October 9, 2011

Samuel: Hello, dears.

Hello, Samuel.

S: So how are you?

Great, good.

S: “Great, good.” Good, great. Does that speak for everybody?

This is October and do you know what October is about?

Heidi’s birthday?

S: Well, yes, actually . . .

It’s a national holiday.

S:  . . . because she chose to come into this world on a very big day. What day is that?


S: That’s right. And what is that about?

It’s the ending of the old year and the beginning of the new for the Celtic calendar.

S: It is the end of the old year and the beginning of the new in the Celtic calendar, that’s right.

(To Janet) Now tell me you’ll never do that [injury to yourself] again.

I swear.

S: All right. If the two of you, and Angela might be more helpful, if you don’t mind, at least for a little bit, sitting right in back of her so we can triangulate this; turn on your healing energies and just surround her with it. “Heal.” It’s not very often I can point to a woman’s boobs and say heal. I should give that to Lisa too, hey?

Samhain, which is in some of the older calendars, the Celtic New Year. Now—all right, I’m not really Celtic; it’s just a good, easy persona to use—why do I push the Celtic calendar onto you?

Because they were pretty attuned with the earth and the seasons of the earth and the winding-down of energy and so they had a good rhythm with that.

S: Good, two for two: very connected to the earth and right now you also need to be very connected to the earth. But not necessarily in alignment with the ancient earth holidays, although I do agree with that, you should be. But that’s not where I’m going at this moment. I mean the earth needs you, particularly right now. Those of you that have been working on the second grid, sending energy to that second grid out of the atmosphere, I need you to be strengthening that again, all right? Just sort of make it rubber, aye . . . boom  . . .

That sounds very . . .

S: Right. You perhaps are not noticing it, although I think that it’s a little more realistic to say that you are, but perhaps not consciously; that you have pretty much been in the process of being bombarded by energy quite beyond anything that your planet has been experiencing for eons. And it’s starting to get to the point now that it’s beginning to create a little chaos within the kingdoms of earth and the human kingdom, which you may have noticed a little more of work on sending energy to that. Strengthen that outer, protective layer of the planet and affirm in your thoughts, as often as you can, that the only thing that touches you, the only thing that touches this world, is that which is for the very highest good of all, yes? Just settle things down a little.

Now to go back to the earth holiday, aye. Samhain is a New Year celebration, so what does that mean? It’s not a hard question.

It’s the old, new beginning.

S: Say it again, Bonnie.

It’s the end of the old and the beginning of a new.

S: Precisely. It is the end of the old, and that’s what I wanted to talk to you about somewhat tonight. Over the last few months I’ve talked to you quite a bit about renewal in one way or another, spoken with you about releasing what is no longer needed in your life, focusing on those things that are easy and good and having to do with your purpose. But one of the things that I’ve been seeing come up around that is that many Guardians are having issues show up, issues—is that a nice way to say that?—usually because you’ve not fully released, so that you’re still holding on to something that was a negative experience in one way or another, or because you’ve not—I’m going to use a phrase and I’ll explain it a little more in a bit—because it has connotations I’m not really going for. But the second reason is because you’ve not made amends or fully completed something that you believed that you had released.

With this new year coming about, I think it’s a really good month for using some of the chaotic energy in the world right now and changing it to creation energy and recreate your past. “Excuse me a minute, Samuel. Surely you don’t mean that. You don’t mean recreate. Don’t you mean let go of it? Don’t you mean put it aside and not have to deal?” No, I mean recreate, because how old are you?

Old . . .

S: That’s a matter of opinion dear. That’s how many years? That’s how many years you have had to fixate on you, right now, being the sum part of your past. That’s how many years you’ve been working on enjoying all of the things that you have been and done, and really not enjoying some of them, but allowing yourself to be more formed by what you did not enjoy than by what you did.

I’ve been thinking about that actually because of the third meditation. I’m surprised at how many negative experiences or painful experiences that my mind has been throwing at me. But with so many of them, most of them, it’s so easy to see why, “Wow, if that hadn’t happened I would not be here.”

S: Good for you.

Is that what you’re talking about in terms of re-creating or something else?

S: Well actually I’m going in another direction, but it incorporates that. The very first step that you need to do when you are looking at a negative experience in your life is to look and see what you’ve gained from it, because when you reach that point where you are aware of what you have gained from this experience, you’re already more than half way through of letting go of it, re-creating it.

So take something simple. Frank, what was it that Woo Hoo did to you?

He ran into my calf with his knee, with his leg somehow, when my calf was extended . . .

S: Moo?


S: Leg.


S: All right.

Not my baby cow. Not that many of those running around.

S: All right, so that was an unpleasant experience, right?


S: I want you to look at something just that simple, just something unpleasant. I’m going to come back to you on this, Frank, so you better start thinking quickly. And as you’re thinking of that unpleasant thing, I want you to think, “What did I gain from it?” Now I want to give you a hint; with everything in your life, every experience you have had, the highest delight and the lowest pain, with every experience you have had, you have gained from it. The trick is, did you gain strength, confidence, become a more loving vessel of Source in this world, or did you gain martyrdom, victimization, pain? You gained from it. If what you are holding onto out of that negative experience is the pain, the suffering, the victimization, the hardship, the whatever, if that’s what you’re holding on to, I promise you, you have had multiple versions of that experience show up, not just one horrible car crash. Sometimes it’s the dog runs into you, knocks you over, causes you severe pain. Small or large, you are re-experiencing it, and the reason is because the Universe doesn’t want you holding on to negative experience. It’s when you’re able to turn it around and gain from it that it stops hitting you over the head.

So, Frank, what did you gain other than a bruise?

I gained a couple things. One is, of course to be much more aware of where Hapi is when he . . .

S: Oh was it Hapi dog?

I’m sorry, it was Woo. . . . where he is when I’m going to be opening the door when he’s excited about going out, or because he got real excited and he was getting ready to run outside and I moved in a way that he ran into my leg, so I was unaware. It reminded me to be more aware. And to me, it’s always when I get hurt in simple ways like that, that are painful but not damaging, it always reminds me of all the blessings I have, the areas of my body that aren’t hurting, and how well my body works ninety-nine point nine percent of the time.

S: Good, good, good.

Would you like another example, or is that going to be enough for you?

S: Well, actually what I was going to ask for is for you to tell me other things that could have come out of something that simple and a little odd. Anybody?

All right, Suzanne.

Well, let’s see if I’m going too far afield. When I sprained my ankle, which I think is a similar kind of thing like that, this was many, many years ago, I gained a lot from that. I gained the gratitude that I had friends who made me, who took me to the emergency room to get it X-rayed. I was grate . . .

S: Kicking and screaming.

Well, “It’s nothing. It’s nothing.” And then when I had to be on crutches for a weekend or something like that and I went back to work and I was single and I was going around on crutches and I was so . . . What I got from that experience was pretty profound for me, because I realized how slowly I had to go. I had to slow my life down by about twice as much. So I was grateful for the health and the speed that I usually have, but I got a great understanding of people who are in that condition more often than I am. And so it made me see things. And I realized this at the time, and I realized this at the time. It made me see things at their pace.

S: Lovely, very lovely. That’s a good one. Any more with that?

Early in our experience with dogs, when Sheryl and I started with Dobermans, almost thirty years ago, and the Doberman would beat us to the door, similar to what Frank’s experiencing, we realized that if we didn’t make some changes we were going to be in for knee surgery because they’re right at that level. So it got us completely involved in dog obedience training and a whole new world of understanding how the dogs operate, how they think and what we needed to do to adjust our activities to work with the dogs.

S: Nice.

The result was we just fell in love with Dobermans and had them for a long, long time.

S: Aye, and by learning how to work with them you gained a whole new area of your life as well.


S: Which is a very nice part of that. There is, even from the little things, very large doors that can open up if you look at the positive. On the other hand, I want you now to take Frank’s run-in with the dog and take it to the negative. What if he was not choosing to gain from it, but instead just focused on how much it hurt? What are the kinds of things that could come out of that, Paula?

He could be very angry at the dog and not realize that dogs are dogs.

S: Very true, and if you want to take that even further, let it just convince him that it’s awful to have dogs around and get rid of dogs, and of course, the Form would divorce him. It would change life in huge ways. Steven.

It could become further evidence that you’re not good enough, that you’re clumsy, stupid.

S: That’s right.

And here’s another example: “I’m just such a klutz.”

S: Another example of how I am unworthy and no good. That’s right, very good. More, aye.

If you were a particularly mean-spirited person, you might even be cruel to the dog . . .

S: That’s right.

. . . and blame the dog for what happened.

S: True, and you know what happens to people who are cruel to animals, don’t you?

They go to hell, the animal, and don’t see their part in it. Then they will punish the animal that is innocent. You see it a lot with all different kinds of animals.

S: That’s right. Somebody who takes out their anger on a creature is doing it because they’re willing to pick on that which they are bigger than, that they can silence and have power over. And what happens is they learn that they can try that to anything or body that has the capability of being overpowered. You learn that pain is gain. You learn that bullying and overpowering another, or maybe simply manipulation, works, and if somebody is crushed in the meantime, well, too bad.

Just going back a step away from the creatures to another situation: I’m thinking of is holding onto things and not wanting to change, wallowing in whatever it is that caused you to be miserable and unhappy and just . . .

S: So that you can stay miserable and unhappy.

. . . just not wanting to make the effort to change, you just get into it.

S: And who knows what that’s a sign of?


S: It’s a sign of not having a life, having no passion in your life, because the only passion that you have is when you are angry and upset, and so you end up creating or enlarging situations in which you are going to feel that anger, feel that upset. And you would be amazed how many people in this room hold onto emotional responses—not always negative ones but emotional overflows—because they feel that way. And that’s dangerous, absolutely dangerous.

Now, I will say that in this room it’s not so much the holding onto upsets and anger, but there is some of that. And that leads me into the next area.

But before I go there, there were a couple of hands up. Steven.

You could use the hurt calf for sympathy-seeking . . .

S: Yes, very good.

. . . so when other people tell you what’s wrong with their bodies you could jump in and talk about your calf injury. And you could talk about it well beyond the healing, because any time somebody talks about their dog you’re going to talk about the calf injury.

S: That’s right, and what is that a sign of?



S: Yes, self-absorption, egocentricity. And here is the thing about that: you are taught to do that as a means of having something in common, without realizing that what you’re seeking to have in common with another person—“Oh yes, I experience that too.”—is something painful and negative that does not need to be amplified and you do not need to remind yourself of it. Come up with something different than a sharing of pain and suffering. “Oh, I know how much you’re going through because I’m sympathetic.” Stop it. You’re just amplifying the negative by doing that.

The other side of that ego-centered version of it is when somebody always turns the conversation to their own stuff: “I went shopping today and . . . ” “I’ve been shopping. I love to shop. Let me tell you about my favorite shops.” All right, maybe not quite like that but you get the idea there. So you say, “Good, I’m really glad. I wasn’t actually going to talk about shopping; I was going to talk about the food I prepared after I went . . .” “Food, I like to eat. I ate just a few hours ago. Do you know what I ate?”

And you can just be really awful and say, “Wait a minute, I was talking about me.”

Oh, that’s good.

S: That’s the way to handle that. Is that what you’re saying, Bonnie?


S: Bonnie says in that situation you just stop them and say, “Excuse me, I was talking about me, not you.” I notice there’s nobody sitting around Bonnie.

I’m her only cohort.

It wasn’t an accident.

It’s just my energy so . . .

S: That’s what it is, it’s so big; yes, aye. I’m just playing with you, love, just playing with you. It’s true though that that’s a very easy habit to fall into as well; those conversations in which, “I went to the store.” “Oh, I’ve been to the store.” “Well, I wasn’t going to talk about the store.” “Well, I’ve done that too, well, well, well.” And even if you say, “This was supposed to be about me.”

“I want to talk about me, too.”

S: That’s probably the response you’d get.

I would also tell you something, just a little aside for a moment. The truth of it is there’s not a one of you in here, including Bonnie, who would say that.

You’re wrong . . .

True confessions.

. . . only because I was explaining the process that you’ve taught us about not doing that, and in our family we’ve talked about it. It’s such an easy thing to do. You say, “Oh, your foot hurts? Mine does too.” And so when we do that I say, “Wait just a minute, we’re talking about me right now.” I’ve done that.

S: Using it as the explanation with regard to, “We’ve discussed this habit and now this is the reminder.” So as a cue, I’ll make it all right.


S: Almost all of you would never do that. There might be one who would, but for a purpose, and I’m so proud of that. Because the thing about Guardians is that what you do happens in the world. It goes into mass consciousness so quickly, and you’re seeing that. You’re seeing how quickly that happens. And because you wouldn’t say that, you’re helping, in your own way, the world to get one more example of a good way to handle a conversation. And that is so important.

Two things in this world—and really they boil down to one—are the means by which you serve in this world: that’s through relationships and through communication. Well, communication happens in relationships, so you could say it all boils down to communication. And it’s very easy to forget, as so many of you see so often, how poorly this world communicates. Well, you know it’s because it takes constant attention and it’s very, very easy, particularly with those you love the most; very, very easy to think you don’t have to try, that they should know better. They get you. They know where you’re coming from. They bleed like you do. It takes consciousness for good communication, and in your world you tend to be the ones who lead with love and good skill, skills for communicating. Well, it’s quite a gift, a gift you give and a gift you are.

And now I’ll move this back to where I was going.

What you focus on, what stays in your mind, what you think about the most, is what builds you. And if, out of your past what you focus on are the painful, difficult, maddening, frustrating experiences, you are, first, going to draw more of them to you and, second, you are going to made of—made by, perhaps—those experiences instead of those that are made of love and joy, delight, pleasure, doing what you’re here to do, being what you’re here to be.
So what can you do to change that?

Change yourself.

S: Lillibeth.

You have to listen to your mind. You have to listen to the thoughts that are going on in your mind and . . .

S: That’s right.

. . . and how you communicate with yourself.

S: Consciousness, you’ve got to pay attention, as Lillibeth said, to what’s going on in your mind. Listen to yourself, pay attention. You do talk to yourself; I’ll just get it out front right there. Listen to what you say, especially when the dog rushes out the door and smacks you in the leg and causes you pain.

How do you respond to unpleasant situations? Do you have a vocabulary just meant for that kind of experience . . .

Sort of.

S: . . . your own language for it there.

Revolting words.

S: Exactly. That tells you how important it is to you, how you’re wanting to be really exclamatory with it, really force attention and energy to it. Because when you are surprised or when you are hurt you lose control over your regular speech pattern and out pop these things that you don’t usually use. Too much attention on that which is negative.


An example of that: I’ve been reading a lot about neuropsychology for my work, and one of the things that has stuck with me is what fires together wires together and then survives together. Because if you continuously put that out, it wires together, and every time it goes from you to another person it gets reinforced back . . .

S: That’s right.

. . . and survives and builds and builds and builds.

S: Lovely, tell me that phrase again, what . . .

What fires together wires together, then survives together.

S: And this is talking about neuro-programming.


S: What fires together, meaning the synapse, yes. So you’ve got a situation with negative responses to it, adrenal rush, language response. Firing together wires together, so that any time you get smacked in the leg you bring back that whole physical and mental response. And survives together, becomes you.

Right. And so what we do as clinicians is try to stay in that. Instead of being that sympathetic nervous system or that parasympathetic, that fight-or-flight-or-freeze, we try to be in the middle ground—we call it the tolerance window—where you are really calm, so you are able to mirror something back on that same pathway . . .

S: Nice.

. . . that is positive. If the person’s tolerance window is also open, then you have an opportunity for a real shift, a real change.

S: And if that tolerance window isn’t open, you bring out the tire jack—what is that thing?—crow bar?

What usually happens if somebody is highly anxious and they come in very anxious and the clinical person matches that, then no work gets done. But the person decides in the first second and a half whether you’re safe or unsafe. And through your breathing and your tone of voice and your ability to communicate that calm, safe space, then their window widens so that you can actually communicate on that neural level with the person.

S: Lovely, lovely. What she said. That’s very good, very good. I will warn you, however, that you’ve got to practice that calm space, because it can look sort of withdrawn, cold and dead. You want living, breathing, loving, open in here. And that’s just as true in a clinical setting as it is in the grocery store with somebody watching you buy produce, really.

You have these negative spaces of life in you that have helped make you who you are today, which is sort of stand-offish, a little wall around your heart, protecting yourself, a defensive, that is keeping you safe so that you don’t have to experience anything like that ever again, so that you don’t step forward and try. You have these little spaces inside of you in which you have convinced yourself, “I’m not good at this. I’m stupid at this. Everybody can see that I’m stupid at this. I need to avoid it at all costs.” So you have these parts that you’ve quit trying with. I’m talking to Guardians and saying this. What do you think it’s like out in the world? That’s why there are so many therapists in here, because they see that.

How do you let it go? If I were to ask you, not what is the smallest irritation that happened, but instead were to ask you what is the largest heart break or painful memory or big dark hole that has come about in your life; the first thing that I want to let you all know is that it’s very normal that all of you have a memory like that. It’s very sad when you have a lot of memories like that, and there are a couple of you in here who do, and I’m very, very sorry about that. I just want you to think back on one, and hopefully, over the time of your consciousness and learning to work with love, it’s not a defining moment for you any longer, but at one time it was and it could still be. How do you let go of something like that? How do you release it? How does it get to be finished? That’s actually rhetorical. This is where the part that I said, “I don’t really like the phrase but I’ll go with it”—making amends—comes in. And there are two ways to do that: one of them is if you have brought harm to another person and that’s just eating on you, you may need to do it actually verbally or through an act of one kind of another. Let me say this: please, please, if you have harmed somebody and they don’t know it, please don’t feel the need to make amends directly to them. Do an act of kindness anonymously, but don’t say, “I’m so sorry that I broke up your marriage.”

I didn’t notice. Is that what happened?

S: I didn’t know it at the time. No, you cannot say that.

The nature of life is you give and you receive, and that is an ingrained pattern, so that you come to accept as a part of that ancient brain, that when you have done something there must be payment for it. A lot of children grew up with physical punishment; actually, I was going to say “some,” but a lot of you did. And so you came to know that “if I do this, pain is going to happen.” Maybe this is as Jeanean was saying, the fired-wired-survives kind of thing. “If I do this—I lie to my parents—I’m going to get spanked.” Doesn’t “spanked” sound nice compared to “I’m going to hit you”? And you are taught that what you must do is say, “I’m sorry for doing this,” not because those words have magic, but because recognizing what you did changes things, literally and figuratively. It’s why, when I have taught what a proper apology is, it’s why I say “I apologize for that” is nothing. There is no apology in that. There is no change that happens because of it. To be sorry—I’m going to use the word in the magical sense—is to say, “I am sorry that I did this.” Now, right there, two very important things have happened. Anybody . . .

Yes, you’ve acknowledged that you have done something that could be harmful and that you are aware of what you did.

S: Good, you’re claiming, you are recognizing that you did something that you regret, something that was hurtful in some way. “I am sorry because I did this. I’m sorry because I opened the door and wasn’t paying attention and the dog ran out. I’m sorry because I wasn’t paying attention.” “All right, I am sorry because I did this.” But it continues. If you cannot say, “I will not do it again,” at least say, “I will work to be more conscious about that so that hopefully it will not happen again.” Sometimes you can’t say, “I’ll never do that again,” because you will. But you can say, “I’m going to work at this.” And then, here comes the kicker. Here comes the healing. Here comes the piece that even Guardians tend to leave out that throws things off, and that is, “What can I do to make it right? What can I do to make it right?” That’s what amends are about. “Well, you can just not do that anymore.” “I’ll do my best.” “You can get my car fixed.” Well, then you start negotiating. “You can let me know you love me and be more there.” That’s an apology and that changes things because you’re taking responsibility. You know what you are taking responsibility for. You are specifically saying that you’re working to make a change and you are seeking the way to make it right. And do you know how hard it is to do that? It must be very hard because those amends, that making it right, seems to be one of the forgotten issues on this whole planet, even to the point that one country has damaged another and it’s not about admitting what did not work, recognizing personal responsibility, looking for a way to make it right; it’s, “I can yell louder than you, so I don’t have to do that.” And even you have a version of that, and that needs to stop.

So you’ve thought back on a really hurtful situation in your past life—we’ll call it that: your past, the life of your past, your past life—and, I need to ask you, is there something you need to do to make it right? And for a Guardian there’s two ways of looking at that. I alluded to this a moment ago. One of those ways is directly and the other is indirectly. There is more power in directly, but when directly is going to create more problems, do it indirectly. And I’d like to make a suggestion with that; do an anonymous act of kindness for that person and really work on the anonymity part.

The reason is because you need an action, a creative act. That’s why the “What can I do?” is so necessary. “How can I do it?” Even if it’s just words, putting it out there is so needed because it activates the creation principle and allows the starting over, the re-creation to happen. Action creates more action. So by your willingness to do whatever is needed to make it right, you’re able to let go and become fresh. It is so powerful. Do not misuse it because, as is the case with anything of power, it can be misused. You will find when you start using this system of change that it can make you sort of high. You like how you feel. And how is it you could misuse it? By damaging somebody else in your need to make it all right. Please be wise, but that does not mean do not recognize it yourself.

A quick reminder: sometimes what you are looking at is something that doesn’t involve someone else. It’s all you, and you know it’s all you. How do you make amends to yourself? I promise you, that same apology works, and I’m going to ask you to do something sort of weird . . . surely not! Look at yourself in the mirror and say it out loud. Don’t just say, “Darn,” all right? Say the words out loud. Let your brain hear it. And what can you do to make amends. “How can I make it right?” Well, you might surprise yourself by some of the things you come up with. If any of them involve sackcloth and ashes, ignore it, all right? Fasting for two or three weeks? Ignore it. Cat-of-nine, don’t listen.

Ice cream?

S: Ice cream, that might be good, that’s right. What can you do to make amends to yourself, I’m asking?

Well, if you haven’t taken good care of yourself, you might commit to exercising or eating better or step by step a thing you can do.

S: That’s right, that’s right.

If you’ve been overworking and are out of balance, do something out of the ordinary like take two full days off and a weekend and don’t work.

S: Are you listening to that now, Mike?

I did it this weekend. It’s amazing.

S: It felt weird, didn’t it?

It did. It’s amazing.

S: Good for you. Keep making those good changes, that’s good. More.

I remind myself that the person I was at that time was different than who I am now . . .

S: Good, good.

. . . and so much of it at that time made sense, maybe through justification, maybe through blind spots, maybe just through being where I was at the time. And where I am now, it’s so easy to look back and be judgmental, but that’s only because I’m not who I was then. So, giving myself some grace points, so to speak, some degrees of freedom, some lead way for having a human experience and knowing that there’s a developmental curve to my transformation.

S: And we’re not talking a justification, for those of you who are getting excited about that one, and we’re not talking about making excuses. It’s exactly that, when you can look back and realize you’re wiser now, you know better, pat yourself on the back. Recognize where you are now; claim that space. But that’s not quite amends. It’s an important recognition, but you’re not necessarily making it right. How could you take that a step further to make it right, anybody?

This is certainly one part of the process where I go back to the person I was and forgive the choices that I made and extend my unconditional love and . . .

S: Yes.

. . . release that into wholeness.

S: Forgive, forgive and release. Now of course that might be a part of that process when you’re telling yourself you did not know then what you know now, but that’s right there, right on first time. Aye.


You have a chance to say that I’m not going to do that anymore and recognize your current patterns and  . . .

S: Good.

. . . recognize your patterns in this area.

S: Yes, very good, very good. If you could do anything to make you and your world better this week—because I’m seeing you next week—I encourage you, start taking a look at your life and changing your past. Let go, make amends. Do not hold on to the negativity in your life. Do not hold on to those times of pain and suffering, and where they are caused by you, apologize the right way. And when they are caused to you, apologize, the right way and forgive.

“Samuel, if I forgive, do I have to forget? Because this person is still in my life and they’re still always trying to take advantage of me. And I need to remember how I’ve fallen for it before.” No you don’t, because who you are right now is wiser, and when that situation comes to you again, handle it in this moment, with the wisdom that you have in this moment. You don’t have to hold on to the past in order to succeed in your present. Living in your present is the gift you give to yourself—something like that, all right. Living in your present is where the power is, as I’ve told you before.

Try that just once this week. Tell me how it went when we’re together next week. I will warn you, as I did before, it can be addictive. You really get to where you enjoy the feeling you get from truly letting go, and the only way you truly let go is to recognize it and make it right. Give it a try.

Start your New Year right, all right?

Do not forget how I started things, reminding you to please keep sending energy, imagining that there is a grid around the planet, above the atmosphere. See it made like a rubber ball.


Lisa, love, I’m so proud of you. You’ve been doing it all right. Keep at it.

Happy trails.