’s easy sometimes to get lost in stress and forget that you have that connection that’s so important.

S: As stress creates a situation in which you are slowly but surely alienating yourself or withdrawing from friends and family, so does spiritual stress create a withdrawal from positive behaviors that support you, positive people, particularly those who love you—which isn’t to say that you have people in your life who don’t love you; it’s just some of them don’t know they love you yet; they’ll catch on to that very soon—and from your connection. One of the biggest warnings to me is when I start hearing you forgetting your connections with Source, disempowering yourself, because that’s going to lead to more alienation. I’m going to step on some toes here, but I want you to remember that I’m doing it with a lot of love. It hurts me more than it hurts you.

That’s what my mother used to say.

S: And smack you anyway, hey?


S: When you start looking outside of yourself for power, giving your power away to me, I don’t want your power, back, back, to Spiritual teachers, to good people, to nice situations, good causes, when the good things in your life come to you because you’ve given up your power. Harvey.

With this withdrawal or separation, one would be, wouldn’t one be functioning entirely within the realm of ego, so that everything does seem separate?

S: And that’s a very, very important thing to realize there. Mind you, ego is not a bad thing. Ego is the means by which you work in the world and function in the world, but it’s all about security. It’s all about keeping this stuff going, alive, functioning, safe, keeping it safe. When ego is ruling, everything’s about you. Nobody can do things as bad, nobody can do things as good. It’s all about you. You are looking for ways to take care of you. Now what’s wrong with that? I’ve got to take care of me. Now that’s a good thing. That’s true isn’t it? You do need to take care of you, but it’s a tight rope. Colleen, Suzanne, Lakshmi.

When you can’t see anything else but what’s going on with you, I mean really, you get kind of self-absorbed and you think . . .

S: Self absorbed, that’s good.

. . . and then it really separates you even further from the very people or things that would help you be so caught up in what’s going on. I mean, because you’ve not been able to see the bigger picture, you’re not being able to reach out and be open to those connections, things, even messages, that if you weren’t so caught up in, you can’t, that inner voice can’t speak to you because it’s crowded in there with all that, those other beliefs and those fears and things, it’s just . . .

S: The drama . . .

. . . and it gets . . .

S: . . . the suffering, the misunderstanding, the . . .

. . . to even be able to listen.

S: Very, very well said. Suzanne.

Taking care of myself is often an excuse, a justification for dropping those things, as she said, that would feed me, that would bring me out, that, “Oh well, I got to take care of this. I would go to toning, but I need to take care of myself just this once and stay home.”

S: I think I’m pretty well guaranteed that it’s not just this once when you’re doing that. It becomes a way to justify behavior that would not be acceptable under better circumstances. That’s dangerous. Lakshmi.

I realize that I’m always taking care of myself. It’s how large or small I define myself. It’s whether I define me as this form-based ego personalities means or if I’m looking at myself as a larger me, whose purpose is very different and whose needs are very different.

S: And when you are defining yourself when you are looking out into the world, and “I see Vicky, who’s me, and so by serving Vicky, I am serving myself, and I see Mathew, who is me, and by helping Mathew I am helping myself, and by seeing Chris, who is me, and by helping him meet his needs I am going to open the doorways to get mine met. As opposed to “mini me”, right, “mini me?” Is that, aye? Because the little self needs a little world to function through, one small enough to be controlled, one small enough to keep you from harm, one small enough so that you do not need to socialize with others, develop intimate relationships, allow change to happen in your life. It keeps you from pain but it keeps you from life, and when you are kept from life you are, I promise eventually going to be in a lot of pain. Stuart.

No comment, tape.

S: Timing that was, aye? Well I’ve seen his hand so much that I thought, “Well, all right.” Cam.

It’s occurred to me that blame plays the role in this.

S: Yes it does, but particularly what kind of blame are you referring to?

Well I’m thinking of the ego distancing itself from others, the outside.

S: And it does that by?

Finding fault “out there” and blaming rather than taking responsibility for things.

S: Yes, yes. Think about something in your life that was very painful for you. Now I want you to put on your non-spiritual head for a moment, all right? I want you to look at it as a grumpy, dysfunctional, unhappy sort of person might, certainly nothing like you. All right? Just make this up. Perhaps make it up based on what you’ve seen other people do, but not you, not at all, they’re just passing on down the road. Who can you blame for that? You look at that difficult, bad situation. It’s this person’s fault. If this had not happened, if only this . . . that’s blame.

You can blame yourself and beat yourself up pretty bad too.

S: You can blame yourself and beat yourself up as well, yes. Frank, yes.

This is perhaps a different kind of blame, but what I catch myself wanting to do, and sometimes doing is, if things aren’t going the way I think they should, I might not blame anyone, but I realized that there’s no use doing all those good things I’ve been doing, and taking care of myself and all these spiritual practices because it doesn’t work anyway. And then I start taking them on in my life. So it’s not that I’m blaming them for doing it; I’m blaming them for not taking care of it the way I, not creating the life I want. It’s an excuse I use sometimes to not take as good care of myself as I should.

S: One, one I hear way too often is, “The Universe should have kept me from doing that, should have kept that from happening.” Yike.

Now I want you to think about something really good in your life, something you really enjoy: a person, a situation, relationship that’s good. Who do you blame for that?


S: And it’s the same ego, isn’t it? It’s the same ego that gives you all the credit for the good things and none of the credit for the bad things. And that’s dangerous. Stuart.

I do have a question to ask. I know it’s confusing but I . . .

S: It’s very confusing. How about when you have questions, you stand up back there?

Well, that’s the signal that we’re running out of tape.

S: He stands up and starts pacing back there

But that’s the five-minute mark then.

S: All right, your question.

I’m wondering about the spiritual stress. Are judging and blaming—picky things—are they the symptoms of being spiritually stressed, or do they create the spiritual stress? I mean, what comes first, that if we can use, “what if I can see myself, well I’m being really judgmental of this person or situation. Ah, okay, I’m under spiritual stress, a result of being stressed spiritually?” And then I can take steps I can take steps to eliminate that stress or how would this work?

S: Does anybody want to speak to that before I do? Lakshmi, then Mary Claire.

Usually when I react in a way that’s not loving, judging or blaming, it’s because I have forgotten my connection and I am not tuned. Then I do not have that bigger perspective of thinking, putting things in perspective so I can see the big picture and I am just focused on my small world that I want to control. And nothing is going right.

S: And with regard to the idea of spiritual stress, how does that fit, because Stuart is wanting to know, well, ultimately, how do you have spiritual stress in your life?

And usually that comes about because I’m not hanging out with these people, not toning, not doing things that remind me of that, because it’s so easy to forget that.

S: That’s good, very good.

Well it can be on different levels. When, in all that’s spiritual to me, it’s all there but, when I see myself having a judgmental thought about somebody, I mean, I look at myself and say, “Okay, how are you feeling about you? What is it that’s wanting you to make that judgment? What’s going on with you? Are you feeling good about yourself right now? If not, why?” But for me that’s a spiritual connection, because I’m asking higher parts of myself to help get me on track again with what took me off track, and then I get clarity on what took me off track. It usually has to do with something that I’m thinking about myself that causes a judgmental response, because I’m, it’s built, it builds, it’s an attempt, a very sick one, to build up again when that’s not the way it should happen.

S: And both of these are very good explanations of the symptoms of this kind of stress. Spiritual stress has one cause, and that cause is your separation from Source, your separation, your lack of a relationship, your lack of awareness of that connection. Who in here absolutely knows, to the bottom of their toes, that the Universe loves you best? That’s a relationship. That’s a relationship that works and is important. You need to know that. You need to have fun with it. You need to have ongoing relationships in which you are in a constant communication. I’m trying to avoid you walking down the street moving your lips while you’re talking to yourself, and was realizing that to say, “Have a constant communication going” could have you wearing aluminum foil hats next.

Ah, you laugh. Stuart says, “What’s wrong with aluminum foil hats? It keeps the voices at bay.”

When you do not know . . . Cathy.

It seems like the whole journey is just about overcoming separation. Is that just too simplified, or . . .

S: Well, yes and no. There’s no such thing as separation, so there’s really nothing to overcome.

. . . or the illusion of separation?

S: Overcome an illusion of separation, overcoming the point where you need separation to feel enough, and when you do overcome that, an amazing thing happens. You no longer need separation to be enough.

Now, let me move back, back, back, back, back, back. And I crow at dawn too. I thought that sounded sort of chicken like . . . (imitates a chicken).

Forgiveness is the key here. The ego says, “Forgiveness is looking at something outside of myself and being kind enough, compassionate enough, being enough to be able to open my heart and allow this good feeling,” which is sort of missing the point. Forgiveness isn’t because this person did something wrong, and being the kind and good and very spiritual person that you are, you are going to forgive them their trespasses.

Go ahead.

Is forgiveness, forgiveness is your perception . . . I can’t listen when speaking, of the situation that you are concerned about. It’s how you see it. They, that you’re concerned about, might simply be doing their job, where they are . . .

S: The way that you, the way that you forgive another begins with recognizing a change in perception, the way that the situation, the way that the person is being perceived, the first step in forgiving, in that ingredient list, in that solution of others, Source, situation and self. When you’re looking at the situation, the others that were involved, forgiveness does not begin, it does not begin until you are able to step back out of that situation and look at it from another perspective.

And what is the number-one way to change perspective? Be grateful. You cannot be grateful until you have changed your perception of it. You cannot be grateful until your view has changed. So reaching a point where you are able to be grateful means that you have stepped back and taken a look at, “What’s the good that’s come of this? How have I changed because of it?” Perspective requires gratitude for a permanent change.

Forgiving yourself is also about perception and perceptual change, but forgiving yourself has more to do with your connection with Source than it does the experience or the people involved. You forgive the experience, the people. You forgive Source. You forgive yourself. The yourself is more about your connection with Source than it is about what happened in a situation with others, so forgiving yourself has everything to do with your self-judgment and your personal view of yourself, what you are, how you are as a spiritual being even more so than as a human being. And that’s because when you do not forgive yourself, you are not seeing yourself as a part of Source.

I’ve dealt with this for a very long time, even right now, like ten minutes back, when you were talking about something, forever, about my not being a very professional dancer, very famous dancer and all of that stuff, because I know I had what it takes to do that, but I never had the opportunity to do that. My dad didn’t have the money and they kept moving from place to place, and so many other distractions. And I have dealt with this forever, knowing that, “I could do that, but why didn’t I?” and blaming my dad or blaming myself for not persevering. And I had moments of clarity around the saying that, “But that’s not needed for me to be here this time.” That would have been a major distraction, might have kept me from coming to this country here. And I know that when I am at that point, there is really not a question of forgiveness, there is only saying, “Ah, that’s why.”

S: And that is when forgiveness and awareness become the same thing, and there’s a lot of power in that, a lot of power in that. Suzanne and Colleen, are you asking questions?

I am.

S: All right.

I’m stuck on this. A little bit before the forgiveness, when you talked over, you talked about our need for separation in order to feel enough, or when we feel enough, we don’t have the need for separation. I don’t understand how a need for separation would make me feel like I’m enough. I don’t get the connection with that at all.

S: Well it depends upon what it is that makes you enough. If it’s having those things in the world that make you upset when somebody doesn’t give it to you, and you have to . . . a signal or a . . .

A question.

S: If what you want is to be the premier chello player in the Lexington Symphony, which is . . .

Kind of a small part.

S: . . . sort of sad, isn’t it? But still, if that was what you wanted, and do they, do they call it you’re in a chair?

Yes, first chair.

S: You’re a first chair?

Principle cellist.

S: All right, the principle cellist is first chair and you are second chair, and you don’t like the person that is first chair, and you know that they are sucking up to and doing all of these things that, all of these things that you would never do.

And you would play better than them, too.

S: And of course you play better and you practice more. You’ve worked harder and you deserve it more and . . . and if what you want, if what your life is about is something this world has to offer you, then you’re going to judge based on what you are getting from the world.

I’m going to judge my connection with Source based on that.

S: Yes, yes.


S: If what you want from this world is to be the best that you can, fulfilling the greater purpose of your being here; I’m trying to even avoid saying, to be a Guardian, to be a Perfecti in this world. I’m trying to just say even be the very best, the most loving being you can be, you’re not looking at “stuff” to be that answer. You’re going to be looking at yourself, being the best you can, you’re going to be looking at, and I don’t want to put a little box around it to say “God” or “your spiritual path,” but you’re going to recognize a partnership that moves beyond what can be seen and heard and felt here, because you’re pulling out of you that which is beyond the “nitty-gritty” of the world. And the way that you judge yourself isn’t about how much stuff do I have, it’s how am I living a higher path? Forgiveness opens doors. It’s not the cure. “I forgave my father and I’m still angry.” Get over it. Get over it. Stop it!

Forgiving yourself, when it’s coming from a place of, “I am doing the best I can where I am with what I have. I’m here to Live Love. I’m choosing to Live Love. I have learned all kinds of ways not to live love. I’ve learned all kinds of ways not to do a whole lot of things, but I am choosing to function at my best and do my best, to recognize my connection with Source and to do those things that allow that connection to become stronger.” You’re not judging and cutting off and separating that way. When you’re basing your love on what you are about, rather than who you are having to keep secure, your ability to forgive changes. It gives you awareness on the physical level. It gives you compassion on the mental-emotional level, and it gives you fulfillment on the spiritual level. But those things are not the end, they are the beginning.

Right now, you have in front of you, I would say, six months, but it’s actually more like eight, all right? You have eight months of looking at what you’ve been creating. It’s time to change the behaviors that represent a part of you that you don’t want your life to be tainted by. You will judge you by that. I would like to say you wouldn’t, but the fact of it is you will. You will judge you by that, and because of that you will eliminate some of the good you could be doing, because you have needed to justify how stinky you are so that you did not have to be what you are. You have eight months in front of you because you’ve had six months of seeing what’s in your pathway, what needs to be smoothed or fixed, what needs to be changed. You’ve had six months of seeing what you do when you are stressed out, what you do when you are blissed out, what you do when you’re getting what you want, what you do when you’re not getting what you want. And some of you are pretty embarrassing.

And you’ve got eight months in front of you now to figure out how forgiveness, awareness, compassion, fulfillment is needed to bring the open door of completion, the next step, the advancement, that it brings. You, you are capable of so much more than you think, and a lot of that incredible capability you fritter away with stress, fear, pain, suffering. You fritter away with judgment; self, others, it doesn’t matter, it’s all you. You have so much, so much you can do if you will forgive you and get started. I did not say get started and forgive you, I said, “Forgive you and get started.” It is time.