Questions & Answers: Making Life Better

October 5, 2008

Samuel: Hello, dears.

Hi, Samuel.

S: How are you? So, let’s take a few of you back in just a short bit of time. How have you made somebody’s life better and brighter today? You are this day two things, but it’s as much as you want to be of it. I want to have questions and answers tonight and that means it’s going to be a whole lot easier. This is a great night. If you have any questions, be sure to call on yourself. Call on the others as they deem it. Do not let the same three people ask all of the questions. So, if they keep raising their hand—“Well, what about, what about, what about?”—just look at the other side of the room and point at a few of those, and if you feel like answering any of them just pop right in. It could happen.

How did you make somebody’s life better and brighter this day? Kathy.

I have a friend whose daughter is getting married on Saturday, and my friend and her husband are absolutely committed to doing everything themselves. And I realized early on that my friend’s sewing ability was not . . . well, anyway, I have been saying, “You know, I’d be glad to help you out. I’ll be glad.” Well, finally she said yes, and so I’m fixing the wedding dress for her daughter, Jessica. But it’s only Saturday, so I don’t have a lot of time.

S: That was also an energy request. You’re making a life better and brighter with that gift. That’s lovely. And can you imagine how remarkable it would be to have an important dress like that . . . well, maybe not . . . absolutely stitched with love, every bit of it?

Paula.

My daughter-in-law has been collecting pictures of her two children for close to eleven years and now she has boxes full of photographs and it got to the point where it was so overwhelming she did not know what to do with them. And so today we met and she came over and brought all her pictures, and I started to help her sort through them so that she can start making scrapbooks for her children when they grow up. And it was a lovely time, because you know, she gave to me, too. We got to talk about my grandkids and it was a wonderful time.

S: Well, now you see, that’s another one that’s going to be not just a day, but a life, brighter and better, two lives, four lives, nice.

Lillibeth.

My mom’s eighty-seven and she has a lot of energy. She’s kind of hard to keep up with sometimes. But I have injured my back and she has just been doing a lot of extra things that I can’t do. So I was thinking about that last night, and I wrote her a note that was just telling her how grateful I am for all that she does, even when I know that she doesn’t feel well sometimes when her legs hurt, but she’s still going and doing all these things out of the love of her heart. And it just was real specific. It told her exactly the things that she had done, you know, and how much it touches me the way that she just goes on even when she’s not doing so well herself sometimes, and that she was such an example in that way. And today she just said, “That was just such a wonderful note.” Sometimes people do things that are daily tasks and we just walk right by them—we don’t acknowledge them—and I think it’s just, I felt like it was a good thing to do to let her know that these things are big things, you know. They may seem small, but they’re big things and they’re appreciated.

S:Tell me lessons to take away from that, and please don’t all speak at once.

I think the specifics that she used to explain. You know, it wasn’t just a general thank-you; it was very specific.

S: Spoke in specifics, particularly. “You have touched my life in a good way.” When this was done, when that was done, why is that important?

It shows that they have really been aware of just what you were doing.

S: That’s right. It’s very clear then that this isn’t just an “Oh, thank you so much.” It is a “Thank you so much.” More . . .

Well, another thing is it’s not that the big things that you do for another aren’t important, but when you can fully be aware of and recognize the things that many of us take for granted, like it’s a mother to a daughter, the kind of things that we do take for granted because they are things that are generally expected that moms will do. And it’s everyday things that make it, I think, even more special, even more of an impact because of that very thing.

S: Lovely, lovely. You’ve got to be quick they just pop right in. Gwen.

I have a what I call a rather prickly relationship with my youngest daughter.

S: And that’s such a nice way to say it.

There was something that she wanted to do today and I said, “Go ahead and do it.” “Well, I don’t want to do it alone.” And I didn’t want to, but I encouraged her to go. Well, anyway, later she was telling me what had happened. This actually was a friend’s horse racing. I knew I was coming here and I didn’t want that to be so close. It was the last race. And she called me and she said, “Well the horse won and he paid eight to one and we could have . . .” And she was unhappy with the whole thing and I said, “Well, another time.” And I got in the car and was driving here and I took my phone and dialed her number and said, “I am really sorry. We could have worked this out somehow and I shouldn’t have been such a stick-in-the-mud or avoiding the situation or whatever was behind me.” But in apologizing she just opened up. She said, “It’s ok.” As I say, this is a difficult relationship that has me sometimes actually dodging it, and I felt better and she felt better that I could say, “I’m really sorry.” I should have just bit the bullet and gone because I could have ducked out of there early. I mean if you really look at things and you really want to do something.

S: That’s lovely. Bonnie.

Lillibeth forgot to mention one other thing that she had done today to make somebody really, really happy. Before the trip I had given her my name tag to take with her. And not only did she tell me she put my name into the circle, she described a lot about the ritual and things and absolutely made my day, big time. Thank you, sweetie.

S: You’re on a roll. Jean.

As any of you that are on OneHeart know, my son passed his bar exam, because I thanked you all, and so many of you wrote really nice notes back to me. So I compiled them all and I sent them all to my son. I have no idea—I just did it a little while ago—I have no idea what his response will be, but I just wanted him to know what kind of love feeds me. When I was in Mexico he had called me and he said, “I am so proud of you for following your dreams.” And I just wanted him to know you are the best.

S: That’s lovely. There is an empty seat here and its between two remarkable people. And now, it’s a whole row of them.

You are moving into the really fast part of the year. You’re at that point now where you turn around now and say, “It’s already October, November, December, December Events.” It’s a time that’s full of “should, must,” maybe not so full of loving, gentle “no.” It’s a time in which you can get yourself overburdened, overworked and undernourished. Oh, maybe physically speaking, perhaps, but I’m really meaning spiritually speaking. It’s so easy when there is so much going on to forget to give yourself what you need in all areas.

I would like to have a discussion of sorts about the kinds of things that come up in your life these last few months, the ways, perhaps, that you make it work, things that you know help, things that you do, maybe things that you don’t do and want some help with that. I want this to be a night in which we all teach, that we all help one another with ways to make life work better. So take a few moments and think about what works for you when you start getting in too deep. Think about what the warning signs are for you, because, you know, some people don’t realize that they give themselves warning about starting to get over-stressed, starting to get cranky, starting to get on the road that is going to lead you to getting sick, staying sick, making others sick, you know. I’d also like for you to think about if there are areas within that sort of family stuff, work stuff, how we can serve better—any ideas about any of that. I’d also like you to think about if you have any questions about how better to deal with some of that. And in addition to that, I’m also going to open up for any questions that those of you who were in Mexico may have about that. There were so many things that we talked about, so very many things, that you might want just a few more dabs into. So that’s a lot and where I really want to go is, What do you need to be the best you can be?—not only through the rest of this year, but this is a time in which a lot of people start breaking down; so through the end of the year is absolutely important, but now, in your life. And I have Source here. This is Source Greg. Everybody knows Source Greg, who is going to be my eyes and partial brain so that I can play with the baby. “Him again, all right, bye.”

Going to get braver and braver.

S: Promises, promises. So, who wants to start? And we will know that all of those who are watching this after tonight or on the Internet watching it right now, your questions will come through telepathically to various audience members and they will just get it and ask your question for you. And if it doesn’t get through then you know you need to practice.

Greg: Frank.

This has to do with a question from Mexico and that relates to tonight. In Mexico, when you were talking about the abuse of power, and also as it related to us all in Atlantis, you made a comment something like that the first person, first time a person said, “I want,” that’s when the downward spiral happened that led to the fall. And we’re going to be talking tonight about things I can do to make it easier for me and how do I know when those things I want to do, because I know it will help me survive this period, how do I know that that’s not an abuse of my power and that isn’t one of those where I’m putting my wants ahead of unity and the working of the group?

S: That’s lovely. That’s lovely, really lovely; mainly because I want is quite different than I need, and what you need to be the best you can be is probably a whole lot different than what you want to do that. Now, I realize I’m just sort of playing a word game with you there, but truly, the answer is what you need to be the best you can be is not want. Want, as I was using it there, as I’m using it here, is where you are shifting out of a recognition of your place in a greater whole. You’re focusing on the “you” instead of you as a part of a greater whole and you are looking at what you want. Now, that was a long discussion that covered days, regarding misuse of power, particularly with regard to misapplication of ego.

And it sounds like an action that is based on what I want and an action that is based on what I need may work exactly the same. It looks like the intent and the reason behind it really is what’s important.

S: Well, that would be true but what do you think? Do you think that it’s all about intent when it’s want to need?

As long as your intent is good.

S: Well, and that’s true but if your intent is bad . . . that’s an easy slide there and I want you to be careful with that because there is a very big difference between what you want and what you need. Is it about that?

What?

S: Is it about . . .

Yes.

S: All right.

When I ask for something I say what my desire is but only if it’s to the highest good and that pretty much covers it for me.

S: Lovely, lovely. Good point, good point. Remembering that this or something better for the highest good of all protects you, so to speak, protects you from insisting on life being one way, the way you see it through your little hole in the wall, that it allows that you are again a part of that greater whole.

Working with the Universe.

S: Working with instead of asking for special dispensation because you count more than anyone else.

Look to him.

Greg: Heidi.

Want, to me, has expectation attached, like someone saying, “I want the most perfect Christmas I can have.” And need, as you’re speaking to me, would be, “I would really, I need for everybody to be as happy as they can be and get along as well as we’ve ever gotten along.” That my expectation for how it’s going to be for me is less than what the whole group or how everything around it, everybody else, is going to be.

S: A Guardian, a master, looks at the world that you have a place in. The child, the student, the seeker that just hasn’t gotten there yet, they look to see how the world is taking care of them. Your larger picture is all, is all that satisfies you. Now, you might think that, “No, I would be really happy if all of my wants and needs were taken care of and I need this for that to happen and I need that for that to happen.” But the fact of it is, for Guardians, what makes you truly happy is to be able to love, to give, to serve. And if you’re not sure you agree with that, you haven’t served enough to see how true it is, because it is, isn’t it?

You know, I ought to follow that up with a statement about December Events coming up and an opportunity to serve, just let it be known.

Greg: Kathy.

I have an example of that.

S: Good.

I was at work and I was feeling really, really tired and I had a meeting with someone who I’m precepting. She’s putting on her first program at the hospital. And then I had another, I was working on another project for a physician who was putting on an online program for health care providers across the state. And I was really tired and I wanted a nap. I wanted a nap and I didn’t want to work that day, but I realized that that wasn’t an option. And what I was finally able . . . I really had to ask for help to get through the day because I was fatigued and I asked for a miracle. And then the miracle was that I realized that I was very important to those people because they needed me to help them with what they were doing. And when I realized that, because of what I was contributing for their project, it was going to bring it to a completion and they were going to have something to put out into the world, it totally changed my attitude to where I could actually go through the meetings and go through the detailed paper work that I had to do. But the miracle was shifting from being totally tired and not wanting to work and going to the bigger picture and recognizing that I had something to give that was important and that they needed.

S: And you were able to pull up the reserves and do what was needed.

Yes, and then I went home and took a nap.

S: So you got both.

I got both.

S: What turned things around for her?

Attitude, perspective.

S: Attitude, perspective

Connecting into more.

S: Yes, exactly so, lovely, lovely.

Greg: Lakshmi.

I have another recent example, as recent as just a few hours back. I had planned to have time with my dance teacher, who is visiting from India for almost like six months now. I have booked my tickets. I have planned to have this week with her, and I come back from Mexico and Srikant is not very well, Sanat is not very well, so they are both tired. And a couple of days after I come back, one of my very dear friends transitioned, so I’m spending most of my week with my friend just helping them. So, through all this Sanat and Srikant are just making it on their own, and I keep thinking, “As much as I have planned to be on this time with my teacher, as much as dance fulfills me, that’s really not going to fulfill me.” And I told this morning to Srikant, it was a big step of letting go, of saying, “You know, I’m thinking about not going.” I wasn’t even at a place to say I’m not going yet, but as I’m sitting here and thinking about all that, it’s so clear to me what is needed. What is needed is the Guardian that I am, not the dancer that I am. And what I need through dance is going to come to me if it’s needed. It’s going to come to me in some way. It doesn’t have to be one particular way or the way my brain interprets as “these are ways in which I get.” I can just close my eyes and merge with my teacher and there I have it. So, I’m just seeing how limitless this Universe is; helps me let go of my version.

S: So, it’s been lovely tonight. You can go home now because you got the message right there. What did you hear?

It’s not what you do, it’s who you are.

S: Not what you do, but who you are. Let’s change one word in there.

It’s what you are.

S: It’s what you are. Oh, that was good. What was needed is not the dancer I am, it’s the Guardian I am. That was good.

Samuel, you said that on the Yucatan trip that it would change us and I think for myself and probably a lot of other people, it certainly changed me. And one of the biggest ways is I woke up after the trip when we were back in Lexington, and I’ve never felt so much compassion in my heart. I think some of you guys know I’m having a problem with my brother and the way the will was and all this stuff, but anyway, so we haven’t spoken and it’s been over a year. I guess that compassion came through and before I felt hurt, but with this new energy that I got from the trip, I never felt so much love for him and I look at his life and how maybe he doesn’t understand things, and I just want to say, “It’s all right. It’s all right.” So, for me, I guess my question is, what do we do when we feel that kind of compassion? How do you keep that? I was really tested from an email before here about our roofer. We have a roofing situation and he wants to only pay half of what it is, so I’m just “over here it’s great, and over here it’s like . . .” So how do you deal with that?

S: And that’s a good question. How do you deal with that, that part of you filled with love and recognition and joy and knows that you’re here to live love, that you represent Source in this world and that that loving heart, on the other hand, isn’t a stupid heart? And as a result of that, there are times that you’re not real sure if the sort of compassion that creates a group hug is the compassion that’s needed or if it’s the compassion that says, “I love you. I don’t always agree with you. “How do you know which is needed? This is a trick question.

Greg: Lakshmi.

Samuel, for me it’s like I’m developing a new muscle so I have to use it in several different ways. It’s not used the same way over and over again. For example, right now I’ve learned that what is needed is not the dancer, but the Guardian. At times the dancer might be needed. So to know what applies for that particular situation so a holistic understanding of any compassion or anything, not just compassion used in many different ways and not just one way; how it is used in many different ways and not just in one way, or is abused in many ways and not in one way.

S: That’s excellent. That’s excellent. Remember, too, compassion is not pity. Compassion is not pity.

Greg: Frank.

For a lot of my life I thought that compassion was an emotional reaction, and a lot of time compassion is real easy—it’s just there: I’m feeling compassionate. But there’s other times when I realize I need to be compassionate here and I need to make the mental effort and do those things that a compassionate person would do.

S: For instance.

At least be sending love and energy and be working in a situation like that for a win/win and how can I make sure that I’m honoring the contract I had with the person and not being punishing, but also making sure that I get what I contracted for but . . .

S: Being responsible.

But for me a lot of it’s the mental attitude. And I’ve always thought the attitude was the compassion, and if it wasn’t there I just go on, but I realize sometimes I have to act compassionate even if I’m not feeling compassionate.

S: Frank, are you saying that compassion is a choice? Yes, yes, yes. And that’s absolutely true. It’s not one of those wispy “here-today, not-here-tomorrow, therefore good-today, not-good-tomorrow” sorts of things at all. Compassion is a choice just like happiness is a choice, loving is a choice; choosing to be the best you can be, which includes being responsible for those things that are yours, not taking on that which is someone else’s, but recognizing that there is a burden being carried by the other when they are holding onto their need to control or need to . . . If it’s not love what is it?

Fear.

S: It’s that simple, if it’s not love it’s fear. And if you know that the actions, the responses you are getting are responses based in fear, you can choose to look at it compassionately. And that might mean just being a little more patient. It might mean compassionately confronting. I can guarantee it will have to do with communication. But you are choosing to function with love; you are choosing to function compassionately, to use your wisdom, to follow what you know. You are not at the mercy of the Gods who throw compassion at you here, but not here. And I will promise you this: the easiest thing in the world that there is for you to do is to remain in a place of joy, of love, of power. “Oh, wait a minute, Samuel; I am here to tell you that’s absolutely not true. It’s really hard to go to those places and stay there.” No, it’s not. [Owen laughs] The wisdom of masters. It’s not hard. That is your natural state. Think about it for a moment: when you’re relaxed, maybe you’ve had, for whatever reason, some time off, been able to get away from all of the pull and push and pull and push of this world, you start to relax, you remember how to laugh again. You get a little lovey in there and you remind yourself that, “Oh, I remember this person.” It’s a state of love, which is natural to you. What is unnatural sticks up in your mind more because it’s unnatural. You can focus on that and make yourself pretty miserable. And you can hang around with all of the people who convince you that that’s the only choice there is and that life really is pretty miserable and that you have every right in the world to shake your first at the Gods or to shake your fist at your parents or whatever happens to be the anger of the moment; or you can remember, if it’s not love it’s fear. And you choose love. And what that means is so simple you could say it in your sleep. That means that you are doing the best you can where you are with what you have at the time, because the best you are is loving and compassionate and good. Don’t second guess you. You know the right thing to do because you are the right thing already.

Greg: Bonnie.

I hope I know the right thing to do, but in our family we have a drama going on with my grandson, and I have a perspective that is quite different from his mother and father, his other grandparents. And I find myself accepting their perspective or allowing their perspective to be what it is and holding back sometimes to offer a different perspective because I feel like I’m not honoring where they are with what they are feeling. And yet I have information that, if I could share it . . . I’m not always sure whether or not to share it or to try to share it in the gentlest, easiest way or to accept what is and their place in the situation. I guess my question is, When do I put out a different perspective? Is there a time and a place for it, or do I just allow what they’re experiencing to be . . .” You know my tendency is always to want to help, to fix.

S: Does anybody else in here have that tendency, to want to be able to step in and help and make things right and help things get fixed and clear? And just raise your hand if you have that going on with you. There’s a reason for it, you know. There is. You’ve done a lot of work in your life and gone through a lot to come to the wisdom you have now. Well, that natural kind of compassion that I spoke about a few moments ago means that, when you see somebody headed down the road you were just on, you want to say, “Wait.” Don’t take their choices away. You don’t hop out in front there and say, “No, there is only one thing you can do here and this is it.” But you might be able to say, “This is a road and this is a road and this is a road. Just make informed choices.” Bonnie is wanting to know, “How do you know when you can do that?” So how do you know when it’s all right?

Greg: Mary Claire.

S: A little louder, love.

In my own life I’ve had to stand back and see someone I love very much in a lot of pain, and I wanted to help, I wanted to rescue. It was the hardest thing for me to stand back and let that person make their own choices. But what I chose to do, from Samuel’s teachings, was to say, “I can help if you want it. Just let me know. But you have to ask me. It has to be your choice.”

S: Oh, there it is. Don’t you just hate that part? How many of you have come up with slimy little phrases that make it so that they know they’ve got to ask? Go ahead, put them up, it’s true. Some of them are rather gentle and sort of subtle and some of them are, “Are you asking?” Because there is a very interesting thing about human nature in this culture, and it is, “I am right. I am in control. I know what I should do,” which seems to be written into the Constitution, I think, because it seems to be a very American sort of habit. Have you noticed this?

Yes.

S: So for somebody to ask for help, that means they’re a failure, right? Well, of course you know that’s not true, but that’s what it feels like. When you need help on the road you don’t want to ask, you don’t want to bother. You don’t want to have a whole lot more good advice stuck out in front of you and then are you going to hurt their feelings if you don’t take it? And it’s just so involved. The law is, You must be asked. And that’s because the law is karma. What you put out comes back to you. And if what you put out—and many of you might recognize what I’m about to say because you are currently living past karma mistakes now, and that is times in which, totally by accident, you stepped forward and helped somebody through a hard time whether they wanted your help or not, and you are finding now in your life there are people who seem to be wanting to take control of you, who want to make decisions for you, who have decided maybe you’re not clever enough—or at least that’s what it will seem like—to know what’s best for you.

You do not know what someone else should do. You do not know what will help. You do not know another person’s path. What you do know is what has worked for you. But even if you had the very same addiction, whatever it might be, you still don’t know what path is right for them. That’s so hard for people who love, for people who are healers and helpers. You want to make it right. Well, there’s another way of saying that: “I want to control your actions.” “Samuel, no, I would never want that.” But that’s what you’re saying to them. So what can you say that works? Careful; trick question. One thing you can do is support and love and love—I just keep throwing them around, don’t I?— and “[I] love and support you in whatever way you need me to. I have not been through this kind of situation before. I’ve been through something that did teach me how to make better decisions, if that can be of any help to you.” That’s there too. “I’m here to love and support you.”

What else can you do? [Silence] Well, clearly nothing.

Well, in addition to saying something like that, I know for me, a lot of times just sending energy to them for whatever is highest and best for working out for them. Because, as you were saying earlier, everyone is on a different path, and so even if they ask me for my advice, I have to remind myself that I am not affected whether or not they take my advice. And that’s been a hard lesson for me to learn, because sometimes I think I know what would be best in that situation, and if they don’t take my advice and then they still are having the same problems, I want to be in there like, “Did you not hear what I said earlier?”

S: “I told you this would happen.”

Exactly. But then I have to always remind myself that it doesn’t matter if they listen or not. So even if they do sort of jump on the bandwagon of like, “What should I do? What should I do?” you give them the advice and detach from it. And then my way of detaching from it in a healthy manner is to send them love and light that they will learn the lessons that they need to learn in the way they need to have it be learned.

S: Doesn’t that just make you proud?

Greg: Harvey.

In addition there are co-dependency support groups one can join. They tell you about things like manipulation and control and those issues.

S: And just an addition to what he is saying there: It really helps to get support, be it others who are addicted or be it people who are positive while you’re trying to be positive. You want to surround yourself with what you want to be, with who you want to be.

I don’t think I expressed myself clearly. I think my question was more to the effect that I am judging the person that’s asking for my help. I am judging their ability to understand or take in something, some of your teachings and things. It’s almost like I think they’re not exposed to that kind of thinking and maybe I shouldn’t speak openly. I know you have to speak to a person in a way that they can understand it, but sometimes I think I hold back a little bit because I’m just assuming that they’ll not understand that I know that’s wrong.

S: You don’t like them any more, do you?

Not a bit.

S: Talk to that, Greg.

Greg: On the other side of everything there’s an outcome. And you start out at a point, like in this conversation or this dialogue here where we distinguish between want, necessity and need and desire, what was that? But there’s an obstacle and that obstacle is sometimes frightening, overwhelmingly frightening, sometimes hopefully for the wise, the wiser and the wisest. More tools can be an armor. And here, Samuel is saying the best armor is to put yourself in that state of love and happiness as I am hearing it. When I’m hearing my dear Bonnie talk, there’s an outcome. In most everything there’s an outcome. How do you get through that obstacle and then to the outcome? Is this what you want? Does it disappear as you go along? Does this all change? How do you become the […] at what you are, and them too, in this case?

S: Well, and in this particular case, not trusting that they will make the changes that are needed to do what’s going to help to get to that outcome. It’s not your place to judge. Do the best you can, where you are, with what you have at the time, with every bit of what you have. Bonnie, love, you’ve been asked. My goodness, you’ve been asked, so lay it out, but do not attach to what they do with it. And I can promise you, darling, they can’t think that you’re any weirder than they already think you are.

I’m not too worried about that. I mean that’s already established.

S: Just as a more personal aside here: You don’t trust for a good reason, and that’s what it is that you’re looking at there; it’s trust. They will not understand as you do because they don’t have that compact that you do. But you are going to open a door that they can choose to follow up or follow on. The follow on is when you’ve opened a door for somebody else to go into, and that’s all right because what you did is you gave the best you could, where you are with what you had at that time. And a very important thing to remember about that very simple-sounding phrase—because it does sound simple, but it’s tricky—where you are with what you have at the time. Because I promise you are going to make whatever decision it is that you make and you’re going to act on it and ten minutes later you’re going to say, “Oh.”

Or ten years later.

S: Or ten years later. That’s not there for you to do. You do the best you can now with what you have, not with what I hope I’m going to have tomorrow, not with what I can remember at least some of, a little bit of yesterday. Right now. And you need to remember that. The best you can, and you know what is the best you can.

And hopefully the other side of that outcome would be peace.

S: Or a personal success if not an all-around success . . . best you can, where you are, with what you have at the time.

Greg: Paula.

One of the pitfalls that I’ve learned about offering help or whatever in my own life is I’m often not, when I get down to the bottom of it, I’m not doing it because I want to help the other person. I’m doing it because I want to relieve my own discomfort with it. It’s got nothing to do, at the very basis of an intent, with what’s going on with them. It’s what’s going on with me and how I can control the situation so I feel better about it.

S: It’s one of those things in which you are sitting next to someone who starts to cry and you immediately start [patting sound] so that you’ll stop feeling so bad about it; whereas really, they need to cry.

When you can see yourself doing that, Paula, then you know that you are at a place of mastery, truly. It’s a hard one to come to, to catch you being maybe a little too human. Well, it takes looking from a higher place doesn’t it?

Greg: Jeanean.

I’m wondering about the use of power and the karma. I’ve gotten a lot from everything that’s been said, but in my role in my job, overseeing the foster-care program that has many foster families that take care of foster kids and you work with biological families and all kinds of families within the system and in my own system. In navigating all of that and trying to keep a bigger picture, often people don’t ask—never, almost, do people ask for your advice in how they should care for, handle a situation with a child. Often I offer it because it’s my role.

S: And that’s the key there because that is your role in your work. That’s different than your best friend, who has some questions going on. Remember that but keep going.

Well, that pretty much answers it, but I was just wondering: We all come with our own different biases for what ultimately would be in the highest good of whatever, and the system also has its judgment of what would be in the best interest. And trying to honor each individual person in their work and their efforts and not make them wrong, but yet putting in other suggestions. And it often comes to a situation where I have to say, “I need you to do this,” and that’s pretty much the end of it, because people are human and they come with their own stuff and they may, regardless of why they chose to take care of this child, may not be able to see it from that fifty-thousand-feet level of what’s going to happen in the long run for this family or this child. Or they may foster and choose to treat the child well but want nothing to do with the biological family, not understanding what that does to a child. So it just comes up a lot, and I’m always tiptoeing around how to do it in the most compassionate way.

S: And first, as often as you can, remember that you are a remarkable, magnificent gift to these people, that your love and, more than that, your wisdom is going to touch them always. If you never said anything about your personal belief structure, that you live it makes a difference. Having said that, you are incredibly fortunate because you can tell them what the law is. You can tell them what research and a thousand years of practical experience have said is needed. What you need to do, darling, and forgive me I’m going to push a “should” on you when we’re talking about how to deal with “shoulds.”

She asked.

S: I’m so relieved. You should forget that your beliefs have words, because how you interpret the law that you give is based in your beliefs. There is not a separation. Stop seeing it. And it’s your job to tell them what you know, and in fact it would be a disservice if you did not, which makes you, well—and the other psychologists in here—very fortunate, because you do get to tell people what it is they need to do to make their life better or to make the child’s life better. And you don’t have to detach quite as much.

But that’s stressful as well.

S: Yes it is.

Because I don’t get to attach and when a child is abused on my watch or when something happens and they don’t listen, I can feel my face twitching, I get to deal with it. And I would love to find a way where . . . I think in all my years of doing this work, I haven’t gotten as angry as I’ve gotten doing this work because people have their own interests first before the kids, and it does harm. And I get to see over and over and over that being done and it hurts me.

S: And I’m grateful for that.

On a weekly basis trying not to lose it and trying to just say, “I need you to do this. I need this to happen in this time period.”

S: What would happen if you lost it?

Well, I have mini-lost it. I’ve had many meltdowns and I’ve called people in on the spot. Parents don’t like that. And I’ve been told, “You’re power tripping” because I want them to allow the child to use the refrigerator and treat them like a human being and do normal, I mean come on. And I have done that and said, “No, this is the line and you’ve crossed it and if you want to . . .” But the problem in our system is they’ll just foster with someone else. So I’ve put out a lot of people but they’ll just go and foster with someone else and that hurts me. So there is not a lot of accountability in the system for these kids. So I go to meetings in Frankfort and I don’t lose it there, but I continue to try to work on the problem and come up with a new idea . . .

S: Which is to help change the system.

And help change the system. And so that’s just what I do.

S: What more can you do? [silence] My point, you’re doing the best you can and it is amazingly painful when the best you can be isn’t enough. Welcome to my world. But remember you are, you are, you are, you are not here to fix all of the world’s problems

[…]

S: Of course you do, of course you do. You work with what’s in front of you and you give it your best. And believe it or not, it is just as important for you to know when to let go as it is to know when to hold on, and that’s about your learning you; I’m doing my best, I’m not really doing my best; I’ve given it my all, I’ve not given it my all. When you have done your best, don’t you dare insult this person I love so much by insinuating that there should have been more. You cannot control how others take your best or what they do with it when they take it. You do your best. And when you stop doing your best . . .

Change jobs.

S: Yes, and the fact of it is, that’s why there’s high turnover. It’s like with nurses, it’s very hard to beat your head up against the system but you’re doing your best to change the system, you’re doing your best to help others. They’re asking by being in it, you are giving. You are being responsible and you are being dramatic when needed. I have no complaint. So maybe you’re insulting me?

I’m just making sure I’m not getting the karma list.

S: The fortunate part is, it’s your job. It’s your job. Now, is it Owen’s job, not yet? Is it Bonnie’s job? No, it’s your job.

I think she’s something.

S: Its true, you’d be amazed.

All right, I have a question for you. If you could boil down all of the things going on in your life, what is one thing you could change to make the next couple of months easier? What is something you can do—not something you wish you could do—what is something you can do to make the next couple of months easier?

Greg: Lakshmi

One of the things that I realized after the Yucatan trip is that I need to slow down to fully integrate all that I have learned, and one of the things I am going to do is write down all of those “shoulds” I have in my head and strike them all down and clear the list and start from scratch.

S: That’s lovely.

Greg: Cindy

One of the things that helps me is to remember to be sure and have enough fun. I came back from the trip thinking, Now you’ve got to get all of this information straight in your head. And it just seemed like one thing after another was up. “You want to do this? You want to do this? You want to do this?” I’ve just been playing and having fun, and it is so cool.

S: Good.

It is good because I think too much and I don’t always think right, but if I have enough fun then when I think I think better

S: Anyone else in here been accused of over-thinking stuff? . . . right. You know that’s lovely advice. Don’t forget.

Greg: Jim.

The feeling on what Cindy said is—as you mentioned earlier, the holiday season is coming—is looking ahead now and thinking what kind of holiday season do I want to have this year and taking those little steps now to make that happy, fun, easy, joyful season come about this year.

S: Yes, yes.

Slight correction, not what holiday I want to have, what holiday I need to have.

S:The holiday I need to have not the holiday I want to have, yes.

Greg: Heidi.

For me, if I start feeling overwhelmed and start obsessing—not that I really ever do that—which is my signal that I’m feeling overwhelmed, it means that I’m not fulfilled in my life, and I need to put those things into place that fulfill me.

S: Good, good. One of the things—it’s number one on the list of stupid human tricks, sorry—things start getting difficult so you start letting go of the easiest things to let go of and there goes your spiritual support system. Easiest thing to let go of is toning, because that takes up time, and who has the time, and there’s so much you’ve got to do and it’s. . . . You need your spiritual foundation, and if you are not consciously keeping it there, all of your issues in the world are going to cause you to have a harder time getting to them. It needs to be way up at the top of your list. That’s good.

I’ll do everything that everybody’s said—like Cindy particularly, because I need that—and what you just said, because I’ve found in the last several years that when you let go of your spiritual support system, the sense of community, that really helps more than anything. And then I was also going to say to do the best you can in a situation at the time, because I’m trying to line up things for this next travel position, and it has been so hard for me to let go of what is really not mine to do and that I can’t go back and have things done that I just didn’t have. So I can do the best part that I know to line up those things and do my part, and I have to let go of what I really can’t do anything about.

S: Lovely. I would like to make a few suggestions. One of them I’m going to take from Jim: think ahead of time. What would be the—and depending upon what you need—the easiest, the most elegant, the . . . Think about what is it you, and I’m going to say want. What is it you want? Now what do you need to make that happen? Are you doing this to make somebody else happy and it’s not something you want, because that sucks life out of you. Are you doing that to make yourself happy because you are the center of the Universe and it doesn’t matter what anybody else wants? That’s not going to make you happy. Are you doing that because this is a balanced part of your life and you do in all areas of your life, that which maintains the balance? I’ll give you a hint there: usually not, because the first thing that it requires is having your life in balance. When everything goes . . .

South?

S: South . . . You’ve got the idea. Well, I’m kind of a little confused in there, between hell and a handbasket and baby with bath water. I’m not real sure which one would be the most appropriate there but . . .

Throwing out the baby with the bath water.

S: Well, it was just about an odd mixture of the two, so. You are needed in this world. You would not be here if you did not have a place in the process. You would not be here—and I mean here, but this works too—if you did not have a purpose, a compact. Every one of you in here, just separate your brain and move it over a little bit so that you don’t start immediately talking yourself out of this. Think about it. You have always known, haven’t you, that you’re here to help, that you’re here, somehow, to make a difference? You know that. You know that. You know that even when you don’t know what you had for breakfast today. You are a remarkable being of such great love and power, and you have thrown this Halloween costume over yourself so that you can mix with the locals. Your very presence changes things. Your life affects others; you can’t get around it. You are here to change the world one person at a time, and when your life gets out of balance you forget that and you start thinking you’re not making a difference and that what you do doesn’t matter. One by one by one you will change this world. You will, because you can do nothing but. But the only way you can change this world is by changing yourself, and the only way you can change yourself is with love. That’s all there is, all there has ever been, the greatest power, the highest standard, the easiest choice. If it’s not love, its fear. Which do you choose? Choose love. Do what you know to be at that moment the most loving thing. Don’t need them to do it your way. Be willing to share the glory, pass along the recognition, love with all of your heart. You are going to make a difference and you’re going to make that difference so that this year that has been so full of loss is going to end with a bright and beautiful fulfillment of your purpose. So be it.

You’ve been very good at this.

Greg: Thank you, Samuel.

S: Thank you. It’s rather disturbing that extra eyes are needed, but they’re such pretty eyes.

Happy trails.