October 2, 2005

Samuel: Well, greetings, dears.

Greetings, Samuel.

S: Aren’t you a perky group tonight? That’s really quite nice.

[…] very entertaining.

S: Kept you happy?


S: Well that’s always good too. So, how has your life changed since last we did this? How has your month—is that right—your month been?

Two months.

S: Two months? How have your two months been? Well, you’re looking at a time of great personal change. And that is so all over your world right now. Being aware of it and doing something purposeful with it is what you need to do in order to be sure that you are making changes, not changes making you. And although that sounds rather simplistic, that really is what happens. And all of that requires vision, doesn’t it?

[To Sanat] There’s my boy. Yes, I can still do it. It’s only she who cannot.

Sanat has this habit of casting forth a little phrase or two. “Is that you?” I believe that he’s much less confused than he used to be about it, but much less ready to just chat away.

[Lakshmi] Because he tries it with me and there’s nothing happening, so he’s a bit shy maybe.

S: I’m back! And there’s my dog! This is a great night. I’ve got the loves of my life—my boy, my dog. Can’t get better. And where’s the other dog.

They’re guarding the house.

S: Guardian dogs. Yes, of course.

All right, so it’s about vision, isn’t it then? Because you will be shifted by how it feels things are going if you do not have any idea where you’re wanting to go. And in your life, you’re not sure of where it is you want to go when you don’t know what it is you want. And when you don’t know what it is you want, in this society inevitably, that’s because you do not believe yourself worthy of having it, because in your life, sometime, some way, you have been given the impression that you are not worthy of it.

So these two months have been showing you options. So what is it that has been going on in your two months so that you are aware of what those options are? And I’m not asking right out yet, just asking you to think about that.

What have these two months been showing you? And that’s because what I want to talk about tonight is pretty much what I talked to you about the last time we were together. It’s about figuring out what it is you really want. And if that isn’t a title that’s by far too long for the little bits of space you have available for them, use it. Figuring Out What It Is You Really Want. And then I want to tell you a few things about you. Oh, isn’t that nervy now? Don’t you think?

Your life can be divided into—wait, let me go back and change that. As a human, as a physical being in this society, Western society, you pretty well can look at your life in age groupings. And during those age groupings, significant things happen in your life. And those things, like going up a staircase, those things all affect one another. You spend the most of your adult life coming to a point in which you either accept or reject what the whole first part of your life was telling you. And you run into your troubles as an adult—hear this, those who are not—you run into your troubles as an adult when you believe that all that came before you is unchangeable. And that’s part of what I want to give to you tonight.

So, when Stuart’s back there saying “You’ve got to stop. Time,” say, “Samuel, you said you were going to give us a way.”

[Oma barks] I told you your energy was up tonight. There it is. She’s already greeting it.

A way to let go of all of the stuff that you tend to hold in your heart and use as your excuses for not doing or for doing—it’s very simple, but do not be fooled by its simplicity—there’s a whole lot of things in your life that you don’t have to put a lot of effort into, yet it gives you a lot of benefit. Can you think of one or two? How about breathing? A lot of benefit from that. Don’t even think much about it, do you? When is it you start thinking a lot about it?

When we can’t.

S: Just making sure you’re here. That’s right. When, for some reason, you cannot do it. The Form has some sort of [coughing], and when I’m using the body, it’s just sort of a general “don’t mess with any of the major systems that are needed to keep it alive.” So, very often, I must leave the breathing alone. That’s a good idea, don’t you think? Leave the breathing alone. Well, when the Form’s got this sort of stuff going on [coughs], I become very aware of her breathing. You’re rarely thinking about your breathing. So, sure, that’s one thing that . . . very simple, very easy, don’t even think about it, but it has a lot of good benefits to it. What’s another?

Flipping a light switch and getting electricity.

S: Don’t even think about it, do you? You just flip it, or hit it, or touch it, or clap your hands, or something—all of those, perhaps. The light comes on. You don’t think too much of it. You enjoy the light. More. Just give me another.

Running water from the faucet.

S: And, of course, it’s the people who have not had the opportunity to just walk into a room and turn a switch, or push a button, or clap your hands and have water come out, those who have lived in the country and have had to pump for it, you know what a gift it is. Even so, right now in your lives, it’s so very simple. You think very little of it. It’s right there for you.


A western-style toilet seat. Compared to China.

S: Yes. Thank you. Ah yes, yes. Well now, you see, that’s what separates the sheep from the goats. That’s how you’re going to know who are the brave amongst you, yes. When you find that you are threatened in the toilet, you find out just what sort of person you really are. “I can do this. Never mind. I cannot do this.”

You do it, but . . . 

S: You do it, but you don’t have to like it do you? But can you respect their version and why it is what it is?

And the ability to aim correctly.

S: Sure. Sure. Don’t worry, women got other benefits.

And the things in your life that tend to be hewn into the bedrock of your childhood that tend to be justifications and excuses in your adulthood, these things can change and it’s not so hard to do it. So if we get too close to the end, and Stuart is signaling, and you notice that I am going in another direction altogether—you know these are the rules of the front row—you’ve got to say, “Wait!” All right.

Do you know what is the one most important thing that you need in your life, not only right now—and I will assure you having looked around the room, you do need it now; some of you a lot more than others—something that you need in order for your experience in the world to be the best it can be? Do you know what it is that you need?

Now, don’t raise your hand. I want you, just for a moment, to think about it. I want you to think about your physical experience, your mental-emotional [need?]. What do your emotions need? What does your body need? What does your spirit need? I want you to think about maybe the last week, or year, or forty, or fifty, or fifteen, or ten, or . . . of them. And I want you to think about the one thing you really, really, cannot do without. Or, perhaps more accurately, that you cannot do without and function in a way that really works in this world.

Now, don’t raise your hand, because I’m going to tell you that what you’ve written down is probably right, what you thought about there is probably right for a certain part of you, but what every one of you needs to have as a part of that answer—if it’s not the answer—it is balance. Balance.

Right now in your world, the lack of balance is showing its results in some very painful ways. Give me a few examples of lack of balance showing up in the world right now. Somebody in China—who was in China—can you think of a particular imbalance? Paula.

There’s a huge split between those who live in the cities, who have a lot of modern conveniences and opportunities to make money, and the people who live on the land, providing the food, who are usually very poor and have very limited lives.

S: That’s right. A very large majority of individuals poorer than you can imagine. And I’m glad for you, that you have a hard time imagining it. Do not forget that you made that choice for a reason as well. But yes, between the amazingly poor and the almost rich. And across your world, that’s something that you can see in many places, not simply China.

What’s another? Suzanne, and then Frank.

The air pollution in China, which is the lack of balance between the health and the quality of the environment and the rush to industrialize.

S: Yes. Yes. Anybody in China have photos of clear days? Is that right? Too polluted to see.


Balance between a government trying to stay organized and providing services as it adapts to a modern world, and people wanting to have more freedom than they have had.

S: Yes. Yes.

There’s a balance problem with how they view men and women, and the value that is assigned to the genders in that country.

S: Aye. Can you look at any of these things and the many more that you can look at around the world, and see how a lack of balance creates hardship?

How would you balance the poverty and the rich? How would you bring balance to the clean air and the regulations that bring about clean air in a nation that is industrializing and has no precautions or rules about such things. How would you bring balance to these things?

By bringing balance to our own lives.

S: Ultimately—very big picture there—that’s the perfect answer. You do it by allowing that balance to show up one . . . one . . . one. But on a shorter term, what is it that’s required to bring balance? Lakshmi.

Awareness that there is lack of balance, and options to put that awareness . . . give it feet so that you can do something about it.

S: Options are a symptom of awareness, so I’ll go with the awareness. Absolutely. What’s required first is the recognition that “this isn’t a very workable system.”

And right there—right there—that’s the difference. Change happens when you no longer want what is. Ideally, you do not have to be hit over the head, knocked by a two-by-four too many times—or, for some of you a four-by-eight, or progressively harder, a few bricks now and again. Ideally you don’t have to be put into a place of pain before you say, “I don’t like this!” And yet the reality of it, for so much of the world, is that change only happens when you just cannot any longer stand the way things are.

What’s the problem with that? Cathy.

People get very comfortable in their misery. It’s very safe to be miserable, and change is very frightening sometimes.

S: I’m going to take that [to] a very specific place. Particularly those of you who work in the medical fields, do you know people who can manage—perhaps you’re one of them—tremendous amounts of pain, even when it’s not to their advantage to be holding on and gritting their teeth and feeling all of that? Do you know people like that? Why would they do that?

Now, there definitely are people who have a higher tolerance—no doubt. But I mean those who actually—I don’t know—find the pain as a reminder that they are alive, maybe. I highly recommend you find a different token to be that reminder for you, a different buoy on the sea of life. Perhaps it is they find that the pain is tolerable, tolerable enough that they would rather deal with the pain than the side-effects of the medication, maybe, that would take it away. And perhaps the reason is because they’ve had so much of the pain that it has become a part of them, and their life is not only affected by that pain, but they find their lives worth more because of it.

And for those of you who feel I just gave you a big smack over the top of your head, you’re right. Going right for you.

And as a result of that, within this life there are whole generations of people who are willing to put up with tremendous amounts of pain, be it physical pain, mental-emotional pain, spiritual pain. And some of those people have convinced themselves that it makes them better, or have bought into this “well, now, there’s a reason for it to be here in my life. I am born to suffer, and I will do it well.” And you know people—and there have even been parts of your own life in which you have cultivated a pain, because it gave you something you needed at that time. What are the kinds of things that the different versions of pain can give you that might have you just keep it around where you can pull it out now and again. Frank.

There was a period in my life when my work very stressful, and I knew the more exhausted and tired I looked, the more it showed how busy I was and how valuable I was. And so it wasn’t something I tried to eliminate from my life. I saw it as a badge of honor.

S: Gwendolyn.

Lots of attention.

S: Lots of attention. Yes. [It] pulls the what? The mother, the judge, the medic out of everyone around you.

A distraction from responsibility.

S: Distracts you from the things that you have agreed to do. “Well, I cannot do it, because I have these recurring nightmares of life that keep me from being what I’m here to be and doing what I’m here to do. I call it . . .”—oh, what?—“I call it . . . dysfunctional parents. Yes, mum. I call it dysfunctional parents.” I call it a terrible work situation. I call it . . .

Poor me.

S: Again.

Poor me.

S: Poor me. All I’m good for, all I’m worthy of . . . And although I’m talking about pain, I want you to remember that what I’m talking about tonight is balance. But pain is up right now because it’s about change. You have beliefs, actions, all sorts of pieces of your life that you don’t even consciously think about, all of the pieces that make up you. And they make up the you that functions pretty well, and you’re all right with that. They make up the you that has gotten this far—good days, bad day. They make up the you that you are familiar enough with, that you’ve made enough peace with, that you are willing to accept rather than risk change. Better the devil you know than the one that you don’t?

And that is where your pain comes from. That part of you that has to do with staying as you are rather than looking around for another doorway, staying in a situation that is intolerable because who knows what the next one might be.

I have spoken with people who have been in the most horrifying abusive relationships and felt the need to stay because they knew that their mate did not mean to make so little of them, that the stress is so big right now. [People] who stayed in a job that did not pay enough, did not give enough, did not challenge enough, did not please enough, because it’s better than getting back out on the job market, and who knows what will happen then in this society, because the pain was better than the lack of knowing?

What do you know in this world? Don’t send me death and taxes thoughts. All right, that’s true, probably. What do you know in this world.

Everything will change.

S: Everything will change. That’s right.

Every day’s a new opportunity.

S: You know the guiding principle of this life, which is “Everything is going to change,” and you know the only thing that you can do to get through it, and that is . . . say it again.

Every day is a new opportunity. If you just can make it through this one, maybe tomorrow will be better.

S: The attitude that says keep going. Keep going.

And have the one idea that this brain doesn’t comprehend how the Universe works yet. Maybe it never will, but to trust that everything works together, everything works for the better.

S: Ah, but you see, that takes a leap. That one is impossible. That one is impossible unless you have already moved out of the abyss, and you’re not focusing on how much pain you feel and how afraid you are of change. You only can recognize that there is a purpose for everything when you have moved out of you and are allowing yourself to connect into something that is more of you.

Now, here is what I would like for you to do on your paper. All right? I want you to write down three things that you like to do. Don’t bust a gut here—bust a gut, yes—just think, what are three things that you really like to do?


S: I’m not sure. I never know. Things are floating around up here. I just grab them and go with it. Bust a gut. But you seemed to know what I was saying. That’s something you say, yes?

Three things you like to do. Now, on your own when you go home, just as an aside, why don’t you ask yourself, “Why is it I like these things? What is it about them that I like?” Because you can give yourself an incredible, powerful piece of wisdom when you let yourself consciously look at the things you enjoy and figure out what it is that links them. What is the thread that flows through the things that you enjoy? What do they have in common? Because what you enjoy is one of the most important aspects of the you that functions in this world. But that’s not really where I’m going with this, so save that for later. All right?

Right now with these three things that you enjoy, I want you—and it’s possible I’ll need a little help with this one—I want you to think about the days of the week. You have Sunday, and then you have Monday, and then you have Tuesday. And I want you to put whatever the letter would be for each of those, or write out each of those, just down a line. A line for each one of the days in a week. Sunday and Monday, and Tuesday, and Wednesday, and the rest of them. Thursday. And Friday, and Saturday. It was just Thursday that was a little lost there, that’s all. And on each one of those days, I’d like for you to think about how much time you spent doing one of those three things. And make a note of that.

For instance, “One of the things that I really love to do is . . .”


S: Tone, yes. Tone. And on Sunday I toned . . . and on Monday I toned. . . . On Sunday I toned for half an hour, or if you’re living in Lexington, you cannot tone for just half an hour unless you have a very small group. So you get your friends together and the six of you perhaps toned for half an hour. Or, at Phoenix you were together and you toned for an hour. And on Sunday you write down, and on Monday you write down, and on Tuesday you write down, and what you’re writing down is how much time you spent doing those three things you enjoy.

Now, you might not do each one of those every day, and if you do, good for you. On the other hand, you might also find that you’re not doing any of them on Sundays. Anybody finding that you’ve got a few blank days on your list? A few of you are. Yes. The most of you are.

I’ve got a week’s worth.

S: A week’s worth. And what that means is that you are killing you. And I mean that as dramatically as you are willing to take it, because what that means is you are murdering you. Or, if you want to see it the way that I truly see it, you’re committing suicide long and slow. And I need to tell you, I take issue with that.

What you’re looking at on the list of your week is what’s important to you. On the days that you are able to say “I spent thirty minutes, or an hour, or two hours, or five hours, or all day doing this I love, and this thing that I really enjoy,” I want you for those days to write next to it the amount of time in a day that’s left when you weren’t doing that. For instance, “I had a half-hour, and that left me twenty-three and a half hours.” All right?

Now, there’s something you’re going to do with each one of those notes as well, so just quickly figure that out. All right?

And when you’ve got that figured out, set it aside for a moment, and now what I want you to do is—without thinking very hard about it—three things you don’t enjoy. And when you come up with those three things you don’t enjoy, I want you to do the same test. How much time did you spend doing what you don’t enjoy in that twenty-three and a half hours that left, or the twenty hours that left, or the eighteen hours that left, or the five hours that left. Do you understand what I’m asking you to do here? And the reason I want you to have it written down is because you’re going to make a very important note on that very soon.

Somebody in here is telling me I’m not being very nice.

If I can’t think of anything I don’t enjoy, am I just fooling myself?

S: I think that you should go with “there is nothing I don’t enjoy.” Just go with that, that’s good. It’s not necessarily accurate, but for right now at this moment, it works for me. What you might want to ask yourself, though, is what is it you’re doing to spend your time in during a day? And as you take a look at that, ask yourself “Am I enjoying this?” Because I’m not really wanting you to offer yourself a place of neutrality. “Well, I don’t not like. I don’t like it, but I don’t not like it. I figured out how to make this work. I know how it is.” The subtext there is “I’m waiting for a two-by-four. I have no vision. I don’t know what I’m going to be doing so I just take it moment by moment and make the best out of it,” which is a good way to live if you have nothing better to do in your life, if you’re not here for a purpose. As long as there’s not a part of you in your life that knows that you’re here for a reason, and that that reason is all about making this world better in one way or another, then it’s fine to have no vision. And you can muddle along as you are, and as you have been, as long as you wish, but just remember this is as good as it will ever get.

You got my attention with “martyring yourself, killing yourself,” three things that I picked out that I really enjoy are not something that I have ever done, often because they’re just not available to do often.

S: Why?

Well, for one thing Broadway shows, which I love, are not something that I have access to.

S: Why?

Well, because they’re not here locally. I like to see live performances, and that’s something I totally enjoy, but I substitute things like that, that I can’t do.

S: And is what you substitute a version of what it is you truly enjoy? For instance, you absolutely love Broadway shows, and by that you mean going to New York City, where that Broadway [is]?

I mean like the traveling shows. I’d love to do that, but . . . 

S: And this city does not have such things.

They have them just on rare occasions, I mean they have maybe three or four a year.

S: They’re not the sort of thing that you could do every day, so do you have something every day that gives you a bit of what that show experience gives you?

Well, the three things that I’ve listed all have to do with creative activities.

S: Good.

And so I do something creative, even though they’re not exactly those particular things. I’m doing something creative.

S: And that’s good, and that’s getting into that other part of the homework that I’m not going into. No, you’re not the only one in here that I’m speaking to right now—even though I’m looking at you to do it—and that is, you have things in your life, you have certain things that you enjoy that are unreachable, and you need to ask yourself first, why is that? I asked you not to think very hard about it, but to come up with three things you enjoy, and I did that very purposefully, because I did not want you to put your brain too much into it. I wanted things that you just really enjoy. And I wanted you to look at how that fits in your life, and if what you have are things that you enjoy that don’t fit into your life, what is that saying? I have these things that I really enjoy, Bonnie, but they’re not the kinds of things that you can do every day, but they’re what comes to mind because you don’t have what you enjoy every day.

In your life, you seek big stuff, because you don’t have the little stuff. And if you don’t have the little stuff, why? Why?

Looking at the time that you spend doing things that you don’t necessarily enjoy versus the time that you do those things you do enjoy—for those of you who have things you enjoy; not that you could come up with some that you do now and again, on a day. And if I asked you to raise your hand, you would look around a room of Guardians in this world who know what to do to be happy, who know what is needed in their life. You would be looking at a room full of people who have God in their finger tips saying, “I spend a whole lot of my life doing what I’m not enjoying. I spend a whole lot of my life looking into the what-if land. I spend a whole lot of my life out of balance.” Right here in this room.

And that’s where I’m going with it, that balance. How much of your life do you spend just getting over the time you spend doing what you’re not enjoying, don’t understand or is painful enough to make you feel like it’s really worth something so you keep it around anyway.

What are you balancing that with? I will grant that indeed there are a whole lot of things in your very complicated . . . in this very complex world, there are a lot of things, a lot of reasons why you cannot be enjoying everything that you’re doing with our life. And if you believe that, why do you take vitamins? If you believe that, why do you oil your body and take baths and wear nice clothing? If you believe that, why are you here? Here. Here. If you believe that, then you have been finding a very interesting thing that happens in this world: what you give most of your attention to is what you get more of in your life.

Now look at your list. What is it that you’re giving most of your attention to? Because that’s how it’s going to keep going, that’s tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow.

So is the way that you gain balance in all of that simply doing more of what it is you enjoy? No, I want to tell you—oh, you’re not going to like this. Let me see if there’s another way I can word that that it will just float right by you in a very acceptable fashion, all right? In your life, from the moment that you are born into this world until the time that you’re about three years old, your whole life is about security. And that security is about relying on somebody else to give you what you need.

The first year of that, you’re not very aware of that process. The second year of that, you are becoming more aware of the process, and you are recognizing the benefits of it, and you are simply coasting along with it. The third year of that, you see the limitations, and you begin shifting away from it, which is to say that at the age of three, you begin doing two things. One of them is seriously learning how to manipulate so that you can get what you want in the midst of keeping happy those who hold all of the cards that deal with your life.

[Of Sanat] And yes, of course, he’s faster than three on that.

And the other thing that you learn how to do is—let’s see, what would be a nice way of saying learn to justify, even at that tender age?—juggle, you learn to juggle. You learn what is needed to get what you want with each particular point in your life.

Those of you who are parents, you see this in the “if mother says no, go ask father.” You see it in the behaviors around grandparents, behaviors around parents. You see it a lot of ways. You did that, too. You figured out what was required to get what you wanted. Some of you have never moved out of three, and you spend a whole lot of your life just making happy the people that are holding your strings. And those strings are whatever it is you’re needing for security, which may not anymore be mother’s milk and a place to . . . warm diapers, and a place to sleep. Dry diapers—thank you—and a place to sleep. Although for some of you, it’s not so far. All right, no more aging jokes. All right.

Some of you have not moved beyond life being all about juggling what you want and how you deal in order to get what it is you feel you need at the moment—and you are three. Unless you just happen to be a high-frequency Guardian, and then maybe you’re one and a half.

The next section of life from three until about seven, you are learning how to function in a world without those who hold your strings. You begin making friends. You begin learning about authority outside of your parents or grandparents. You begin developing the characteristics that juggling served for you—unless you’re stuck at three. Instead of juggling all of the time, from three until seven you are much more determining what will and will not be juggled in your life. You begin creating the characteristics that make you who you are now. You begin developing those beliefs.

From one until three, you can undergo some pretty serious dysfunction, some amazingly upsetting and horrible, painful experiences and do all right. Really. But when that’s happening between three and seven, you pretty much are going to grow up this way—that was twisted; that way—because that’s where you’re learning what your value is in the world. That’s where you’re learning what you enjoy, what works for you, what you don’t enjoy. And you start developing a personality that allows you to justify a life filled with what you don’t enjoy doing, or perhaps a life in which you’re the only one living in that world, and you can just enjoy it all. It’s where you learn to begin having friendships, being a friend, having friends, where you begin to look outside of yourself for the happiness of another. “I have a friend. My friend needs me for this.” There are a lot of adults who did not make it from three to seven with the ability to move outside of their own needs, their own problems, their own joys, and as a result they’ve justified the importance of being loners, or they’re very lonely.

And this is an indulgence. I’m covering a lot tonight. In fact, I think that it will probably have to run over. When can we do this again? Maybe a couple of weeks from now? All right, we’ll do it again. It’s all right, go ahead.

It seems like the behaviors may not change, but the motivations of the behaviors change.

S: And you’re right, but those motivations are always—through the rest of your life—they are always based on what you believe you need for security right now. And balance in your life comes when what you need for security is equally inside of you and outside of you, not when it’s all inside or all outside. You fear change when it’s all outside. And I promise you, you fear life when it’s all inside. There are amazingly spiritual people in this world who are useless to be able to do what they’re here to do because they have learned to become so . . . self-sufficient sounds nice, doesn’t it, but really narcissistic might fit better.

From seven until about—when do hormones kick in?



S: Eleven. Twelve. That’s what I thought. Used to say about fourteen, but now this is a beef-eating country. What do you think they’re feeding chickens and cows? Stuff them full of [to make them] grow up fast.

So from seven until we’ll say elevenish, and that can probably be a bit of a range. Maybe we’ll say ten to fourteen, fifteen, thinking elevenish—and this one’s really big—that’s where you learn to balance what you want and what you have. And if you have powerfully negative experiences during this time-period of life, it will have a very profound—a profound effect—on how you function in intimate relationships for the rest of your life.

Wait a minute, Samuel, don’t you mean relationships generally? No. I mean intimate relationships, for the rest of your life? What happened to you when you were fourteen, eleven—all right nine, but you were a bit ahead—that made you stop believing that you could have friends, that you were acceptable. And, my darlings, here is the problem—your adulthood belief in change, and the safety of it, or the fun of it, or the absolute resistance and fear of it, is seeded in those years.

Your belief in your personal worth, your belief in your ability to be loved and cared for and enjoyed—in a healthy manner this time—your belief in what your future can provide might still be—and for some of you I guarantee that it is—hinging on what? The abuse? The misuse? The cold, the uncaring. Do you still see yourself as a gawky—that’s not the word now—nerdy loner? Self-sufficient?

And your ability to bring balance into your life as an adult, your ability to look at your life right now and say “There’s a lot of things I like to do, and I do some of them every day. And there’s things I don’t like to do, but, you know, that’s just a part of the game. When I have to do them, I just buckle down and do it. These are healthy attitudes. I don’t whine.” Do you know what the title of the next workshop’s going to be?

Stop whining and ascend.

S: From Whining to Shining, because you see I’m on a soapbox right now. And I’m on a soap box because some of the most incredible people in this universe are hearing me right now, and their day-to-day lives keep them from being really alive. And, you see, here’s the thing: I need you alive, not just living. And even more important, you need you alive.

There is so much in your life you know you want still to touch and have and do and smell and enjoy and hate and resist, and so many more dances to put those old knees through. So much more laughter for your heart to feel. So much more power to be experienced and used. So much more love to give and receive. And you know that. And you’re not going to get it, to have it, to do it, you’re not going to if you live your life stuck at two, stuck at six, seven, stuck at eleven.

You do not know how to bring the balance that allows you to be fully alive, here, if what you are now is who you were then. You carry with you, with every breath, pieces of all you are, and you live that in your life every moment. And here is what you need to know—now the front row can know that I’m getting there, all right—you can change that place of pain, or unhappiness, or even simply neutrality that has learned not to feel any more because it’s dangerous, so just . . . you can change those places in your life that hold you back at two or six or eleven, you can change them. And although it really is simple, you are going to have to go through each of those areas of your life before you feel the release that this simple exercise can give you. And when I say you will have to go through each of those areas of your life, what I mean is you need to give yourself a little bit of time to think back as far as your memory will let you go. Can you remember from birth to about three? What can you remember? Can you talk to anybody that can juggle any of it? No, not juggle. Jiggle? Joggle? Ah, you know what I’m saying.

Jog it.

S: Jog it. Thank you. That can jog that memory, help you get a bit more. For some of you that, by the way, is something you need to work through, because it holds you from pleasure. But, not my point. Keep going.

And then from three until seven and from seven until about fifteen—as you look back on “What are seven major things I remember from that time?” Try to do it as you did earlier. What are three things that you like? And you just started writing down things. Let your mind move back quickly. “I remember when I was four. I had a teacher in kindergarten. I must have enjoyed it because I’m remembering it.” Maybe I didn’t enjoy it, but I’m remembering it. Just let your mind clamp on to those big generalities, if that’s what they happen to be, but then give yourself time to look them over. Look them over with, in your mind, what I explained those particular character traits [were, and how they] began there and show up now in your adulthood. Look at them. See how they might relate like you did in this earlier exercise—what you really enjoy, what you don’t enjoy—because what changes your life, the thing that can begin the journey to balance, which is all about wholeness, is what you need to do as you look at those things. And what you need to do is very, very simple. Accept—I did not say understand, did not say have all the details, I said accept. It was. I kept breathing. So now, I am. Accept, and where needed, forgive.

And I want to remind you—some of you know this—you are forgiving yourself. And you need to stay with it until you’ve figured out why it is you’re forgiving yourself, because the first thing that your mind is going to want to do is come up with all of the reasons why this is somebody else’s issue, and you forgive them for leaping into your life and making it stick into your adulthood. You are forgiving you.

And because, more than you can even imagine, because I love you so, I’m going to give you a warning. When you have forgiven yourself, it’s freeing, not depressing. When you are really working hard to protect the miserable, that isn’t forgiveness.

Acceptance. Forgiveness. And when you are looking at forgiving yourself, realize that what you are forgiving are the things you needed to do to survive. For some of you that survival is literal. It’s very sad that very often individuals who are here to do a magnificent work in the world, very early on in their lives have experiences that later, perhaps, led a lot to why they are so compassionate, why they are so willing to love in spite of whatever the world tends to throw their way. But a whole lot of times it doesn’t create compassion; it creates guilt, and guilt always creates anger.

Ultimately, bottom line, you know that you have balance in your life when you can look at a day and what’s reflected back to you is what you want now, what you care about now, what you love, what you hope, and not who you were yesterday, what you wanted yesterday—and mind you, yesterday could be fifteen years ago, or fifteen hours ago—what somebody else cared about, what somebody else hoped. You have balance in your life when you matter.

One last thing—through the end of the year, simply by the nature of this particular society, you’re going to have put in front of you everything you need to know—everything you need to know—to put the acceptance and the forgiveness into your life to bring about wholeness, balance—your issues, your childhood, your justifications. I want to remind you, you are a piece of a much greater whole. Do not need to do it all by yourself. Do not need to stay in your closet, all by yourself, learning to make you whole. You are here to be a piece of everyone and everything you look at, even if what you are looking at is as scary as I imagine this thing looks right now.

It really is time to be living your life.