Avoiding Anger And Disappointment

February 6, 2000

Samuel: Hello, dears.

Hello, Samuel.

S: So how are you feeling? Healthy? Well, you remember the last time we were together like this? It was the Scourge of Phoenix. It wasn’t me, it was something else.

It’s been a time of a lot of physical change, don’t you think? Be it your physical body or be it your physical world, but a lot of change going on. And I suppose that it’s one of those facts of life, death, taxes, change. You can count on them as always being a part of your life, and so because of that, I’m very likely to be constantly starting every time we’re together with the question, How are you doing through the changes these days? What are you finding out about yourself in regard to change? And how are you feeling about your ability to let go, make decisions, have discernment, set priorities that allow you to move on into the next area? Life is very interesting these days. So how are you doing through the change?

It is, perhaps, one of the most accurate times to say everybody is experiencing the change of life. If I knew, love. The change of life. Aye.

Well, I think if you know a lot of change is going on and you’re sort of expecting it, you know, with awareness and consciousness about it, you can adapt.

S: Knowledge of a thing does so much to prepare you for a thing, doesn’t it? Aye. How many of you love surprises except when it’s your life? Give me stuff. Just shower me with it. Let it be a surprise. Put a surprise, something I was not expecting in my life, forget it! No more.

I’m discovering that security and control are really illusions, and that the only thing we really have is the strength that comes from the connection with Source, and that expectations, and what we do and what we don’t do is really irrelevant, and that it’s truly about the Source connection, and that connection being love, and moving through life with that.

S: Well said. Glochanumora. Aye. So, would you say, love, that security, expectations, relationship with Source, it’s the best and the worst things you could ever be learning about? Good for you.

I’m talking about relationships tonight. Now, that’s a place where there’s a lot of change, isn’t there?

And as what you are dealing with are the constructs of all of the major aspects within your world, be they economic, be they business of different sorts, and the many different kinds of business that you have going on—governmental, family—all of the constructs that establish your society are changing, and the societies across your world are changing. So are your relationships.

And the essential construct through which they function is also changing. They are changing, of course, because you are, and they change to reflect you. First, the masses of you—mass consciousness—and from there, the individuals of you.

I want to begin it with a bit of a story. I want you just to settle in to this one a bit. All right? Put on your imagination, and see if you cannot take yourself to a beautiful green land, long ago. Long ago, and far, far away.

Society was much simpler at this time. In fact, it tended to be a tribal sort of society. Beyond constantly mobile, and into agricultural, which means that the tribes were able to be stationary for most of the year. These tribes centered around family units. Not a surprise. And out of each family a representative was sent to a greater council, and the council had a group of those who were—maybe elected is not a good word—chosen to lead, all of whom were led by one. So you can see that there is a hierarchical structure of sorts.

Into this scenario, I want you to imagine two young people. Young.

Matthew, darling, how old are you?

Ten.

S: Ten. Ten would probably work. I might have said about twelve, probably.

And, although it was not accurate that it was a boy and a girl, I want you to imagine that it’s a boy and girl, all right, who were out wandering nearby, and saw that into one of the nearby glades a large tree had fallen. And that this tree had fallen into just a bit of a depression—depressed area—and that they were going to make the tribe so happy, because if they could move this tree, and chop it up into pieces, they would be able to create firewood that would keep the tribe warm, that would help the cooking pots stay cooking, that would bring about a certain amount of ease. And they would be the heroes.

That’s not so unusual for a child, for any person, is it? To want to do something, oh not necessarily because it’s such a sweet thing to do, as much as it is because you’ll get to be the hero.

And so they took to trying to move this tree. And they pushed, and they shoved, and they pushed some more. And one would grab ahold of a large branch, and start tugging, and the other would get on the other side, and start pushing, and it would begin to roll just a bit. And they were sweating, and they were getting cut up. They were having such a hard time.

And not so very far away, the chief of the tribe was watching these two eager young ones, and watched and watched until finally the two in exasperation gave up and started walking the trail back. The chief stepped out and said, “What have you been doing?” And he could tell that they were a bit embarrassed, because they did not want to say they had decided to do something and failed. And they stood there and sort of looked at him, and looked at the ground, and looked around. And finally, one said, “We were going to bring a fallen tree we had found in so that it could be cut into firewood, and stripped out for bark, and made useful.”

And the chief said, “What a wonderful thing to do. Where is it?”

“Well, we weren’t strong enough. We could not do it.”

And the chief said, “You’re wrong. You could do this. You could do this. You’re wrong.”

“No, we tried everything. We can’t do it.”

“You’ve not used everything you have available.”

“Oh no, that’s not true. We tried putting rocks under it. We tried digging a hole under it. We tried to lever [it] out. We did everything we could do.”

And again, the chief said, “You did not make use of all of your resources.”

“Yes! We did! We did everything we could. We pushed and we pulled. Look, we’re cut to pieces and we are so tired. We gave it everything we could. We did the best we could, where we are, with what we had at the time, and it wasn’t enough.” Aye, well, you know, it’s an old principle. “We did everything.”

“No, you did not.

And the two children who were twelve or twenty or forty or sixty, looked up at the chief and said, “What? Are you nuts?” No, they did not say that. They said, “I don’t understand. What more was available to us? What more could we have done?”

And the chief said, “Well, you could have called on me. You could have come and called on the tribe.”

“Oh, we did not think of that.”

Somebody, what’s the point in that story?

You need to let go of your own ego for the betterment of the group.

S: Well, it’s a scary sort of thing to do, you know, because the visual was that they were going to be heroes. They were going to save the tribe. They were going to protect it. They were going to be the ones that brought the great gift.

Well, this story could be told a hundred different ways. They were out shooting the bear in the wood to provide meat all winter. They were working on a particular business proposition, and the way that they had set up to do it was fine, but it did not work. It was not working for them. How could they tell it was not working for them? What are the signs that it’s not working?

Struggles.

S: They were struggling and they were suffering. Anything else in there?

Unhappy.

[…]

S: Their situation wasn’t changing. The tree wasn’t moving. They were sweating. They were unhappy. They were frustrated. But, probably, the biggest one is the tree wasn’t moving. Now, hello, that’s a sign.

I am going to save the world. I’m going to save the world by starting in my own back yard where there happens to be this great tree. And there’s so much that can be done with this tree. Universe, if I can move this tree, I’ll be able to do all the things you want me to do. I’ll be able to shine like the sun, and give light to all of those around. This is the part where you squirm, because you know you’ve said a version of that yourself.

And it hurts. The tree is not moving, and neither are you, and it’s unpleasant. Good sign. You’ve done everything you know to do in the situation. Big key. Right there. You’ve done everything you know to do in the situation, but it’s not enough. Everything except ask for help.

Now, I started out by saying, I’m talking about relationships tonight. And, yes, the co-creative relationship is very much a part of it. Your relationship with Source is all of it in the largest picture.

And for just a moment I want you to take over and teach a bit, to give me—oh, let’s say—five reasons—how about that—why a relationship with Source is a good thing to have in your life, all right. Then I don’t have to go there, because I’ve gone there many, many times. So, somebody, why is it good?

It allows you to know that there’s more, that there’s greater.

S: Sure, that connection with Source lets you know that there’s more. What else?

You don’t have to do it alone.

S: You’re not alone. Wonderful.

You tap into total limitlessness.

S: You’re tapping into greater power for what you’re wanting. Unlimited, and then fill in the blank.

The love of the relationship with Source is the only thing that fills the void.

S: And that relationship fills a hole in you.

No matter what the result, you know that it’ll get taken care of in one way or another. If you weren’t able to do it, then what you have done might be the stepping stone for somebody else.

S: There is a security and a trust that is developed in that working relationship with Source in which you begin to develop a larger picture. Comes from hanging out with larger beings. You develop a larger picture in which what you see is that this is going to work together for good. If I don’t see it, maybe it’s good for somebody else. The steps that I’m taking might be the steps somebody else is walking through as well.

Sure, all of these are excellent reasons to turn that story into a discussion about a relationship with Source, and the importance of that relationship, because of what it will give you.

And what keeps you from having a good relationship with Source? Just a couple of ideas here.

Lack of trust.

S: A lack of trust. A need to control things, have it your own way, and therefore an inability to open up to a partnership.

A poor relationship with others, because what’s needed there is what’s needed with Source.

Not willing to take responsibility. Seeking outside yourself for that.

S: Unwillingness to take personal responsibility for the things that are going on in your life. And that’s a negative side of a relationship with Source, because when you’re functioning in a relationship with Source, you suddenly become very responsible or very unhappy if you’re not. Indeed. Aye.

And like the children, you have to know to access that.

S: Good. To make the effort. You’ve got to make the effort. It is Stuart, or perhaps it is the Form that tells the story that I repeat now and again about the long-married couple in which the wife longingly says to the husband across the car, “Aye, dear, remember when we used to snuggle up and kiss and play on car drives? And look at us now, we’re just off in our ends of the car and not paying attention to one another at all.” And, he looked over and said, “I’ve not moved.” And so it is in that relationship with Source: you’ve got to make the effort. But making that effort is to satisfy yourself. What do I mean by that? By “making the effort it is to satisfy yourself”?

Because our illusion is separation.

S: Because the illusion is separation. Good. Front row’s not brain-dead yet. This is good.

So with that in mind to mull over later and think about it another time, the relationship with Source, the goods and the difficulties of a relationship with Source, and the whole lessoning, right there, about that, I want you to take yourself back to that valley, long ago. Those two children, that large tree. The tribe over here and the chief right here. And this time I want you to switch all of that into a much more in-the-world, personal relationship.

They were not using all of their resources. They did not ask for help. Why is it—hypothetically, of course, because I’m certain that you have no personal knowledge of what I’m asking here, so just a flinging thought, perhaps—if it was that somebody had difficulty asking for help, what might be a reason?

Fear.

Fear of rejection or fear that you’re not enough.

S: Fear of rejection. I asked. They said no.

The children were functioning in a small version of the world, and couldn’t see beyond that to see what benefit they could offer by seeing the bigger picture. Took away the heroism, because then you introduce other folks, but there’s so much more benefit when the bigger picture is part of your functioning.

S: The fear that what you are going to lose by opening up is greater. The loss is greater than the gain could be.

The folly of believing that you are enough, that all it takes is you. You can do it alone.

S: That belief that you don’t need anybody else.

The belief that you don’t deserve it really.

S: That I don’t deserve. I cannot ask because I do not deserve this help.

That asking for help is failure. That if you can’t do it by yourself, you’re a failure.

S: If I’m not doing it myself, it means I’m a failure. I’m not enough.

Fear that it can be interpreted as an indication of weakness.

S: That it shows weakness. And you know what happens if you show a weakness, don’t you? They take that smallest opening and stick the knife right in.

There’s a presumption that you’re not going to get the help, so why bother asking.

S: Why bother, because it won’t happen anyway.

You’re troubling someone else, that you’ll be a burden by asking for help.

S: I cannot burden enough, I cannot bother somebody with my stuff. That’s right.

The fear that if you do get it, then what will happen? I mean, what next, because you . . . well, you kind of might get it, and then it might be […].

S: So if I get the help and this thing comes about, then I’m going to have to do something about it. People will expect more of me. I will become known as somebody who can get things done, and then I’ll be expected to get things done and. . . .

Paula.

The fear that you don’t know people well enough to be able to make that kind of request.

S: Fear that you are not needed enough by others for them to let go of their own things to help another.

Fear that others might think that your request is stupid. What do you want to move that big tree for?

S: That you’ll be seen as less than sane. Less than intelligent. Aye.

Help can mean indebtedness.

S: Ah, obligations. Yes. Then you’ll owe them. And all of these are good reasons, aren’t they? They are; they’re excellent reasons. And I highly recommend that if you are happy with your life the way it is, that you allow these reasons to guide you to ensure that your life does not change, and that, in fact, it only gets worse, because I have an outrageous statement to make: Human beings are pack animals.

All right, not that sort. And what I mean by that is twofold. In the largest view, in the largest view, this is not the view that your brain that seeks security here functions with. This is the one your heart functions with, so just turn off the brain for a moment and let this run through the heart so that the heart remembers what I am reminding it of.

When in the beginning, the breath of Source was released and the worlds as you know it were created—the world of the planet itself, the world of the plants upon it—all that was created, all that was made, was a part of that maker. In the largest picture, what you are is a part of a much greater whole, and what you are constantly seeks to be tuned again to that greater frequency, filled again with that greater expression of life. Returned to the Source.

In the very same way that your fingers are a part of your hand, that your hand, in the larger picture, is a piece of your heart, because it all has to do with functioning here so you and you and you are a part of a greater body. And throughout your life, there is a part of you that seeks reunion with those greater aspects of you.

Throughout your life, the greater part of you seeks the greater. That was the end of that sentence. And in everybody you seek it, and in every experience you seek it, that which is greater. And as a result, because of that, all of those other issues, those hypothetical ones that you so easily came up with a few moments ago, come up, because as the greater part of you seeks its self out there, the second part begins to happen. Because just as there is a greater part of you in All That Is, there is also a very conscious aspect of you. Move out of heart now, back up to brain. A very conscious aspect of you that knows, Well, that may be so, but this is the one that has to get fed, and this is the one that has to get exercised—ah, you don’t know that word; let me try another one—this is the one that has to be cared for in some way or another. This is the one that counts.

Now, in your life, if you have a sense that there is more that pulls you toward others, not knowing what might be there, but seeking a wholeness that seems unformed, and perhaps even a bit elusive; if you have that and, on the other hand, you have physical essence saying, You must be kidding—on the other hand, you have physical essence that says, Maybe more, or lunch now—what’s going to win?

In most beings it’s lunch now. And lunch now is every one of the issues that have to do with keeping the physical essence functioning. Don’t go off in the woods by yourself; there are bears out there. Eat when you feel hungry; you need the strength. Think quickly on your feet to make it in the wolves of Wall Street. You learn to survive, and that to make it in the world, you’ve got to survive. And the issues for survival count more than the desire to connect into a greater wholeness. And, in fact, it’s only when the desire to connect in to a greater wholeness is what you need to survive, that that change begins to happen.

And I’ve got another very familiar story that talks about that.

Once upon a time, there was a fellow who was quite –and this is what the world will be—that was quite happy. Very, very well placed in his work. Had a very high-level family, was—oh, gosh, let’s just say the word— he was rich. Once there was a rich man. Do not sing to me. The last time this happened, there were choruses of Rudolph. All right.

This is a whole musical.

S: Indeed.

“Fiddler On The Roof” is where it came from.

S: All right. How many of you were singing of a roof? Don’t sing to me; it disrupts things.

He had a happy family. He was an important person. He was also a typically attuned spiritual person. Typically attuned, spiritually, meaning he was grateful for the things were in this life, did the things that he thought were expected of him, a person in the position that he’s in. Regularly prayed. Conversations. Thank you for this great abundance in my life. Thank you for my happy family and my lovely wife. Please don’t let anything happen to any of this stuff. Keep me safe. Sounding familiar yet? Help me get this next big contract so that I can do the things that you want me to. Help me stay safe, and guard me, protect me, with all of the angels at my hands and my feet, and my head, and my heart, and keep me safe in this world so that all of the things that I have will be protected, so that I never need to know what things might be like in my belief system without all of these things.

How many times have I told you, Don’t tempt the Universe. Don’t tempt the Universe. The only way I can do this is if I have this. And the Universe says, Well let me show you that’s not true. The only way I can be happy is if I have this relationship. Let me show you that’s not true. Look, you’re doing fine without ever having one again. Not, of course, as a punishment at all, but simply as a means of showing you that where your greatest strength is, and what you are truly about is not limited by the position you carry and the money in your wallet and the family that you have.

And just as if it was ripe on schedule—not right, ripe on schedule—interesting things began happening with this fellow. Well now, first he started getting a skin problem, which was pretty hard on him, because he always took such a pride in how he looked—always spangly and, out in public, impeccably cloaked and very proud of a smooth and fine skin. And it started getting boils upon it. Nasty, hard nodules that would . . . you don’t need details, do you?

And, of course, when that began to happen, he began to find that he started becoming shy. And some of his investments started to fail, and pretty soon most of the investments failed. I’m sure you know the spiral that goes on there. Aye, I must have done something wrong, and that thinking makes more things go wrong. And pretty soon he was starting to sell off some of his pretty stuff in order to meet bills. And pretty soon he did not have any lovely clothes left, and so there he was, looking bad, feeling bad, probably smelling bad. Had both lost friends by becoming more and more antisocial, and because a whole lot of those friends were attracted to the stuff, which was the only thing he ever was anyway. His children were ungrateful, got angry. His wife left him. His mistresses left him. His dog left him. Kept the truck. It’s scary.

And, finally, he’s up against the wall of the town hall, just sitting there complaining. “I’ve got nothing. I once had everything. I’ve got nothing.” And the people that are hanging out with him say, “Well”—supportive and kind New Agers I’m sure they were—“what did you do wrong to bring this about? What have you done to make this happen? What did you do in your last life to bring this about? You must have been really bad. [Laughing] Well, I have this remedy that will help you”.

And these people that he’s with start saying, “You know, I don’t know how you can stand even being alive. I don’t know how you can think it’s even worth it. You had so much and now you’ve got nothing.”

And he started thinking, you know, What do I have? I have nothing. I have no stature. I have no funds. I have no family. I have nothing except my connection with God, and it’s clear, God’s mad at me. I’m not certain I’ve got that.

And he started thinking about it, and he started letting that brood within him. Or it would brew within him, and he would brood. And, finally, he said, “God, what’s the story?”

Does anybody recognize this story?

Job.

S: It is. It is. So what happened when he finally said, “What already? What?” Do you know? Sort of. Sort of.

God said, “When you had it all, it was easy to know what you were about, but the truest test is when you don’t have it to be able to see what you’re about.”

Now, some people see this story as one of failure, but I see it as a story of relationships. Within Job’s life, his relationships were based upon what he could do to establish a specific parameter of life experience for his friends, and his family, and his coworkers. As long as I am like this, we will have this relationship. As long as life is flowing in this way, you will have from me these things. Humans today live that way. Humans in this society often live that way. More than any other place in the world.

It is not then that God, as Job knew it, began visiting plagues upon him. It’s not. It’s simply that God, as Job knew him, did not intervene through the constant function of change and life experience. Job did not call. God did not answer. And as a result through the regular changes of life, that in that particular time, as in your particular time, have a tendency to show themselves up by the natural disintegration process of energy in your world as destructive. Eventually, the cloak is going to disintegrate. Eventually, the candle will burn down. Eventually, all that you have won’t matter, because you’ll be gone.

And here was a situation to find out what it would be if first it was gone, and the relationships that were based on it, they were gone until finally the last recorded information is Job saying . . . [sound of telephone ringing] God calling. Saying, “Help.”

Your world is changing. You cannot rely on what you had that it’s what you’re going to have. You cannot rely that who you were is who you are going to be. You cannot know that the stability of yesterday is going to be there tomorrow, that the person who is your friend now will remember you.

And Job’s lesson is, what you have is not what establishes the relationship. In your life, it’s not about what you have; it’s all about what you are. And I will tell you that what everybody else on this planet is seeking is the security. The security of life. And everyone else on this planet will follow somebody who has it. They are seeking the security of life, usually in things. A whole lot of you know that things pass away very quickly. One flood and they’re gone. One good shake up and it’s over. Sometimes it has nothing to do with something of the Earth. It might have something to do with somebody else’s free will. Might even have had to do with yours.

And if your security is based upon that primary relationship, with what makes you whole, you suddenly become a hot commodity. The only treasure that lasts is that which fills what money or status will not.

But, there is a key there. You must act. You must act. It is a function of consciousness, and even if the action you are taking is simply to seek, that’s positive enough. That works. You must act. Seek that which goes beyond the dust of this world. Seek the relationship that fills you, because in the largest picture it is you.

I talked to you last month about leadership, and this month I’m talking about relationships. Not in the sense that you may have thought. Here we are in the month of lovers. Candy and flowers and silk underwear.

[…]

S: Thank you very much. And yet the only love that fills you, the only love that opens the door to being able to manage a relationship without needing it, clinging to it, smothering it, killing it, comes when you are already filled.

Make use of your resources. Ask. Don’t tempt the Universe to show you how strong you are. Don’t need a lesson in how safe and secure you really are in this world. Don’t ask by not asking.

And I say all of this because, if you haven’t been noticing already, you are going to be seeing people looking to you. It’s the glow. And you cannot develop the relationships that help this world, you cannot keep a relationship in this world, until you have established in your life the anchor of relationship out of this world. The time is now. You’re the one. This, this was for you. And you know who you are.

Glochanumora.