July 10, 2011

Samuel: Hello, dears.

Hello, Samuel.

S: How’s life? Interesting? It’s hot, particularly if you’re working outside or in closed, non-air conditioned spaces. That’s probably child abuse. Child abuse. Aye. Want me to have a talk with your boss? (Laughs)

So how are you? I do both sides equally.


S: Again.


S: Challenged. Challenged. And that’s a . . .

It’s the Lake of the Unknown, and I’m entering and trying to make some sense out of all the chaos going on and all the decisions and the life-altering impact it will have on me. So they are challenges that I have [. . .] so I’ve been working pretty hard on that.

S: Good. Being challenged is a sign that the Universe thinks you’re very strong. I am serious. When you don’t have challenges in your life, it’s because you’re being wrapped in a little cocoon because there’s no faith that you will manage them. It’s good to remember. Challenged.

All right, what else? Busy, yes.


S: Chaotic, yes. You know I like that.

Chaos, and things are uncertain with how things are going to play out with my job and with my family; so just kind of uncertain. And my career . . . so.

S: Remember that situations around you are not uncertain. It only seems that way when you are uncertain as to what is going to happen and will you be able to manage it. Somewhere at your work they know just what’s going to happen. They’re not uncertain.

[. . .]

S: Be careful what you ask for.

I saw two of my favorite wee people here. Ahoy, over there in the corners! Little tiny two legs, little tiny four legs. Isn’t it great?

Gail and I expected you’d be talking about us. (Laughter)

S: Mary doesn’t count herself in that?

She should.

She’s in denial.

It’s my best tool.

S: I think this is what you should be after. (Holds Lea’s shoes.) Well.

How are you doing?

S: Excellent, always.

I’m going to merge with you.

S: Yes! I encourage it, in fact! Good connection. Good. Did his connection feel different to you, Lakshmi?

Yes, much purer and much freer and joyful, and so very powerful in a very gentle way.

S: If you’re going to be the god, then you should be the god. But you’ve got to know you’re the god to be the god. Otherwise, you’re just acting. No more acting.

[. . .]

S: No more of that sweat/glow stuff. Sorry, that’s kind of a little private conversation going on there. Lakshmi.

I feel like this may be a manifestation of what I feel inside, but I feel like in my house there is so much clutter. And it just is so distracting. It’s . . .

S: Clutter, confusion, chaos..

It’s like I just want to cut everything to a bare minimum so it’s just easy to be, so I don’t have to do these stuff, to take care of stuff.

S: Sometimes . . . I fully appreciate that one because I see so often how you are hampered by your stuff and how much all of those stuff collections take up your space and your ego. And I think about the turtle that carries its house on its back, and I think about what your houses tend to be made up of, and I picture this giant tortoise with clothing and little travel souvenirs, just all sort of melted together and sticking out here and there. Can you get that picture? And some turtles are incredibly burdened so that they can barely move because the weight of all they have to carry around is so heavy, and some just move right along, because even though their shell might have some of those very same things in it the turtle is not attached to them. It’s not about getting rid of everything and living like a monk; some monks live pretty darn well. It’s not believing that all that stuff is you, it’s not believing that you’ve got to have that stuff to be happy, or to be accepted, or to be like everyone else. It’s not being attached to that stuff so that if something were to happen—and in this world, something’s always happening—that if it were taken from you you would be so miserable. “I would have been fine letting go of everything but that. And that, and maybe that, and some of that. But just that.” Have you ever heard the expression that “clutter on the outside is a reflection of clutter on the inside?” Don’t believe it. Really.

[. . .]

S: Well, that’s another story altogether, but this might help a little: Clutter on the outside often represents fear on the inside. And since so many of you got that so quickly, let me ask, fear of what? And all right, first we will say, “Of not being enough.” All right, that one’s over with.

Paula, then Lillibeth.

I think fear of loss, that somehow you have to keep things around you or there will be a hole if you don’t. And you never get anything back.

S: Most definitely that can be in there. Fear of losing.

After Lillibeth, Harvey.

I notice that I like to hang onto information, and that takes the form of files, digital files, and hard copy files. And what my reason for keeping them is, I might need that information sometime. But you know, when I accumulated it, I didn’t have it then. So I get it when I need it.

S: That’s good, that’s good.

Simply fear of not being enough.

S: Right, right. Ultimately, down there at the bottom, there’s that. But I want you to think for minute. Think about it, particularly if you’re one of those people who has a lot of clutter around you. What’s the fear?

We’ve got Kathy and then Colleen, then David, then Suzie.

Fear of not having what you need when you need it and not being able to manage.

S: Be that information, or be that very rare precious items you use to take a bath or . . .

Of being alone.

S: Again?

Of being alone.

S: Could be fear of being alone in a very interesting kind of way. After Kathy was . . . Colleen.

In a way, it could be a fear of what you might do if that stuff wasn’t even in that space, dragging you along.

S: Real good one there. She says it could be a fear of what you could do if you did not have all of these half-finished projects and a pile of things to do and clutter to get you in the way and knock you over during the night and . . .  Could be a fear of what you might be without that. Could be a fear of freedom, of not being ready to let go, or . . .

After Colleen was David.

I’ve always seen it as kind of symptomatic of poverty consciousness, if your relationship with Source is not completely there and you don’t think the Universe will provide for you. Kind of goes back to what Kathy was saying.

S: Dear friend Source, please stand up and say that again.

It’s symptomatic of poverty consciousness in that you hold onto this stuff because you don’t have a good working relationship with the Universe which would take care of you at all times, anywhere.

S: A lack of trust with that. A poverty consciousness thing. That’s a very, very important one.

And after David, Suzie.

Well, being the conductor of the grief and loss train, I think for me it’s a loss of the memories, so I lose that person or experience.

S: As if you could. Yes, yes. Aye. On the other hand, if you were . . .

[. . .]

S: Really. There’s something to be said for that. “Ah, remember when I had that and that and that . . . ” Unfortunately, you’re not the leader or the conductor of the, let’s say, Alzheimer dementia train where you would forget those memories and those things. As long as you’re not on that train, you can be letting go of things. On the other hand, if you were on that train the objects wouldn’t matter anyway. There’s just not a lot of good use for it.

After Suzie was Marilyn? All right.

Well, if I identify with my stuff and I let go of my stuff, who am I without my stuff? So it’s the fear of the void.

S: Fear of the void, fear of the loss of the way one sees oneself, which is fear of being alone, because you are alone when you no longer recognize yourself, because you do not have all of your life surrounding you. So where does that fit? Do not answer that out loud, Lakshmi. Where does that fit for you? And here is a big one. Pretty much ninety-nine percent of the time here, if you have money issues you have clutter issues. Wow, don’t you hate it when I’m that general? But it happens to be very often the same kind of thing, because there is a poverty consciousness going on there. And although lack of trust in your connection with Source is a very big part of it, as many of you have said in other words, the lack of trust that has a big part in this poverty consciousness is lack of trust in yourself. And of course that’s self as Source. So think for a moment: Are you worried about income? Tackle some clutter. Might clear your mind to see things better, to understand things differently.

In my house, I live with some packrats, and when I try to clear things out, “Oh, no, we need to save that for this, that, or the other.” So I have let go of it, and what I’m going to do is just die first so that they have to deal with all of it.

S: And then they’re going to say, “You know, for the last twenty years of her life, Bonnie blamed us for everything, but now we’re going to blame her.” Beware, beware! There are very few things in your life that are because of someone else.

Except for that one thing.

S: Except for that one thing. She’s very on tonight, eh?

I wanted to talk to you tonight about life. Yours. And the fact of it is, it’s not things you can do to make relationships work better, or things you can do to . . .  These, and this is it, yes? This list is about you, and there is an assignment that goes with it. They are not in the correct order with the exception that the top half are things that are good to have in your life and the bottom half are things that are not good to have in your life. They are not in order. And I want you to put them in order. I don’t want you to do it as a group, I want you to do it on your own. So right offhand, Frank, I’d like for you, if you would, since you’re far in the back there and have a good voice, can you read this list?


S: Would you please? Would you please read it out loud—emphasis on the loudly part.

The first five are “Committed, Communicative, Consistent, Compassionate/Conciliatory, and Creative.”

S: Should I get somebody else in the very back?

The second five are “Complacent, Confused, Convinced, Controlling (ego), Caustic/ confrontational, Conceited (putting self before others).”

S: Don’t you like that all starting-with-C part? I thought that was great. Now, it is true that there are probably other C-words that would fit just as easily fit on that list, but as a whole, the issues can fit pretty easily under what’s listed here. The very first one was—is—“Committed.” And it doesn’t mean in the hospital for a while. I am amazed at how the inability to commit affects even Guardians. It’s a joke out in the world, isn’t it? Lack of commitment, fear to commit; usually referred to as a male thing, right? But of course that’s not at all accurate. The ability to commit requires your ability to trust. When you run into good times, when you’re happy, you are willing to make commitments. When you are unhappy, when you’re not experiencing good times, making commitment is hard to do. Commitment can mean “my commitment to another person,” or it can mean just the ability to make day-to-day decisions. If you thought I just poked you, you’re right. I’m not going to use the example I was going to. What’s the next one?


S: Willingness to communicate, to learn how to communicate. The ability to communicate. That’s a whole lot more than knowing how to talk, isn’t it? Somebody please remind me what communication is. Mary Claire?

The art of being understood or the art of being heard.

S: It’s not the art of being understood, because I think it’s highly overrated. It’s the art of being heard by the other. It’s not your talking in your own language; it’s talking in the language of the person you’re trying to communicate with. Do you speak differently with your best friend than you do with a two-year-old? Probably. Knowing how to say what you need to get across so that the other will get it—hear you. Communication, however, is also listening to what the other has said. In relationships even amongst those who truly work at good communication, I often see forgetting that listening is an important part of communicating. It can become simply a war of words. Loving, kind, well-said words. You know people who are so good with words they can smack you down with words. But if there is no listening then there isn’t communication. There is only communicating, and it’s badly.

“Can I please get up in your lap? Can we cuddle for a while?” Noki’s kind of upset because nobody put a seat out for her.

Communication takes effort, and it requires wanting to make the effort. And if communication in your life isn’t an effort, then that means you’re not communicating consciously, because it should be something that you work through on the inside before it pops out on the outside. What’s next?


S: Consistent! This one covers so many things that that kind of broad label was really needed. What are you consistent with in your life? Are they positive, good, healthy habits? Are they behaviors that you wish were not there anymore but, by gum, you’re consistent with them? Do you have boundaries, and do you have consistency with those boundaries, or are you different around some people than you are around others? Are you consistent with the changes you’re making in your life? You know, a change is happening within three days; you do it for three weeks, it can become a habit. You do it for nine weeks, it’s going to be a part of your life. You do it for nine months, it’s forever ingrained in you. How about that?

That’s the fountain we’ve put in this room. The lovely trickle. It keeps you calm while I’m beating you about the head and heart.

Consistency in what you say means you have to listen to what you say, which means you’ve got to truly think through your communications with yourself to have something to listen to. To have someone in your life who is consistently loving, generous, kind, thoughtful is such a wonderful thing. Are you that in someone’s life? Well if you have it coming back to you, it means you probably are, because like does attract like. If you only wish you only had people like that in your life that that, maybe you need to take a look at how consistent you are in living what you are thinking you are doing.

After Consistent, we have . . .


S: The compassionate there was conciliatory because a little bit farther down the list I can make you think of compassionate confrontation and that’s not the compassionate I’m talking about here. How is compassion different from kindness? Loving kindness, even. Angela.

As I see it, compassion can sometimes mean seeing what needs to be done and doing it whether it’s necessarily something that others are going to like. Or something that other people are going to see as kind.

S: Let’s flesh that out a little further. Ani, then Lakshmi.

I think kindness signifies a separation. I think compassion, even the word, means with, to feel along with.

S: Nice.

Kindness is usually to make peace, to make one feel better, make a good-feeling kind of thing. Compassion is not always that. It has that, but it has a much broader application. It is action with love; that is what you have called it as before. So there is love, which you are holding the highest frequency, but then it takes many shapes and forms.

S: And that’s where I was going with it. Love in action shows up in compassion. Kindness is a symptom—no, that’s not the word I’m looking for—a side-effect, maybe, of compassion. But compassion is by far greater because, as has been said, it’s a part of you. It’s not something you’re doing; it’s out of your being. Compassion—and Conciliation is put there with it—is the reason you are willing to apologize first. Compassion, being compassionate, is the reason you are willing to not act when that is the more loving thing to do. It’s that which sets your ego aside for the benefit, on behalf of, another. Many people are kind. Compassion seems to be saved for abandoned creatures.

Those first four—is that right? One, and two, and three, and four—define Guardian. The last one in there is something available to all, as they’re all available to all, but this is something that a lot of Guardians tend to stray away from. And what is it, what’s the last one up there?


S: Creativity as a really important aspect of living, of a relationship, of a work situation, of anything that you’re doing. These behaviors help you, and the bottom behaviors hinder you. Creativity is what allows you to see what you need to do in the moment. The creativeness that I’m speaking of there isn’t “you need to be able to go out and paint a picture every day” or “you need to write a poem every day,” although those are very good things for you to do. I’m talking about the creativity that is a flexible way of living your life so that you’re not stuck when something new pops up in front of you. You figure out what needs doing and you either do it or wrangle somebody else to. Really, you don’t have to do it all. But that takes creativity, the kind of creativity that the word “healing” fits under. A healer is creative. And the more you practice that creativity, the easier your healing energy flows. A problem solver is creative. A fixer is creative. Creativity is a necessary aspect of your day-to-day life. None of these can be left out.

But what can be left out is the next half. What is the first one?


S: Complacency. You want to know what kills a relationship? Complacency. I’m quite pleased that it might be working out that I’m going to be doing a commitment ceremony in India. Don’t get excited; it’s not for Ani. Sorry, love.

[. . .]

S: Whoops! Well, now you know. And one thing that I warn lovers is that you kill the passion when you become complacent. Now, I am talking about lovers here, but I want you to realize that this is not just that kind of relationship. This is any relationship. It’s your relationship with yourself, your relationship with Source, your relationship with the person at the check-out counter, your relationship with the person standing in front of you in line. It’s every relationship. But I’m going to use a committed couple as an example here. There’s so much passion until there is complacency. There is so much laughter until there becomes complacency. The relationship is working and things are flowing, and pretty soon it’s not. But what there is is complacency.


Also, people taking each other for granted.

S: Yes!

I see that a lot in the work that I do, and it comes from people not being conscious anymore.

S: That’s exactly how I am defining this. A rut is another way. You get into a rut; you stop paying attention. Sexual dysfunction is a huge problem in America. All right, not just America, but pretty big in America. Female energy, passion, hormonal changes start leveling out in a way that they had not, and as a result it’s very typical—ask any doctor that specializes in feminine medical issues—very typical for women to begin losing interest in having a sexual relationship. Now, I’m not saying that’s everybody. What doesn’t get a whole lot of press is that happens in masculine energy as well. And it’s because what’s happened is you stopped thinking about it. You take it for granted; you are complacent. “Hey, do you want to?”

“No, not if that’s how it comes about.”

“How about I just start pawing on you a couple of times a month?” “How about,” well, how about, “It’s Tuesday night, Friday night, well it works out so well we’ve fallen into a routine and with the children . . . and . . . and . . . with the children . . . and we’re just so stressed . . . and . . . and . . .”

If you do not become complacent, in most cases—because there are some physical problems for some, but most of the problems are right here—if you do not become complacent, it’s a whole lot harder to lose the passion. I did not say impossible; I said harder. And that is true sexually, intellectually.

“I used to always work the crossword puzzle, but I just quit because it was getting too easy.” Well, find a harder one! If the brain doesn’t have a challenge, it starts to, for want of a better brain here working, it starts to freeze. I couldn’t say it gets stiff, not after what I was just talking about.

Complacency means you stopped caring about the other as much as you care about yourself. After complacency, the next great killer . . .


S: Confused, confusion. Not getting it and not knowing why, and not figuring why. In a relationship, communication can be confusing. So you’re at the grocery store and the clerk says, “That’ll be five nine.”

“What was that?” Your southern ears don’t quite get it or your mind was elsewhere. Being afraid to ask questions gets you in trouble. And you don’t ask questions to clarify because you are afraid you’ll be judged harshly. Maybe you don’t ask questions because you’re pretty convinced you’ve got it , and that goes on to the next one, doesn’t it? Where you’re so sure you absolutely know what was going on because it’s your way of the highway. Moving back up to confusion. Unless you have a mental disorder, if you’re confused about something, it’s your fault. Do you know why it’s your fault?

Because you haven’t taken the time or the effort to get more information.

S: Yes! And the reason you have not taken the time or made the effort to get further information is why you’re often confused. So if you can figure out what it is that’s stopping you from saying, “I hate to say this, but I’m really sorry you lost me. Would you mind explaining that again in a different way?” if you can figure out why that is you can’t say that, then you’re going to have a really good leap into not being confused anymore. “Well, the world just confuses me, the universe confuses me, these teachings confuse me, and my relationships confuse me, my issues confuse me.” Get over it and start asking questions. But when you don’t ask questions because you are convinced that you know whatever it is, that’s a controlling kind of person. A controlling person is convinced they know what is best for everyone else. I have the certificate for that one. You do not, so do not be convinced of it.

[. . .]

S: That’s right. There can be only one. That attitude of being convinced makes you human. I would appreciate it if as soon as possible you would get over that. The more you truly live in this world, the more you know how much there is you do not know. There are very few things you can be truly convinced about; therefore, a little bit of humility. “The way I saw it is . . . what I think is . . .” Being convinced says, “I am unbendable, I am not flexible, I am not adaptable.” And yes, going right hand in hand with that is, “I am controlling.”

After that one comes?


S: “Samuel, I wouldn’t have this anger issue if it weren’t for all those people doing stupid things making me angry.” Caustic. Caustic humor. Just a little zing. That breaks down trust. Caustic means burns, eats off, yes? Is that really how you want to be seen? And yet it’s so common. I talk about confrontation as having a place, and it does have a place, but it should be a compassionate confrontation, and that’s another talk altogether. In talking about the ways you lose your life, you lose having people in your life, you lose having an effect on others in your life, is to be confrontational. And there are the very obvious ways of being confrontational, which is somebody questioning every move you make. Or being argumentative with everything:“Well, I’m just being devil’s advocate, here but . . .” What are other ways of being confrontational?


S: Intimidation, bullying. Yes, yes! How about underhanded statements? Making a joke about something that is kind of putting someone down? So is always playing devil’s advocate, always saying the negative. Frank, I’m going to use you as an example here. Frank was trained as an attorney—he did get over it, don’t worry—which means he has been trained to look for the worst possible case. Which is to say that as a Guardian in his life, he had a big hurdle to come over to turn that around, which he has done beautifully, to be able to see as well the best in another, to be compassionate and loving. I’m not saying there’s never confrontation. I’m not saying there’s never a place for working with others in a way that might not be thought of as the most gentle, easy, loving thing to do by that person, because there are times in your life, sure enough, where confrontation is needed. But to every time look at the negative, bring up the worst. Every time you know this person is going to, “All right, have we heard from everyone? No we haven’t gotten the worst from (blank) yet.” Because it’s so acceptable in this society; it’s so all right to complain and see the worst in others and make fun of the weak. But it’s killing you as well as killing hope for something different in this world.

Finally, and in this case specifically, I am saying the inability to put someone else first. Conceited, as in more than just, different than,. egotistical. I mean as I talked last week, you say hello to somebody and they talk about themselves and it becomes all about you. Somebody has something great happen to them and you start feeling bad about it: why didn’t it happen to you? Somebody goes out with friends; why didn’t they go out with you? Because you’re always seeing it as, It’s all about me. You cannot have a relationship like that.

Nor can you have a relationship when it’s never about you. The key in that is balance. The key in all of this is balance, because just as complacency can be the death knell, used in the right way with the right heart there can be a place for it in your life. And can somebody give me an example? I will. Maybe you have a situation in which your eighty-five-year-old grandmother grew up in a different world altogether and the best you can do is love her as she is because that person is not likely ever to change for your arguing your side with her. That’s the kind of time when a little bit, of “Oh, all right, I’ll give in to this” can save everybody a lot of headache.


Well, if it’s an eighty-five-year-old father, we’re of a different generation here, but I see that as picking my battles. I see that as loving the person for who they are and not having to be right. And so that’s a sign of complacency?

S: It’s that kind of broad definition. There is a good side to all of this and balance is needed.

I think of detaching from the outcome of some situation.

S: I like that. It can be detached to the point that it’s a bad thing or detached to the point it’s a good thing. Again, balance.

Now, your assignment is to think about these things and put them I order. Now some of you may have been doing it as you went. Put them in order as to what’s the most important thing you need in your life. Well, what comes after that? One feeds off of another in this list, in both of these lists. As you look at it, how would you order them?

Now, there’s something very important you need to know. The order that you put these in is a reflection of how you live your life. This is giving you a very quick view of what’s really important to you in a relationship, what you feel makes it work, what you feel makes it break down—that order. This can be the start of some good conversations, maybe with yourself, maybe with somebody in your life that you’re having difficulty with. It’s pretty hard when one person thinks commitment is the number one thing that’s needed and the next says consistency is. How are you going to have a vision together unless you’re able to see how they both hold each other in its own definition? But that’s going to take communication to make that happen. What you need the most help with is going to be what you think is the most important thing that breaks things down, because it’s the thing you see in your own self that’s causing breakdowns around you.

So what is that list, those things that are breaking down? It’s the list of things that need balance in your life. It’s the list of things that in this next six months you are going to be seeing a whole lot of. And you really need to be prepared. The less that you have in your life holding you back, the more you’re able to put into moving forward. That’s why.

This is July. Half of the year is already gone. Oh my, how time flies. It’s gone! Some of you are already planning your Christmas present giving but you’re not planning how to make the most important parts of your life better. And really, wouldn’t life be more fun if you weren’t always running into your own stuff?

So there. That’s a road map, an easy exercise to give you years of personal insight. You’re welcome. The next time I see you like this it will be August. August? There isn’t enough time to keep wasting it.