Money And The Seeds Of Suffering

April 5, 1998

Samuel: Hello, dears.

Greetings, Samuel.

S: Aye. Are you ready?

Sure.

S: Seat belts on? Last train. You knew it was a light at the end of the tunnel. Aye. You just weren’t quite suspecting it was an oncoming train. And that’s the good news!

How’s life?

Fast.

S: Indeed? How … after I talked about the hole within each one, I have since come to understand that that has several meanings amongst you, and so I should not truly ask you how your hole is doing, should I? Especially after last night’s entertainment.

However, remembering the discussion of that holey thing, and my wanting to know what you made of it, before we get going this night, why don’t you give me a report about your homework. What did you find out when you claimed it, and named it and spoke with it? Called it Source or God. How was it for you?

You can learn a lot from the shape of that hole, because it’s like what you said in Atlanta, when someone dies, they leave a hole, and that has a certain shape in the lives of the people that are still here. And that shape shows you that nothing short of the real thing is going to fill it. So then you know something about what you’re after.

S: Aye. And start finding out a whole lot about what is the real thing for you, too. Aye. More. [Long pause] Was it just that odd a conversation we had? Was that it? Frank.

For me, it’s the way I continued it, and am continuing it. It’s been interesting, because when I first started I had a realization that for me the hole was like a window, rather than a […] or anything like that. It was a window that opened to Source. And so it was like talking to Source and realizing that it wasn’t […], but realizing that when I’m coming from my human perspective I am so much less than Source, that I feel like I’m needing to fill that hole. And sometimes in my life I’ve tried to cover the window by different lifestyles and different habits, so that I don’t have to deal with the sensitivities and awarenesses that came about for me, being aware of my Source connection. And so I worked with that a lot and realized that that window really is an opening to Source, and you can use it to access the limitlessness of Source.

During this last week, I realized that if I […] that window so that it takes on the exact shape of my body, then I become the window for Source, and I can actually be like the filter, so that the larger Source comes through me. I become the way that Source can project itself into this world, and it helps me realize that I am a projection of Source working in the world.

S: Beautiful. Beautiful. Excellent. Lovely. Aye.

I had already got that before you spoke of it, and the thing that happened when you brought it to my conscious mind was that it reminded me a lot of the yin-yang symbol, how when you can stand in the center of what is density here and be absolutely closest to the light. And just by your focus and your change, you make that difference. And that perspective, it totally changed.

S: Aye. Aye. Look at me, and while you’re looking here [points to forehead], do you see the picture behind me?

Yes.

S: Now focus on the picture. And can you see me? And yet it’s a change of focus. What you are intending to do, determines the way you need to see. And such it is with that window. Your focus upon the wall […] you are going to be at the moment, to see this or to see this, and recognizing that one does not eliminate the other, but the need, the function required determines which one has your attention at the moment. That’s good.

And along with the understanding of Frank’s that the hole is a window or a doorway, right there, a doorway that leads to the other room, that leads to this room, a doorway, and depending upon your perspective, upon where you are, determines which direction it is of use for you. But it is a means of connecting into that which is simply on the other side.

Now I want you to think about a window in your home, all right? And when you think about a window, you usually think about elements such as … what? What makes up a window?

Glass.

S: Glass. Good.

The frame.

S: Frame.

Mullions.

S: Again.

Mullions.

S: Mullions. Could be. Aye. And often you decorate them. You make that frame extremely beautifully carved wood. Aye. Or maybe today, beautifully carved plastic. And you put cloth around it to draw attention to that space. It’s very beautiful, and you can spend a lot of time—in fact I would imagine that there are those who could spend their whole lives— simply decorating up a window. Aye. But what makes a window work? What’s the functioning aspect of the window? Is it that beautiful shaping of cloth around it, or those highly carved …?

it’s what it opens onto, like the light or the scenery, whatever it opens to. The light coming through it or the scene.

S: It’s the hole. It’s …

Otherwise there’s no reason to have a window.

S: Right. It’s the hole. And all of the things that are done to make that hole more workable for your life tend to be all of those things that you do to create and invent and fill that place. It’s your connection.

And I speak about it, because in having the opportunity to talk with you and others of late, I have become very, very aware of the sort of suffering—and that’s the word that’s been used over and over and over, suffering—that you are aware of these days. It’s a dirty window, you know, that makes the view look so misty and hard to see. And one of the things that, I believe, has been dirty in those windows is something that actually floats around in your consciousness quite a bit this time of year. This is April. And what does April offer? [Audience calls out a variety of answers]

It offers all sorts of interesting things. Pollen. And the allergy crew up here said, Pollen. And Easter.

[…] those of the sacrificial part of it.

S: The sacrificial aspects of life. Good. And …

Wesak.

S: The Wesaks, and the energy …

Gardening.

S: And … again?

Gardening.

S: And an opportunity to create and be a part of new life through the garden. Planting.

Rain.

Taxes.

S: Often the rain is representative of storms that are very much of this season of transition. And Frank mentioned taxes, which was, interestingly enough, the one I was going for.

Suffering.

S: Suffering. That’s right. That was a connection right there. That’s twice now, love.

And I thought he was going to say the end of March Madness. Aye, everybody has their own window, don’t they? And for some of them it’s called basketball. Aye. I’m catching on, Stuart.

I want to talk to you about money, because you need it in this world. This time of year a lot of people are very focused on their money, and I have also been aware that a lot of people are focused on suffering. And both in your world right now—where internationally in a scope beyond, I believe, your awareness, there is an international economic crisis going on that’s having a profound effect, and will continue to have a profound effect for quite some time, as that construct is in its process of changing—but also for so many of you, within your personal life (Just wait, it will come A personal life I mean.) there is also a monetary crisis going on. And that monetary crisis has an effect on so many of you. Does the crisis mean you don’t have enough, and therefore things are not good? Not necessarily. Does it mean you have plenty, and that’s not the issue? You don’t have money issues. Not necessarily. It’s not how much you do or don’t have, please remember this, it becomes a point of suffering, difficulty, when what it means to you isn’t working for you.

Now in everything that you experience in your life, it’s not the stuff; it’s what the stuff means. Remember that. Whether it’s money, a relationship, anything, it’s what it means for you. With the exception of air to breathe, food to fill you—I did not necessarily say, satisfy you; I said fill you—the basic things that you’re needing in order to have the survival mechanisms appeased—and I’ve got to be careful with that one, because some of you have for a survival mechanism something like room service. Aye, look who’s laughing. But for the biological aspect of your being to continue, that’s what you need. The rest of it is what you want. And just as a reminder, to touch back on where we were the last time we spoke in this sort of situation, it’s what you want to fill that space, that connection. But what you want is based on what that thing means to you. And that’s the key.

When money means to you a system of exchange only, then in all likelihood you’re working with it in a very balanced way. In the American population that would account for, maybe, two percent. Maybe. Because you grow up with value based on societal expectations for almost everything you work with, everything you do. Is it acceptable to this person, that person? Learning to please. And your value upon yourself becomes based upon your ability, therefore, to please, beginning where?

With parents.

S: With your parents. Sure. Right off. You learn right off that you make them happy, you get to be happy. Right. And you learn to get better and better and better at it all through your life or else what happens? If you don’t get better at pleasing them, what happens?

You get cut off.

S: […] they might cut you off. Sure. But maybe it’s simply more like, you don’t get to do so much of what you want to do, because they don’t trust you. Now this is an important connection I’m hoping for you to make, and I want you to realize that ultimately I’m talking about money here. Why would they not trust you? Because you don’t know how to please them? Why would that be?

Your decision-making could be off.

S: Well, they might consider that your decision-making is off. Sure. Do you think it’s a conscious thing? Because you do it, too. Do you think it’s a conscious thing that when you’re around somebody who makes you happy, you can trust them, but if they do not make you happy, you tend not to trust them. Is it conscious?

No.

S: And yet you do it. “Oh, I met somebody today. I absolutely had no chemistry with them. Did not like them. Boy, I’m looking forward to getting to know them better.” “I went to the bank in order to find out if this was the place where I could deposit my funds, this inheritance that I received for coming to earth this time around …” Ultimately that’s what they are, aren’t they? “… and I walked right in, sat right down at the desk, with the most unpleasant person, and I can’t wait to give him my money.” “I’m going to purchase a car. It’s going to be a long-time investment. It’s something that I really need. I want to make sure that they can service this vehicle, and that I’ll have a good working relationship with them. And I had the opportunity to meet the worst sort of person. Really, never could talk to me. Had no idea how to communicate.” Well now, is this the way it works? At least not when your conscious of it, anyway. Of course not.

And very early on you made that connection, that the more you’re able to please, then the more there is a trust that allows for a continued relationship. And because the relationship is valuable to you, you did that cute human trick—sounds a lot better than stupid human trick, don’t you think?—in which you translated that to say, What I do is what is valued. If I can please another, I will be valued, instead of recognizing that it’s a trust that allows the relationship. When you want the relationship, you value that, but you mistake the process for what you’re truly wanting. And the process starts to get twisted.

Every time in your life you are faced with any sort of process, be it the multiplication tables and learning them, be it communication with other on an intimate or on a non-intimate level, be it making friends, be it how to manage the people that work with you, every time you have a process, you have a choice. You accept the choice or reject the choice ninety-nine point ninety-nine percent of the time that it floats, so much based on whether or not you believe you will succeed in the yes-or-no category. I can make it work; therefore I do it. I’ve done something like this before; therefore I’ll give it a try. I will do this technology, because I’m familiar with it. I will not do it, because I have not succeeded in the past when I’ve done it.

That adds to that twisting that happens. The process, which is so much a part of every experience, becomes resisted when you fear that you will not succeed at it. The resistance when it is to something that you believe is needful in your life, and yet you fear that you will not succeed and that you must do it—convoluted, I understand, but are you with me here? Do you understand where I’m going? No, Samuel, I have no idea where you’re going, but I understand where you’re at right now. Tell the truth.—it becomes twisted and twisted in that process as you fear failure in something that you know you must go for. You’re at an age where you no longer desire to … fill in the blank here. You’re at a point in your life where it’s not your desire to … fill in the blank here. But you must. Do you have a task at your work that you do not enjoy, but you’ve got to do it? Is there something that you do in a relationship that if you had your druthers, you’d rather not do it? But you do, because it allows that relationship to continue, which is important to you. So you learn that you must do things which you resist in order to have what you want. You learn that you will live through that, and so you learn that that becomes acceptable. And yet, in so doing, you come to value less and less that “in” thing that you want. As you become more and more adept at separating yourself from the guilt, the anger, the embarrassment that comes from taking part in a process you don’t want to be a part of. Still with me? Where does it fit with money?

What you do to earn it.

S: Very good. In there. Sure. Very good. In there. One of the ways that it has to do with money, has to do with issues of what you do to earn it. I cannot tell you how many individuals I speak with who say to me, who say to me, like I don’t know them any better than this, “Samiel, I’ve got three more years before I can retire, and once I retire I am going to start my own work and serve the world in a very big way.” Have you fooled yourself so much, you’re willing to think that’s true? That once you are without the excuse of this nine-to-five grind that you’ve got going, that you’re going to start doing something full time that you’re not even doing part of the time now? Why ever?

Sure, that’s a piece, but the connection that I’m making with money has to do with that value stuff, and how you earn it might be a part of it for you. And how you spend it might be a part of it for you. How it uses you and how you use it might be a part of it for you.

And the way that I’m going has to do with, this is the time of year in which new growth is happening. It’s the time to garden, and plant seeds and let something new come up in your life. And that can be attitudes, and ways of living, and brand new starts—in your heart, for instance, as well as your backyard garden.

Because money is one of those things that’s one of the greatest excuses that there is for not doing what really doesn’t take money to do, because money issues tend to be the first thing that individuals who are awake on the path are aware of. It’s a marvelous means to learn all manner of things, to have all manner of experiences come to you, to have, hopefully, all manner of wisdom come to you. And so for an individual starting on a spiritual path, almost always—remember in your own experience, if you can—were not money issues rearing up their ugly heads often? But it’s also very often the last set of experiences and wisdoms. Now, that’s not saying that if you’re a highly energized being, working at a very high frequency, and you’re experiencing money issues it means next week you’re not going to be around. That’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying that as you’re working at a plateau in an arena that’s an expression of the last times, the last lessons of this experience, whether it takes two months or thirty years or more to experience them, also for those beings who are working at the highest of levels, it also shows up again. Why? Different from the beginning, but still many of the same issues. Why?

It’s a spiral.

S: Yes. That’s true.

Another perspective.

S: Another perspective. Aye.

Because it deals with some very fundamental issues, like trust, and that is a spiritual lesson. Not just trust in the world around you, but trusting in you as an example of Source itself.

S: There are few things that can be a better test at the end of the quarter, because it covers so many things. Anybody ever had a personal relationship that broke up because of money? How about a working relationship that stopped because of money—because you were making way too much, of course? Did you ever learn more about you because of money? Did you ever learn something about someone else because of money? Did you ever learn anything spiritual because of money?

About God […]

S: It covers so many areas, and it is so easy to be an abused technology, because money has the same role—I’m about to make an outrageous statement here, so put your seat belts on now—money has the same role in your life as an adult that your parents did in your life as a child. It tells you what to do. It tells you how good you are at doing what you do. It tells you what you need to keep doing, doesn’t it? And probably even more than that. Why does it do that? Because in this society it is an exchange that the concept of money is not an exchange for a good, a piece of goods, a stuff. What would be the word here?

A commodity.

S: For a commodity. Thank you. The concept of money is an exchange for value. The value of a thing.

That’s subjective.

S: Of course. It is subjective. But the value of a thing means that money represents what you find valuable. You have enough to have what you want, because it’s valuable to you. You do not have enough, because there are things that are valuable to you that you do not, cannot, have. And the issues surrounding what is valuable to you, the value issues, end up being the fulcrum that tilts the teeter-totter—is this right, for the mechanically inept here?—by which you have and don’t have.

Very quick aside: Guilt is a response to what?

Anger.

S: Anger can create guilt, and guilt can create anger. Yes, anger is in there.

Expectations.

Not meeting your expectations.

S: Expectations. Not being met expectations, but ultimately expectations. What is guilt?

Anger towards yourself.

Judgment.

S: It’s a judgment. Again.

Anger turned towards yourself.

S: It’s anger turned towards yourself. Yes.

Since the day you taught me that, I’ve never been guilty.

S: […] Anger is based upon expectation. Anger is a means of separating. Guilt creates more anger. It creates a need to sustain that which you are separated from, which you are angry at.

All right. Money creates an opportunity for you to receive something you value. If you do not have the money to receive what you value, there is going to be a response. The response could be, “Oh well, maybe next time.” What does it tend to be? Quick. Just a few moments ago I said, the response to money as an adult is very much the response to a child to the parents. Aye. So perhaps you can answer that question more easily if you think, how is it for the four-year-old being told, “You cannot have that.” Tantrum. Very often that is the case for the adult as well. I can’t have it! So what must be done? A separation must be made, and that thing, that person, that activity must be made wrong. Well, I don’t want it. It’s not good enough. It’s not enough. Or the other choice. I do want it. I can’t have it. I’m not good enough. I’m not enough.

The misuse of monetary funds in your life is always—got your seat belts on?—the result of your anger at a world that does not value what you value, which you have learned to turn inward to mean that you are not valuable. And your functions with money are a response to that.

I work much harder than you can imagine to not give you empirical statements like that, to keep things open and not create a smug little truth that you can tattoo on your arm, and never have to do anything in the world, just say [holds arm up]. That’s your heart on a sleeve, you know. But there you go. That is one.

How you value you, and your reaction to your beliefs about what you believe others value about you. What they value that you either do or do not value, and for security needs must agree or not agree with. And if you don’t agree with what everyone else says is such a good thing, then you’ve got to make them wrong and you right, or you’ve got to be wrong. And there we’ve got more anger there.

It’s outstandingly obvious here, probably, that this is how people can also emotionally manipulate you.

S: Because you start shifting your values to fit what you believe will make it work. Yes. Just like the child that shifted values in order to be trusted by parents to get what they wanted.

You learn that, if you are around people who value stuff, if you can provide that stuff, you’re valuable to them. You don’t value you.

If you surround yourself with people who don’t value money, it has no use in their life—and you laugh, you’ve known people like that, right?

I’ve lived like that.

S: And can be so very proud about not buying in to that one. And will resist it. You will also find very, very often a quickly and sadly crumbling self-esteem attached to that. Hand in hand. Lovers more than any other relationship. The intensity of their resistance is absolutely parallel to the inability to create a working bond with others in the world. It’s value, that’s why. It’s an issue of anger.

I think oftentimes it’s anger at what other people value.

S: Absolutely. Absolutely. At what they value compared to what you value.

But what it comes to is the value of human life over all, and the products in the industries that are …

S: And that will be in there as well at a higher level. But very often, on a day-to-day function, it’s they don’t value what you value, they don’t value you. That connection right there. The same twist that happened in childhood is the same twist that happens in adulthood. And you spend your time learning to fit in or trying very hard not to, both of which have the same effect. And it’s anger. It’s anger.

And it’s only by learning to function through that anger, to understand and start new, which is why you have gifts tonight. Now, what is this.

A penny.

S: It’s a penny.

The Universe shows me pennies whenever I start to feel poverty- stricken. I find pennies.

S: In your society this is the foundation of your money. Right? It’s the beginning. And that’s what I’m giving you. A seed for your garden.

It says “In God We Trust” on them. You know, on the picture of the penny. In God We Trust.

And there’s a picture of Lincoln.

S: There are those of you in here who have no idea how much value you don’t have for you. The issues of trust, of guilt, of separation—which is also denial; denial can pass for the same thing—that work into money stuff, and the suffering that has come into your life because of it.

Anger is not an incurable condition. Anger is a response to a feeling of separation. Separation creates the guilt, and the guilt creates more anger. I encourage you to recognize within your own life the foundation of your value issues.

Now at the retreat we’re going to spend several hours, probably, talking very specifically about those issues, but you can have a head start. Or even without the retreat, you can already have an understanding that’ll work and help turn things around.

You’re angry at you for not being enough to take care of what will help you survive in this world. You’re angry at yourself for making decisions that perpetuate the process that’s based on value that you don’t agree with. You have a deeply embarrassed sense of self worth, because you don’t have what this world says is needed to function, and it devalues you and therefore you must resist, and become adamant about it. And the resistance builds a hardness about you. You equate what you have with who you are. You equate your worthiness in the eyes of others with what you have. And it’s time to change it.

[Referring to pennies] They’re not new. Well, maybe some are, there’s a lot here. I wanted just very common ones. Nothing special. Common pennies, that you might remember that that’s what builds the dollars. The little things. The little beliefs. The little valuations that you put on yourself every day. What is it you’re building with your values?

Look at your anger. Anger is expressed in very many ways. It’s not always the temper tantrum. Sometimes it’s the secrets, isn’t it? Sometimes it’s physical pain from walling up and hiding. Sometimes anger expresses itself through caustic behavior: “Just joking, of course.” But anger always causes suffering. Always. Even the self-righteous, spiritual kind. So if you’re wondering where the anger is in your life that I can guarantee has touched money in your life, and your money issues, look at those arenas in which you are aware of suffering, and see if you cannot trace it through.

It’s time to begin anew. It’s time to let go of the old and start fresh.

Matthew, love, would you come here and serve? Would you give one of these to everyone you can until they run out? Thank you, dear.

Frank. Would you give one of those to everyone you can until they run out?

Yes.

S: David. Would you give one of these to everyone you can until they run out? Here, love, have a few more.

I’m not talking to you tonight about giving it away, expressing it as god or goddess, of anything other than that you suffer in this world due to a valuation issue. Money is directly related. It creates anger, and anger creates more suffering. It’s time to plant new seeds. Who needs another penny? No, darling, I said for you to give them out until they’re gone. You have days ahead of you. You don’t have to give them all here unless you just want to. So put it somewhere where you’ll see it. Ah, and Paul, you need one.

Always.

S: You’re penniless. We will talk about this, don’t you know.

Samuel, I experienced a money healing today. When I was growing up, we went to a huge Presbyterian church, and we were the poorest family in the congregation in about five hundred families. They were all upper middle class except for us. And for years I went to Sunday school with all these kids that did things like go on ski trips on the weekend and things like that I could never do. And I always felt terrible, because it was, of course, a reflection on my value.

S: You weren’t as good as they somehow.

Absolutely not. Today I went to church with my parents, and I ran into one of those kids, and I hadn’t seen him in twenty-three years. And there was no issue left at all. I was glad to see him. I said, “Hello, David. Do you remember me?” And he did. And there just wasn’t any issue there. And I realize, thinking about it, that he never did or said anything—most of them didn’t—to make me feel inferior. It was me that had that reaction.

S: Aye.

So that was a healing thing for me to recognize that the issue was gone.

S: Aye. You become powerless when it comes to money. You lose your ability to fly freely in the world. You become powerless when the guilt, the separation, the anger, the sense of betrayal, abandonment and loss that all get attached to that value and that money have not been worked through. You cannot pay enough for what you are truly valued at. You are without price, and as you come to truly learn that, you’ll stop trying to buy and earn the approval of this world.

There it is. Glochanumora.